To be annoyed SIL showed DS her lactating breast

[dodomin]

DS just turned 4 and he walked in on SIL breastfeeding. He asked what she's doing and she said this is how I feed the baby milk. All fine with me. She asked him if he wants to see and he said yes. So she squeezed her nipples to show milk come out. I feel like that is unnecessary.. I feel like even I wouldn't have done that if I was breastfeeding.

AIBU to feel annoyed. Yes, I understand breasts are not sexual and they're functional parts etc. But it is still taught as a private part to children and I just don't appreciate it.

Well no harm done and I'm sure DS was fascinated but she definitely shouldn't have done it. I would send that exact message OP.

SIL knows a boundary has been crossed, which is why she messaged. Explaining the mammal function of feeding an infant to a young child is one thing. I know many an adult who would feel an intimacy boundary had been crossed by a one-to-one demo, and we can be all nonchalant about it but it’s a step too far to demonstrate to a very young child not in her own immediate family unit.

Oh, are you being sarcastic? Hard to tell with MN 🤔

I can guarantee your 4yr old won’t be thinking as much about this as you are and he also is not likely to even remember it when he’s older anyway! I wonder if you’d feel differently if it was a daughter and not a son? 🤷🏼‍♀️

I spoke to DH about it. He is furious and feels it wasn't her place at all. PPs have said be wary she will overstep more boundaries. SIL has always been a bit difficult eg. not giving DH's spare key back and then letting herself into our then home without asking us or bringing her (5!) friends to DD's intimate family birthday party without asking us etc.

He's actually concluded he's totally fed up and doesn't care if our kids don't have a relationship with her or their cousin. I'm totally fine with this because she's honestly just hard work.

Honestly, sounds like the best solution. She's barely in your life, hardly knows your son, has already overstepped this and other boundaries, I'd just quietly shelve her and have as little to do with her as possible.

He asked SIL a question, she answered, all matter of fact. He’s 4 years old and probably moved on to other things. You are the one who is weirded out, not him. Time to move on, too.

@dodomin, after reading the whole thread I see that you have had conflict with your SIL in many areas, so I understand this is just the last straw for you and your DH.

I just wanted to reassure you, as a midwife, that this interaction is not going to affect your DS negatively in any way. In fact it may be very positive if, in the future, he chooses to have children. When I talk about breastfeeding with couples, especially firest-time mums, I explain that one of the reasons we now struggle so much with breastfeeding is that we don't grow up seeing women openly breastfeed anymore. As children we're not allowed to look and ask questions, because it is considered "rude". I recommend couples to let their children, both boys and girls, see women breastfeed (as long as the woman is ok with it, of course), stare, point and ask questions, and this helps fixate in their mind how a newborn baby is fed. In humans, breastfeeding is not instinctive, but a learned social skill. A person who has watched it in infancy/childhood will find breatfeeding, or supporting a woman to breastfeed, much easier and more natural than someone who has never seen it, or feels uncomfortable thinking of a feeding breast.

This is no way intends to undermine your feelings of discomfort, which come from the right place.

The only one making this a big deal is you maybe your the weird one there's nothing wrong with what she did sounds like you just want a reason to start a argument 😂😂😂😂

She sounds like a pain in the arse .

Over reacting. He is 4.

I don’t think it was outrageously bizarre, but I think she should have had the sense to realize that not every parent would be okay with that, and not done it.

Look - you both dont like her (or they/them), thats ok - this just broke the camels back. Just cut her out of your lives - then youll be happier you dont have to worry right? Its your husbands sister so really, if he doesnt give a shit... you really shouldnt either.

Because I don't think cultural fetishization and hyper-sexualisation of breasts is beneficial to women

I wouldn’t like it either @dodomin. Overstepping a boundary there,

Interesting to see such a comparison between those who think of breasts as sexual and those who don't.

Personally I would like to think that this is fine, but it does present a contradiction in that in general societal terms we do still view breasts as sexual - and generally expect them to be covered.

For example, a boy in school would be in a lot more trouble for touching a girl's breast rather than her arm/belly. There is a inherent position of them as a sexual thing in most of our expectations/conduct.

So for me, I think you just want consistency. Either they are a sexual and private part - in which case, yes it is not appropriate to show another person's kid. Or they are a natural and normal body part that doesn't need to be covered or treated differently, in which case no problem.

The two situations are not comparable, you are being ridiculous

I find her showing the milk coming out little strange. It’s enough just to explain, especially when it’s someone else’s child. I’m very pro breastfeeding and fed both my children until they were 3 (and I got my fair share of comments on that!), but even I think showing someone else’s child the milk coming out of your breast a bit odd.

I would be furious op! At best its just plain weird to do that to someone else’s child!

Oh noooo. Hardly anybody took the breastfeeding rage bait, so you upped the ante with some gender politics. That didn't work so you've broken the glass and pressed the emergency 'party etiquette' button.

Next you'll be telling us she's on weight loss injections and likes Meghan Markle.

This. So well expressed.

Nothing at all wrong with seeing someone breast feed and explaining this to a child. It’s the squeezing of the nipple and asking the child if he wants to see that’s a bit much. A four year old could probably grasp the concept of the baby drinking milk without a close up of a squirting nipple, this is the part that doesn’t sit right.

You asked AIBU. Most people think YABU.

Op I extended bf both my dc to age 3 and I wouldn’t have done this and didn’t with my own 3-6 year old in the 3 years when I was bf the younger sibling. I would not have done this with another dc in the family either.

It sounds like something that happened in the moment, maybe due to tiredness and lack of sleep on the part of SIL and probably no harm done. I agree it was a slightly odd thing to do though.

Snap @SatsumaDog