AIBU Secret spare keys

[ShesGotAway]

So partner and I have recently bought a house in a town nearby to my parents.

Prior to buying to house my DM didn't know the seller but in the process of buying got really really chummy with them and helped them move and clear the house.

We think in this time my DM managed to obtain a spare key. There was only one set of keys declared and that's all we received from the seller. But there was a niggling feeling in my gut about it. My DM hasn't done this before specifically but she has form for other, similar behaviour. Not something I could outwardly ask her about either.

At a recent family gathering someone else brought up the topic of ring cameras and how they have one at home for the dog when they leave her for a short while. I brought up that we'd just purchased a ring doorbell for ours.

Cue a very angry 'well why on earth would you want one of those!' from my DM.

I explained to the group that we'd only received one set of keys when we'd bought the house and I felt like another set of keys could have been left with someone else by mistake (the seller had lived here for an awfully long time). I explained I felt uncomfortable with this as did my partner so we'd bought the doorbell just incase. (We do also receive a very high volume of packages as I use a room in the house as storage for my business).

I don't think I've ever seen my DM in such a silent rage before. And I have quite frankly taken this as proof that she's done exactly what we thought and managed to get a set of keys for our house!

AIBU- she hasn't got a spare

YANBU- she's definitely got a spare key

I have lived in 8 houses (mostly bought, some rented) and never changed the locks unless getting a new door. In fact, lived for several years on a Scottish island and didn't have a key for one door (never locked)!

It's the first thing you do IMO any time that you move house. Who knows who else has a key? I can't believe that anyone would buy a house and not change the locks.

Yes, she has form for being very controlling. And lives in constant fury that I give her no means to control me anymore.

Just to give you an idea of how many people can have a key. Both sets of our parent have one for childminding / lifts, two of my friends have a key. We have one each (DH and I) the next door neighbour has one and there is a spare. That’s 8 keys to our house floating around if we ever more.

I absolutely would change the locks, not even minding your insane Mum!

ps I sooooo hope you tell her you think she is right and you have decided not to install the ring doorbell. But really do install it somewhere hidden and just watch and wait

It will be deeply ironic if we're burgled tonight I admit but it's just never come up as a thing to do!

In all the advice given to us as first time home owners it's never been brought up once until we were concerned about my mum letting herself in.

We paid extra for security keys so if we lend them to someone they can't have copies cut. However we got parents' house (in a different city, frequent visitors both ways) changed to the same key, so we didn't need to carry two sets!

This is such absolute genius.

Your mum is officially batshit.

But yeah, change the locks. People who have/had keys to my current house: estate agents, 3 or 4 sets of tradesmen, 2 catsitters, 2 neighbours who fed the cats, 3 friends who visited, 3 cleaners, carer, my parents, BIL, friend who holds our spare copy.

Great idea!

That is a wonderful idea and something I'd do with the in-laws. They're looking at moving to our town in the nearish future when something accessible or adaptable comes onto the market

I've literally never known anyone to change the locks when moving into a house, and even if I were to, it's clearly NOT the 'first' thing you do. Before unpacking? Reading the metres? Making a bed to sleep in for the night?

Balance a pile of baking tins & trays Leaning Tower of Pisa style immediately behind the door, so you'll hear the almighty clatter if anyone tries to open it tonight!

My house has a composite door. Anyone wanting to change the locks would have to change the door, and that would not be cheap. The keys alone are £75. Each.

The absolute rat bastards that are the cats would be absolutely all over that.

Though it would give me a break from the rattiest of the bastards menacing my toes on a night or hiding all of the socks.

😂😂😂

@Twinkletoesandspaghettios ps I sooooo hope you tell her you think she is right and you have decided not to install the ring doorbell. But really do install it somewhere hidden and just watch and wait

Oh I’m cackling at this 😆.

Shifting slightly to car keys, there is at least one place in Alaska where they have polar bears, and if you park a car there you have to leave the doors unlocked with the key in the ignition. Just in case. But I think it is one of those places with a closed road system so you can’t steal the car.

Hi OP,

Do you think your batty mum made friends with the previous owners just to get a set of keys?
So that she could feel like she'd got one over you?

And why does she so want to control you?!

Ooh this is intriguing, is it so that absolutely anyone wandering past can seek refuge and escape if they come across one unexpectedly?! Wonder how that works insurance wise!

I have never changed the locks when I've moved either. I've heard of people doing it, but never anyone I actually know. Indeed the people who bought our last house from us not only didn't change the locks, but also haven't changed the code to the key box. (I didn't try it - they told me, while telling me to let myself in to collect some post that the royal mail had forgotten to redirect.. )

I lied, it’s Churchill in Manitoba. But it is a closed road system so no thefts!

It's definitely a possibility. She is very performative with her acts of kindness so everyone knows what a wonderful person she is.

I was much easier to manipulate when I was younger and hadn't quite seen the relationship for what it was yet. I think she struggles with that fact that I will no longer allow her to do so

Again, doesn't everyone do that? Who would have house keys that anyone could get a copy made of them?

Your mum sounds like your stalker, Single White Female style. Integrating herself with the house sellers, impersonating you online and befrending and your bestie. Mark my words if you don't change the locks, your husband will arrive home one day to find she has let herself in and is waiting seductively in bed for him.

I know you've been told and are going to change the locks OP, I just find it a bit crazy that you weren't sure who might have keys, so you got a camera system, so you could see who let themselves in, rather than changing the locks so that they couldn't 😄