AIBU Secret spare keys

[ShesGotAway]

So partner and I have recently bought a house in a town nearby to my parents.

Prior to buying to house my DM didn't know the seller but in the process of buying got really really chummy with them and helped them move and clear the house.

We think in this time my DM managed to obtain a spare key. There was only one set of keys declared and that's all we received from the seller. But there was a niggling feeling in my gut about it. My DM hasn't done this before specifically but she has form for other, similar behaviour. Not something I could outwardly ask her about either.

At a recent family gathering someone else brought up the topic of ring cameras and how they have one at home for the dog when they leave her for a short while. I brought up that we'd just purchased a ring doorbell for ours.

Cue a very angry 'well why on earth would you want one of those!' from my DM.

I explained to the group that we'd only received one set of keys when we'd bought the house and I felt like another set of keys could have been left with someone else by mistake (the seller had lived here for an awfully long time). I explained I felt uncomfortable with this as did my partner so we'd bought the doorbell just incase. (We do also receive a very high volume of packages as I use a room in the house as storage for my business).

I don't think I've ever seen my DM in such a silent rage before. And I have quite frankly taken this as proof that she's done exactly what we thought and managed to get a set of keys for our house!

AIBU- she hasn't got a spare

YANBU- she's definitely got a spare key

I have the keys to most of the flats in this house of 5 flats. When the flats change hands or tenants I always tell the new tenant and offer the key back.If I am asked to keep the spare key I always say I will never go into your flat unless you ask me to.

Another one in favour of just changing the locks. A friend bought a house and had to immediately go away for work on the day he took possession and didn't have time to do anything to the house, not even move anything in or change locks, or meet neighbours. When he came back a few days later there was mail sitting on the kitchen counter and a tin of homemade biscuits. The next door neighbour had let herself in and moved the mail away from the door "because I always did that for Mrs X when she went away." This is at the very mild end of the "things that could happen if you don't change the locks" spectrum.

This is so funny I have just moved and changed all the locks! We were only given one key for the front door and I was going to get others cut when I noticed the handle was really tarnished so figured I'd get a new handle then we had a locked out situation and I realised I really missed the thumb turn locks we had in our last house. So when I found out how RIDICULOUSLY easy it is to change euro locks, I changed them all! Including the broken one on the garage door. Nice new door handles too.

😮😮😮

Absolutely, this is some weird behavior.

I'd say nothing more OP. I'd coordinate changing the locks and fitting the ring doorbell. If I caught her trying to get in, I'd report her to the police. It sounds like it's only a matter of time in any case.

Ah, there's weird stuff going on here. I can see why talking directly about this with her might not be helpful. I'm sorry you have to keep your guard up so much, that's gotta be hard.

Yes!

Oh my days it gets worse… why did you move so close to them?! 😬

These are some wild updates and I’d hazard a guess that yes, she does indeed own a set of keys!

We changed the locks the day we moved in here, just because we had no idea who or how many people we didn’t know may have had keys and we wanted to have them all. A few people have sets including both our parents, our ndn and our best friends who live on the road behind us. Oh, and our cleaner!
They have some because they all live nearby and it’s useful to have options if we ever get locked out (ds is round at ndn’s at least twice a week for the spare 🙄🫣) but none of them would ever just let themselves in for fun!
Our best mates kindly dropped off some milk, bread and butter etc when our flight back from holiday was chronically delayed and we weren’t getting back until 2am the morning of a workday and back to school day!
But that’s about it.
Change your locks, install a doorbell camera.

I’ve only ever heard it said on here, never in real life.

Sorry if I missed this, but what do you think your mum is secretly doing in your house when you are not there??

No one has just 1 set of keys to their house. We have 7 for our house.

I know

Truthfully, it was a nice affordable house in an area where DP and I have many many friends!

Oh my god, your mum and I would either get on like a house on fire or detest each other to an unreasonable degree. Or somehow both at the same time, Schrodinger-style.

My mum once crawled through her hedge into her neighbour’s back garden, to hammer on her window at 10pm on a Friday night, and tell her to stop laughing so much with her friend. And also tracked down my first boyfriend to ‘make sure he was doing ok’, twenty years after the split.

Humour is a valid coping mechanism. Or so my therapist tells me. 🙃

This !
For goodness sake.

I don't think she's actually been in yet to be honest (since we moved in anyway).

And truthfully I have no idea if she'd have any specific plans for the keys other than to have them and feel like she has that bit of control over my life and the ability to drop in when she wanted to!

OMG this has reminded me of the time years ago when a friend who is a plasterer got a call of nature. He was passing his mate's house, for which he had a key, went in and settled in the lavatory with a newspaper. Mid-dump he heard voices - woman and kids - but his friend was a bachelor.

Turned out friend had sold the house and moved a few weeks prior.

It’s a control thing. I have all keys to my house we got four sets when we bought. Then I divided them between us , no one outside of our household has any.

Oh god, my sympathies. I got away from mine by moving across the Atlantic. Highly recommend.

Well it wasn’t bloody obvious to us, and we’ve survived without incident in our house for 30 years! I don’t know anyone who changes the locks routinely when they move somewhere new, and I know a lot of people!

Your relationship with your DM sounds pretty messed up. I’d be having fun with the Ring doorbell tho 🤣

She made a fake profile for me on POF because she's decided I wasn't doing very well at finding my own partners (I was 18 at the time!). She actually ended up speaking to multiple people on there (as me!) and then tried to set me up with different men through the guise of them being friends of friends or nephew's of friends.

There isn't much to say about the friend, other than they regularly do very mother daughter-esque activities together. My mum makes a point of bringing it up every time about that a wonderful time they had together 🤷

Jesus, your MIL having a set is the least of your worries! There could be a set with anyone! How can you sleep at night 😓