Nursery hinting my 3 year old has autism.

[LostandFounded]

I have two DC. DC1 10, DC2 3.

My youngest child’s nursery have recently hinted they think they might be autistic. The reasons they have given is that my child doesn’t listen, doesn’t do what the other kids are doing, is always on their own agenda and doesn’t answer or turn to their name. One example they gave is when everyone else is sat doing circle time my child won’t join in and wants to carry on doing their own thing. My child does also have some speech issues which can make it difficult to understand what they are saying (not massively difficult though). They also asked about hearing tests which have come back with no issues. This is my second child and with my first they also had some speech issues but now at 10 they are fine with no diagnosis and nobody has ever said anything about them having autism. I am quite frustrated as this is my second child and I know my children better than anyone, I am sure my second child will grow up to be similar to my first one who definitely doesn’t have autism and as I said in their life (even though there were speech issues very early on) no autism was ever mentioned. I’m not sure what to do going forward as I feel nursery doesn’t understand my child and will treat them differently as they have hinted at these autistic traits. I also think my child is only 3 how can you possibly suggest that, I’m sure there are many children who were similar and did not go on to have autism, not sure how that can be suggested at only 3.

I think my view would depend a lot on the experience of the people raising the concern.

I worked in education for around 20 years, and over that time I became adept at recognising children who were likely to be autistic, even if they hadn't yet been formally assessed. Of course, no teacher can diagnose autism, but experienced educators often notice patterns that are worth sharing with parents. I also wonder if being autistic myself has helped me recognise those traits more easily in some children.

Does it make any difference? They are alerting you that there may be differences.

When DS was four (start of reception) his teachers said at parent's evening that they thought he might have differences / was presenting with some of the things they see in children with SEN. We completely disregarded it. He was diagnosed ASD at 17.

Your DC may indeed just have developmental delays that "come out in the wash." I guess if nursery are saying something to you they see it as significant enough to mention.

If you think nursery is not the right environment for your child, though, for whatever reason, you are of course free to look at alternatives.

With all due kindness, the nursery workers have likely been around hundreds of children and have become adept at recognising certain behaviours that are more common in children with autism. 3 is the perfect age to get an autism assessment and to start working on coping strategies and support necessary for their future.
the staff aren’t insulting you or your child by mentioning this, they are simply doing their job

Absolutely you can spot the sign in some children that early, not all but some for sure.

Don’t ignore them. My first child was a late talker, walker etc but not autistic.,My second (profoundly autistic) was also a late developer. The more people you can get onside, during the early years, the better. Of course it might prove to be something and nothing which I hope is the case.

While I respect the views of nursery workers, this is an interesting and sobering read. Misdiagnosis does happen, especially in very young children, and caution is advisable.

They aren’t diagnosing him they are just notifying you that they see traits so you are aware and can look into it more. Also like the other poster said if you work with autistic children a lot then it often is quite noticeable that there are signs.

Autism can 100% be recognisable at age 3. That doesn’t necessarily mean that your child is autistic. I would be listening to what they are saying though and star educating myself about possibilities and what can be done to help. Take any support offered and be open minded.

Autism can 100% be recognisable at age 3. That doesn’t necessarily mean that your child is autistic. I would be listening to what they are saying though and start educating myself about possibilities and what can be done to help. Take any support offered and be open minded.

Well, your child either has autism or he doesn’t. Nursery’s comments don’t make a difference to that either way. FWIW, your youngest sounds a lot like mine at the same age. Mine does have autism.

The staff are very experienced @LostandFounded l would be inclined to listen to them .

I think this is more about your perception of autism than anything. They haven’t hinted your child is unwell with some incurable disease.

I would advise listening to their advice and taking it, which I say from experience.

My youngest went on the diagnosis pathway at 2 after the nursery explained how his development and social behaviours were different from his peers, along with his speech.

It doesn’t mean they are definitely right but we see our own children as themselves where a nursery may be more objective. They also see DC in a different setting, a social one.

This was over 15 years ago the diagnosis took place and I think it’s actually more about not making your children’s information public.

You are upset, as anyone would be.
But actually as childcare workers( I am a childminder) we are encouraged to pass on concerns about a child’s development to parents, so they can choose the appropriate path to take.
Its not a judgement on you, your child or your parenting abilities, it’s behaviour they have noticed, and feel obligated to pass on to you.

Ok but is anything I’ve mentioned even indicative of autism? Lots of kids would rather do their own thing than do something that doesn’t interest them. Also if I am annoyed and shout their name then they will listen and then it’s again only when they are absorbed with something else. Tons of 3 year olds are like this surely??? Also as I said my other child had some speech delay but is absolutely fine no and does not have autism, so why wouldn’t I just assume my youngest will be the same.

In response to your latest post. It's important to remember that these educators will have potentially worked with hundreds of children and will therefore have strong knowledge on what neurotypical 3 year old behaviour looks like. They would not be raising concerns if they consider your son's behaviour typical of his age.

I would listen to their concerns with an open mind. They are likely to be right because they will have experience with many more children than you do.

If your child is autistic, it is better to know sooner rather than later because the outcome will be better.

I also wouldn’t assume your 10yo doesn’t have autism just because nobody has mentioned it as a possibility. Some people are incredibly good at hiding it. With my DC2, we only realised at age 19.
Neither school noticed. In fact they didn’t notice their dyslexia either. Dyslexia diagnosis was at 18, after completing A-levels. Autism runs in families, so if your DC is autistic, there is a golf chance that your other child is and most probably you or DP (or both of you) are autistic too.

Yes, those behaviours that you mentioned in your OP are signs of autism in children, even as young as 3. That doesn’t mean that every child who does those things is autistic though.
The nursery workers will be wanting what is best for your child and you should too. Getting him/her an assessment will allow you to prepare for any challenges in the future if autism is present or, will put your mind at ease as it is obviously something you are worried about.

l don’t see any traits of autism and my child is only three and their sibling had some speech problems and does not have autism.

OP they may be right, they may be wrong, but it doesn't do any harm to go along with it for now. The vast majority for ND kids wait far too long for a diagnosis, either due to carers/schools not picking up the signs, or (more often) due to the massive waiting time for assessment.

If your daughter ends up being assessed early as a result of the nursery's concerns, it can only be a good thing. Either she doesn't meet the diagnostic criteria, in which case you haven't lost anything. Or she does meet them, and you're able to address it early, making her time at school much easier than it would otherwise be.

But the staff do? As other posters have said, the nursery workers have worked with hundreds of children and see your child in a different social setting where social issues may be more apparent

Three is not too young to observe signs of autism or other neurodiversity and get started on a pathway to diagnosis. Getting assessed and diagnosed takes a very long time at the moment, so he would likely be much older before any diagnosis was forthcoming. With that in mind it's best to be over cautious and get on a waiting list (you can always come off if he develops away from these traits) than to wait.

Whether he is ND or not he is showing developmental delay/behaviour that would be expected of a younger child. It's worth thinking about why this might be and what you and the nursery can do to help him catch up. Regardless of diagnosis you want him in the best possible situation for starting reception.

They have given you their opinions and observations, if you don’t want to take it further then don’t, no- one is forcing you to.

You seem adamant there is nothing wrong so it’s your call isn’t it.