Nursery hinting my 3 year old has autism.

[LostandFounded]

I have two DC. DC1 10, DC2 3.

My youngest child’s nursery have recently hinted they think they might be autistic. The reasons they have given is that my child doesn’t listen, doesn’t do what the other kids are doing, is always on their own agenda and doesn’t answer or turn to their name. One example they gave is when everyone else is sat doing circle time my child won’t join in and wants to carry on doing their own thing. My child does also have some speech issues which can make it difficult to understand what they are saying (not massively difficult though). They also asked about hearing tests which have come back with no issues. This is my second child and with my first they also had some speech issues but now at 10 they are fine with no diagnosis and nobody has ever said anything about them having autism. I am quite frustrated as this is my second child and I know my children better than anyone, I am sure my second child will grow up to be similar to my first one who definitely doesn’t have autism and as I said in their life (even though there were speech issues very early on) no autism was ever mentioned. I’m not sure what to do going forward as I feel nursery doesn’t understand my child and will treat them differently as they have hinted at these autistic traits. I also think my child is only 3 how can you possibly suggest that, I’m sure there are many children who were similar and did not go on to have autism, not sure how that can be suggested at only 3.

I think 'the big switch' @clary is referring to is the switch from the ignorance of what constitutes an ASD red flag, implying that the poster has no idea that certain traits point to being ND, to saying that they have many ND family members, which would mean that the OP should recognise the traits.

Either way, I hope this young boy has people looking out for him.

No sorry, from the OP.

From posts suggesting they knew very little about ASC (as they thought those with it could neither walk nor talk) to posts saying several family members were ND. Just felt a bit odd.

Yes

and no you’re not alone as the vast majority are of the view this OP has a very odd stance

Yes exactly @Lougle. And thank you (and to others) for sharing your valuable lived experience on the issue; these are the stories that make MN such a great resource.

@LostandFounded I don’t suppose they’ll put up much of a fight if you do leave (I doubt you will)

They have raised this with you out of professionalism and care. You seem to think they have done it to embarrass and spite you.

Op, I am sorry but this is a really painful read.

It honestly comes across as though you think nursery are personally targeting you, making things up to be awkward and generally attacking you.

This is not true, they are trying to help, they are trying to provide their opinion. They are very unlikely to be properly trained to spot autism but they will have experience of having cared for hundreds of children and are using that knowledge to give you their opinion.

They are not saying he 100% has autism, they are saying that in their opinion he is displaying traits that fit with it. If you want to act on that then rather than trying to do tests at home you need to look at getting professional medical diagnosis. If you do not want to act on that then you say thank you to the nursery for telling you, but you would prefer they do not mention it again.

If you do not want to act on that then you say thank you to the nursery for telling you, but you would prefer they do not mention it again. and if she does this the nursery should make a note of the offer of support which was turned down to protect themselves. I have known parents in school repeatedly turning down suggestions of assessments for children clearly needing help until Year 2 or 3 when the child's needs are obvious to everyone and they start blaming the school for doing nothing.

Op it is really common in my experiences for the DH to be behind on acceptance. In the end I and most other mums I know decided we had to do what was right for our dc. You need to do in your gut what you think is right for your dc.

My dh has now caught up and accepts the situation as it is and even went on a course to learn how to parent autistic dc which I would never have thought he would do. But that has taken a lot of time.

Those were the major ones that prompted the assessment.

If your child is autistic then they are autistic. Whether you get the diagnosis or not does not change the fact that an autistic person has autism.

Your husband will have to "cope".