Nursery hinting my 3 year old has autism.

[LostandFounded]

I have two DC. DC1 10, DC2 3.

My youngest child’s nursery have recently hinted they think they might be autistic. The reasons they have given is that my child doesn’t listen, doesn’t do what the other kids are doing, is always on their own agenda and doesn’t answer or turn to their name. One example they gave is when everyone else is sat doing circle time my child won’t join in and wants to carry on doing their own thing. My child does also have some speech issues which can make it difficult to understand what they are saying (not massively difficult though). They also asked about hearing tests which have come back with no issues. This is my second child and with my first they also had some speech issues but now at 10 they are fine with no diagnosis and nobody has ever said anything about them having autism. I am quite frustrated as this is my second child and I know my children better than anyone, I am sure my second child will grow up to be similar to my first one who definitely doesn’t have autism and as I said in their life (even though there were speech issues very early on) no autism was ever mentioned. I’m not sure what to do going forward as I feel nursery doesn’t understand my child and will treat them differently as they have hinted at these autistic traits. I also think my child is only 3 how can you possibly suggest that, I’m sure there are many children who were similar and did not go on to have autism, not sure how that can be suggested at only 3.

Yes, you have asked that question a couple times and had lots of answers. They are signs of autism.

You seem to have a very skewed view of autism. I have worked with many autistic children and not any of the ones I’ve worked with have had potty training issues.

My child does respond to their name it’s just mostly when I shout or am angry. They wont respond say if they are absorbed in playing with something or in somewhere loud like a shopping centre or a soft play but that could be because it’s noisy and lots of other things going on.

It’s very easy to keep dismissing what everyone is saying. It’s also very easy to make excuses.
These absolutely could be signs of autism and your child deserves a chance at getting the support they may need.

That's not responding to their name though. That's responding to you shouting loudly. You could shout anything at that point and they would turn. Responding to their name means just that - you say their name as part of a normal conversation and they break off to listen to you

Those traits can be typical of a 3 year old or ASD traits. As an early years educator we can pick up traits at this age, they can be very obvious or subtle. Educators are comparing them to their peers and other children they are taught over the years.

I have a child this year who is exactly like this- in own world, not aware of others/ surroundings, doesn’t respond to name or instructions. We have had the beginning conversation with parents and I would bet good money they are autistic.

eyes and ears are the checks we suggest to see if there any other underlying reasons.

going for a diagnosis takes years so actually it is becoming more and more important for early years educators to notice the traits and record on graduated responses, get parent involved early.

They aren’t in their own world though and have friends and awareness of siblings, it’s just they don’t join in stuff they aren’t interested in.

Bit daft

its not sobering - how v dramatic! Issue is with putting stuff online not a misdiagnosis!

no harm can come from seeking a diagnosis threshold is sooooo high its v unlikely you will get a diagnosis let alone a mis diagnosis

Working in nurseries you start to notice children who are developing at slower rates or behaving differently because you have a sample of 30 or more children in the cohort who are very similar in age. And you have experience of that cohort over many years.

Yes, your child might be autistic but they might not. Early Years educators are not able to diagnose autism but they can certainly spot the traits.

Waiting lists towards autism assessment can take years unless you go private; in the meantime the nursery might contact the local authority SEN dept. to help them put together any interventions that may be needed for your child but you will need to agree to this.

I wouldn't get cross with the nursery, they are doing their job.

but actually responding to name is a developmental target quite early on, well before starting nursery at 3.

most children will join in with their peers during circle time, even if they just sit with their peers. If not it is usually a behavioural or learning issue.

When my son’s childcare provider hinted at autism I reacted just like you OP and I was highly offended. But they were spot on. He was three and I was so used to him I didn’t see any issues at all. Now several years down the line I can spot neurodiversity in other children it’s not necessarily one major red flag that will have you thinking that a child has autism it is often several things. They will have seen this before and will know the signs. Absolutely all the things you have listed can be perfectly normal in a child of that age but they are seeing the child in a room of children the exact same age and it can be obvious that something in the behaviour just isn’t neurotypical. Don’t see it as a criticism of you or your child,

Many autistic children have friends and can maintain friendships. Please do some research on autism. You seem to be very uneducated and potentially doing your child a disservice by allowing your bias to affect their healthcare.

Yes my son would also turn to his name if I shouted it or if it was something like “John, do you want some ice cream”

But if he was playing and I called his name , nope. It’s only now that I have a 1 year old who has consistently turned to her name no matter the situation since about 9 months that I can see the big difference with my son .

Regarding not wanting to join in with circle time etc , my son was exactly the same. And at the time I thought that was a ridiculous thing for nursery to bring up - what little boy wants to sit quietly for a story when there are exciting toys to be played with?! But the majority of kids seem to go along with that social expectation of sitting for circle time when the grown up tells them to and their peers are cooperating

Own world and own agenda can be similar.

You can have friends and be autistic.

Why do you think nursery would have brought up this, if they didn’t have concerns and why are you pushing back.

Also there isn’t anything wrong being autistic it’s just a difference.

I think they’ve just labelled my child and think they are naughty or don’t like them that’s why they’re saying this tbh.

Btw my child also points

Nothing wrong with it but it’s not a difference it’s a lifelong disability

That would be a different discussion. They don't think he's naughty, they think he potentially isn't able to engage the same way as the other kids.

Best thing you can do is get in touch with your public health nurse and get an assessment of need. You'll know either way and can access supports if needed. I knew my son was autistic at 6 months old but nobody would take my concerns seriously until he was 18 months old. Autism doesnt always present the way you might expect. My son met all his milestones early but had a very poor attention span and rarely responded to his name. Getting a diagnosis and early intervention made a huge difference.

Ignoring it won’t stop him having it

Pre school alerted my daughter to the fact they thought my granddaughter was autistic at just 2 years old even though she spoke fluently. They were correct in her case but even if they are not right about your child surely they are just alerting you in case they are autistic? You don’t need to act at this stage just be aware there may be some autistic traits.

Autism isn't naughtiness. My son is one of the best behaved kids in his class and will follow rules to his own detriment to 'be good', he has never stood out as badly behaved. He HAS stood out as struggling to stay still, struggling to take in some information particularly if not delivered directly to him and his attention isn't gotten properly beforehand, he struggles with eye contact and with big emotions, impulsivity was much more than his friends for much longer.

My neurotypical daughter responds when I say her name and always has my neurodivergent son it seems like he's not listening but he's just not processing me saying his name as separate from all the other noise he's dealing with around him. Sounds like your son may be the same.

My son actually had no speech delay and sentences by age 2. Non of the kids I know who were non verbal at 3 were neurotypical (I know some can be speech delayed for other reasons and I've known kids with speech delay but not saying meaningful original sentences by 3 is a big red flag in the absence of hearing difficulties.

This all becomes very relevant when they start school and they can't take instructions from a single teacher at the front of the classroom, or sit in circle time or follow instructions like getting books tidied away for lunchtime. No diagnosis or pathway means actually being labelled naughty rather than having reasonable adjustments and support. Support that can be the difference between accessing the curriculum and not.

At 3 my neurotypical daughter sought out other kids and showed interest in their activities and would take part in games initiated by others. My neurodivergent son would walk off to the construction corner and get the Lego out. He couldn't draw or write because he didn't have the interest or patience for activities he wasn't immediately interested in. The only way I could get him to do arts or crafts was 3d toys related to his special interests which at that point thankfully was Lego and unicorns so plenty of craft options. He talked early but also incessantly about his special interests. Then unicorns, Lego and space now at 8 Lego, specific computer games and currently the history of the British monarchy. He'll leave a room to avoid chat he's not into. ASD is nothing to be scared or embarrassed of

In a nursery setting most children will follow the crowd. They play along side each other rather than with but generally if all the children sit for circle time then at 3 they would too.

your child should response to their name by 3 as well.

there is no harm in it being mentioned and looked into to ensure that your child is getting as much help as possible if/when needed

I agree. They have picked up your child displaying some behaviours right now which could be signs of autism. This doesn't mean you have to decide right now to either get him diagnosed and treat him as an autistic child who needs lots of specialist help from this point on, or decide he isn't autistic and never treat him in the way you might treat an autistic child ever again.

You bare it in mind, so do nursery. If you see behaviours that might be autistic behaviours, and there are methods of helping autistic children displaying those behaviours that might help your child, you use them. Later on you re-evaluate the situation.

Better they think it might be autism than naughty.

Listen to them, it won’t harm but might open doors if you need them. Also might help give you tactics to help him listen to you

It's a whole lot more disabling if your parents refuse to acknowledge it and treat you like you're neurotypical. My son's neuropsychologist cannot believe how well he's doing given his very clear issues in a clinical sense. He has a close group of friends, a supportive school environment and parents who strive to understand his difficulties. As such he's meeting all his school academic targets and excelling in mathsa and history.