Nursery hinting my 3 year old has autism.

[LostandFounded]

I have two DC. DC1 10, DC2 3.

My youngest child’s nursery have recently hinted they think they might be autistic. The reasons they have given is that my child doesn’t listen, doesn’t do what the other kids are doing, is always on their own agenda and doesn’t answer or turn to their name. One example they gave is when everyone else is sat doing circle time my child won’t join in and wants to carry on doing their own thing. My child does also have some speech issues which can make it difficult to understand what they are saying (not massively difficult though). They also asked about hearing tests which have come back with no issues. This is my second child and with my first they also had some speech issues but now at 10 they are fine with no diagnosis and nobody has ever said anything about them having autism. I am quite frustrated as this is my second child and I know my children better than anyone, I am sure my second child will grow up to be similar to my first one who definitely doesn’t have autism and as I said in their life (even though there were speech issues very early on) no autism was ever mentioned. I’m not sure what to do going forward as I feel nursery doesn’t understand my child and will treat them differently as they have hinted at these autistic traits. I also think my child is only 3 how can you possibly suggest that, I’m sure there are many children who were similar and did not go on to have autism, not sure how that can be suggested at only 3.

What advice are you looking for OP?

You have had good advice about why they might hint, their professional opinion, the age at which children can be diagnosed…. etc etc.

The nursery haven’t done anything wrong, they need to make you aware of what they observe.

What you choose to do with that information is up to you.

The nursery is doing its job. This is much better than the opposite approach.

The staff have experience with children and have expressed their opinions to you suggesting that your son may be autistic. Those comments would cause anyone concern and a comment reaction would be denial. The only way ro confirm is to get your son formally assessed for autism by a specialist. It is thought that autism is a condition inherited from a parent,f even though you may not have been diagnosed with it. Many adults have been diagnosed as being autistic later in life. You need to ask youself how much harm would be cause if you don't find out now rather than never.

That is the topic of the thread but shows misdiagnosis does happen and I would personally about assuming anything one way or the other in a child so young.

Why are you so offended? It’s not a slur. And if your child is neurodiverse then the earlier it’s diagnosed the better.

Is that because you think that misdiagnosis was only a thing then, and no longer happens?

Agree with this. The nursery can't diagnose anything, but they are obliged to make you aware of things they observe so you can choose whether or not to arrange further investigations. That's all.

I think you are, understandably, feeling quite defensive about it. But nursery workers see a huge range of children at all ends of the developmental scale and can be quite adept at spotting behaviours that fall outside the range of standard development.

It is very possible to spot signs of autism at the age of 3. One of my good friends had a baby the same time as I had DD1, and by the age of 2.5 the differences were growing increasingly obvious and she was convinced that her daughter was ND. By 3.5 it was quite clear to even a casual observer.

Did anything get raised at the 2 year check?
I would let them get checked as it might not be autism it might be something else which the tests might find. Or it might not be anything.

Better checked at 3 than trying to get a diagnosis at school!

Sounds like my boy who is four and on the autism waiting list. The staff have training in this area so I would listen to them.

I worked in early years for many years and the staff are just doing their job. It does seem that there could be a couple of traits especially not turning around when their name is called. Working within education, educators can be very good at picking these things up early on. As another poster mentioned, we can not diagnose ASD/ADHD but we do become familiar with traits. I work in FE now and when completing support interviews I have mentioned traits and can be with them for a matter of minutes. Low and behold they've ended up with a diagnosis. It's worrying how many kids get to FE and nothing has been mentioned or done. So it does sound like your child's nursery is on the ball.

My boy is obvious at four. I wondered from when he was about one. Just been to check out his new school and you can tell easily who the ND children are.

I’m not really sure what your anger is over here OP? These are presumably experienced and well trained staff if you are happy to leave your child in their care, they see hundreds of children, if they are telling you they have noticed something and want to provide support, referrals, helping with some investigations, what is the harm? If he isn’t autistic, that’s what will be shown and no damage done.

Or at least get on the list for an assessment and then hope to be diagnosed after a few years at school.

Your dc may have autism or they may have a speech delay only that shares similar traits to autism. Either way even if a referral was put in tomorrow they’d likely wait years to be seen. Ime nursery workers are only good at recognising obvious traits so I’d have meeting with them and try and be proactive. Early intervention whether speech or autism is really important.

Unfortunately I am not sure I agree that further research always means that we are more thorough in terms of diagnosis. If anything I am inclined to think the opposite: the more the criteria is broadened the more likely it is that people who don’t have autism will be diagnosed as if they do.

I am certainly not saying that the OPs DS does have autism, but I would tread cautiously.

See it as a positive regardless.

He is on the radar.

Whether this be for delayed development or for autism he is on the radar.

This is GOOD.

The hardest thing to do is to get on the radar. If you are on the radar you will ultimately get a quicker diagnosis should you need it.

The worst thing you can do is to go into denial and say there's no problem at all.

Parents who go into denial seem to end up with the worst issues long term because they won't engage.

This doesn't mean he has autism. This means they are noticing something isn't as expected and to keep an eye. This will be forwarded on.

As I say this is GOOD.

Don't be the parent who is unwilling to have an open mind about this.

My 3 year old was diagnosed with ASD yesterday. He's exactly as you describe yours, as well as a few other tell tales. He talks, he plays, he explores, he just learns differently. Working with his nursery has meant we can get any/all/no support as and when he requires it. Please don't dismiss what they're saying

There’s nothing in that thread that suggests she was misdiagnosed. Her mother thinks she was but that’s not an expert opinion. If you are female you are more likely to mask symptoms and just because her mother thinks she wouldn’t be able to go to a RG uni if she was autistic doesn’t make it true. Most of us are intelligent, I know this may come as a shock but some of us hold down jobs and have a family as well 😱

Just because your oldest child doesn’t have autism doesn’t mean that your youngest also doesn’t have it. DS1 had speech delay amongst other things but isn't autistic. DS2 was actually a very early talker but is autistic. Our nursery staff weren’t looking to treat him differently, merely to meet his needs. Also worth bearing in mind that the referral process is long and we are glad they raised their concerns and referred when he was 3, as he got diagnosed at 5 and that helped us ensure he got the right support through school. Keep an open mind, and remember that you cannot be certain your youngest will develop in the same way as your oldest, they are different children.

Get him tested?
I would want to know and for future education making it fair for everyone.
He is not his sibling.