“Too self absorbed to be a mum”

[Broks]

I’ve always carried a bit of extra meat on my body. Nothing extreme but ive been a 12/14 most of my life.

This year I had enough. I was sick of always going for the flattering options. I’ve lost an unbelievable 24 pounds. I feel amazing. No glp 1s. Maybe have another .5 stone to go? More than that I have been toning up like nobody’s business. I’ve built muscle I’ve never seen before. I thought I would probably stop at this point but to be honest I really want to get the dream bod. Once in my life I want to be “that” woman. And for the first time I actually feel confident that I can achieve that

So MIL came over for lunch yesterday. And as usual asked about grandkids. She does it in a tongue in cheek kind of way. But there’s an underlying seriousness to her comments. Anyway, SIL pipped in and said “Broks won’t have kids until she’s had abs”. Okay so this is something I’ve jokingly said but to my hubby and friends. It’s semi true.

MIL basically spat out in avery heroine tone “ well then if that’s the case she’s too self absorbed and vain to be a mother”.

It’s just nasty. I’ve done all the right things to set myself up for motherhood - education, savings, healthy marriage, house etc. But right now I just want to invest in myself. I don’t think that’s self absorbed behaviour.

I have to see MIL this weekend and I really wanna address her bloody condescending behaviour towards me. I’m a grown woman. I can do what the hell i like.

Your DH needs to have a word. She should never speak to you or about you like that and certainly not in your own house. That's unforgivable.

It needs to be addressed or it will continue / escalate.

When you have children is absolutely none of her fucking business, either.

This is what I thought too.

Weird that someone would think it was 'rage bait' unless they're already holding in that seething rage because they're not happy with their own body.

In which case it wouldn't take much 'baiting' anyway.

Brilliant ha haw. I would use that as a reply OP

Exactly. It is harder losing weight the old fashion way. Thats why injections are so miraculous because they make it a lot easier. Which is a great thing for many people- but OP is allowed and should be proud of how hard she’s worked.

@Calliopespa I’m not really talking about the content of the goal, just the different rules about having a goal and putting yourself first to achieve it.

I doubt the MiL would be calling her son self-absorbed if he lowered his sperm count in his tight Lycra gym shorts while in pursuit of his fitness goal!

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to have grandkids. That doesn’t mean it defines you as a woman. What an odd inference. You can a very full life with a partner, friends and hobbies but still enjoy being surrounded by everything that’s lovely about small children.

What you can’t do is share that opinion with your children or their partners and least of all put pressure on them or mock them about whether or not they intend to have children.

OP out of my friends many of the ones that are brilliant mothers also take care of their bodies and look fabulous. It’s not either/or. They tend to put their energies into everything they do. That’s not self absorbed that’s just living your best life. Of course you might also not be interested in health and fitness but still put your energies to other things that give you joy and be a great parent.

Out of interest did you tell your husband what they said and how did he react?

Totally off point but I'm a size 12/14 and weigh just over 10 stone at 5'3. If I lost 24 pounds and had another 5 stone to lose I'd probably die.

ETA as suggested below I re- read the post slowly.

Try re-reading the OP. Slowly.

I wonder, if the OP's
When we had been married for 6 years I recall overhearing what was obviously a discussion about our lack of breeding and my mother told MIL 'Oh, they won't be having children, they're enjoying themselves too much'! I just looked at it as being very funny, it was also true at the time, we were living abroad in the sun and were certainly enjoying ourselves!

I seem to have deleted my first sentence! 'I wonder if the OP's reaction would have been different if her mother had said it'?

Some peoples bodies dont work properly any more and for those people its a medicine they need to get their body working properly again.
Being proud of not needing that is like being proud of not needing to have a knee replacement.
Doesnt mean OP shouldnt be proud of getting fitter and losing weight, but people who dont need GLP1s arent harder workers than those who do. Serena Williams needed them. Pretty sure as a world champion athlete she would know a bit about hard work?

I have PCOS, got my ideal body before pregnancy put 4 stone on in 9 months, and Pgp and gestational diabetes which is more likely with pcos. My son is 7 and whilst I have lost a lot of it, I'm not back to the superfit person I was prior. I had always carried a little extra until I hit the gym really really hard as it sounds like you are, I also had to really restrict calories, fitness was a big part of my life. It's ok to prioritise yourself , but if you are thinking of having DC soon, save your energy for working on your body for after , our bodies are not the kind to just ping back into shape!

Not so sure about pie and chips but a valrhona chocolate mousse is way more sexy than low fat lemon yoghurt as a big break-out treat.

Sorry I just find that level of application to what is ultimately a vanity project (and it is that: you can eat normally and still be a very healthy shape and weight) a bit joyless.

You may have cats though? Clue's in the name.

🤣

Touché

Well honestly I don't know.

I mean if I were trying to conceive and my DH did that, you can bet I'd be calling it self-absorbed.

I'm not sure I agree men are allowed more leeway on this. My friend's teen son does a facial routine each night and has been told he is vain and self-absorbed. Yet think how many girls do that as standard maintenance.

No, the point is its completely irrelevant. Different people have different challenges, different medical needs, and needing GLP1 as your body doesnt function properly isnt 'easier'.

@JudgeJ that seems a very different type of comment from your DM and I’d have probably reacted like you did. It’s not singling you out or criticising your personality and choices.

Well done OP, that's fantastic! You can tell from your posts that you're feeling happy and confident which I think is brilliant.

MIL sounds catty and that was so unnecessary of her to say. Very cruel. If she says anything else I'd have some responses saved in my head ready to go (hopefully you won't need them!)

Some peoples bodies dont work properly any more and for those people its a medicine they need to get their body working properly again.

🙄and in the real world most people take it because it is a quick and easy way to lose weight with no thought or work needed.
The OP has done amazing and she should be incredibly proud of herself, especially when there is an incredibly easy, but expensive, option out there.
Well done @Broks ! Ignore the MIL, as you can see from this thread, some women don't need much of a reason to try and bring another woman down. These types of women are best ignored.

Come on, you're being disingenuous and you know it.

WLI have changed the lives of countless amounts of people in the world who couldn't stick to their diets because of 'food noise' and being hungry all the time.

That's why for the majority, they make losing weight easier with them than without.

But you know this.

‘Not so sure about pie and chips but a valrhona chocolate mousse is way more sexy than low fat lemon yoghurt as a big break-out treat.’

@Calliopespa before you commit to the idea of chocolate mousse being sexy you should know/be reminded that it was a central ingredient in Alan Partridge’s seduction technique on at least one occasion.

I genuinely assumed most people would get .5 stone = half a stone. I did not type that thinking mistake people wouldn’t get it 😂

I know!😂

But actually I can see him pulling the lemon yoghurt card too!

Quite. I would love to lose 24 pounds!

How rude, she sounds bitter that she didn't get the opportunity to prioritise herself when she was younger.

I'd have said, "You think that setting an example of having a healthy lifestyle and ensuring I have energy and health to provide optimal care to my children is self-absorbed? How strange."