“Too self absorbed to be a mum”

[Broks]

I’ve always carried a bit of extra meat on my body. Nothing extreme but ive been a 12/14 most of my life.

This year I had enough. I was sick of always going for the flattering options. I’ve lost an unbelievable 24 pounds. I feel amazing. No glp 1s. Maybe have another .5 stone to go? More than that I have been toning up like nobody’s business. I’ve built muscle I’ve never seen before. I thought I would probably stop at this point but to be honest I really want to get the dream bod. Once in my life I want to be “that” woman. And for the first time I actually feel confident that I can achieve that

So MIL came over for lunch yesterday. And as usual asked about grandkids. She does it in a tongue in cheek kind of way. But there’s an underlying seriousness to her comments. Anyway, SIL pipped in and said “Broks won’t have kids until she’s had abs”. Okay so this is something I’ve jokingly said but to my hubby and friends. It’s semi true.

MIL basically spat out in avery heroine tone “ well then if that’s the case she’s too self absorbed and vain to be a mother”.

It’s just nasty. I’ve done all the right things to set myself up for motherhood - education, savings, healthy marriage, house etc. But right now I just want to invest in myself. I don’t think that’s self absorbed behaviour.

I have to see MIL this weekend and I really wanna address her bloody condescending behaviour towards me. I’m a grown woman. I can do what the hell i like.

plus, it's generally not recommended to start with intense exercise when pregnant, but it is fine to continue with what you are used to. Exercising while pregnant has a long list of benefits for both mum and baby.
So MIL and SIL are not only rude but also ignorant.

Bizarre people can’t read properly. Especially given that in context, no one size 12 needs to lose 5 stone.

Anyway, YANBU to be fed up with MIL, but I wouldn’t address her latest comment now, just have a few ripostes mapped out you can throw out there if/when she does it again. I can’t believe people still think it’s okay to nag a grown woman about having children, especially when you have PCOS. Your fertility is none of her business.

Take no notice of her OP. I made sure I was in the best shape of my life before I had children and got in shape again after having them. My partner was/is perfectly capable of looking after his own children whilst I work out and have time for myself. I found working out is great for my mental health and I like to look fit and toned.

My SIL was a little overweight before she had children and is now a few stone overweight.

Neither of us please our MIL, despite both being good mothers, good partners to her sons, working hard, being good people etc.

Even as women, we are allowed to think of ourselves, despite having children. I know, wild right? I think that actually, it’s a great lesson to teach our kids, that although we love them more than anything, we are still people too, with needs and wants.

Good for you? Some people do have medical problems. I am one of them.
'The good old fashioned way' 🙄 does not work for me, although it did prior to my thyroid and hormone issues. I was 'slim' for many years until my body DID become broken.
You dont get to speak on behalf of others.

So sick of the nasty spiteful people on here who cant possible accept that anyone has a different experience to them but rather than opening their tiny closed minds, choose to mock them.

I haven’t read the whole thread but what a nasty comment from her.

And if women have to not care what they look like or about their health in order to be a mum then there aren’t many women out there who will qualify. It’s fine and indeed best for your future kids to want to be a healthy weight and have some muscle.

I suppose the only issue is if you’re already 38 let’s say and your quest for abs is going to eat into your remaining fertile window. I don’t think that justifies MIL comment though.

I was wondering if the OP would have reacted in the same way had the comment from her mother rather than MIL, I think I managed to delete that part of my post! People seem far more sensitive to comments from their MIL than from their mother.

exactly! Do some people think a prerequisite to becoming a mother is to not give a shit what you look like or care about your health?!

cos I don’t know ANY mothers who fit that bill!

People (in-laws and it turns out randoms on the internet) incredibly and incorrectly think they have a right to discuss, comment or influence womens body autonomy. Whether a woman is dieting, overweight, lifts weights, runs marathons, eats McDonald's every day, is planning to have 6 kids, never wants children, wants to use a sperm donor, uses contraception etc. Is no ones business or choice but hers.
If you're not harming anyone you go right ahead and do what the fuck you want. You're not a grandchild making machine (which is i suspect is where the anger comes from. If so she needs a hobby).
Honestly..... I'm impressed if you can hold your tongue this weekend. Next time try and address it factually in the moment. "That was rude and uncalled for". "I'll decide when and if i have children", "i will decide what my life priorities are and i don't appreciate being judged for having completely normal goals".
Best of luck.

As pre teen read the Hornblower books. In one of them (Last Chance?) Hornblower declines to shoot an nasty piece of work because he was “not worth the powder”.

Its been my favourite description ever since for people who behave like this. She is not worth your powder or a second of headspace. Well done on your achievements. Any plans you may or may not have for children are precisely none of her business and if its persistent DH should tell her to wind her neck in. Ignore her, enjoy your life - its the best response.

You're taking it way too personally.

Well, there's no other way to take a comment like 'You're too self-absorbed to be a mum', is there? She's taking it personally because it literally is personal. A very deliberate, personal insult attacking her personality and suitability as a parent.

OP has edited her post, but was clearly proud of doing it without injections. Nothing wrong with that, but also nothing wrong with doing it with injections.

I mentioned some people need them for health reasons and was piled onto and told people use injections as they cant be bothered putting in the effort / work etc. Well I sure hope those people dont get to where I am (post menopausal, thyroid issues) and suddenly find like me that literally nothing works even 2 hours of exercise a day because your HRT counters all the good work, but you cant sleep without it and you need to sleep to function at work. I have barely changed diet or exercise and lost a lot, so its clearly a blood sugar function type issue - eg medical, not laziness.

I could lose weight without injections if I was OPs age and hadnt had 4 kids, but Im not. Sick to death of pileons from people who honestly dont have a clue.

Why shouldn't she be proud of losing weight without jabs? It's really hard.
I know i have lost 25 lbs over the past 30 months and it has been painfully slow.

As you get older it is really hard.

yes, totally this