“Too self absorbed to be a mum”

[Broks]

I’ve always carried a bit of extra meat on my body. Nothing extreme but ive been a 12/14 most of my life.

This year I had enough. I was sick of always going for the flattering options. I’ve lost an unbelievable 24 pounds. I feel amazing. No glp 1s. Maybe have another .5 stone to go? More than that I have been toning up like nobody’s business. I’ve built muscle I’ve never seen before. I thought I would probably stop at this point but to be honest I really want to get the dream bod. Once in my life I want to be “that” woman. And for the first time I actually feel confident that I can achieve that

So MIL came over for lunch yesterday. And as usual asked about grandkids. She does it in a tongue in cheek kind of way. But there’s an underlying seriousness to her comments. Anyway, SIL pipped in and said “Broks won’t have kids until she’s had abs”. Okay so this is something I’ve jokingly said but to my hubby and friends. It’s semi true.

MIL basically spat out in avery heroine tone “ well then if that’s the case she’s too self absorbed and vain to be a mother”.

It’s just nasty. I’ve done all the right things to set myself up for motherhood - education, savings, healthy marriage, house etc. But right now I just want to invest in myself. I don’t think that’s self absorbed behaviour.

I have to see MIL this weekend and I really wanna address her bloody condescending behaviour towards me. I’m a grown woman. I can do what the hell i like.

Who pissed on your chips?

I love that you feel confident and happy. That’s ace.
They sound particularly unpleasant. Maybe they’re a bit jealous or can’t bear to see women doing well.
Do you have to see them this weekend? I’d be tempted to not go. If you do see them I think it’s a bit late to address this particular comment but be prepared for future comments and challenge them there and then.

I don't think addressing it directly after the fact is going to work. I would 100% be prepared for the next comment and how you'll respond. Think about what you'll say when she says anything about having children and how you're giong to shut it down.

You could also go down the slightly passive aggressive route and make a few "jokey" comments like, "I'm off to the gym now MIL, see you later. I know, I know, SOOOOOO self absorbed of me but you can have lovely mummy son time with DH which will be BRILLIANT for you. You won't get that when the babies come....".

But I don't really recommend it. It's unlikely to help your relationship long term.

If 'a point' means 'a spiteful remark that's complete bollocks', then sure.

Otherwise, no.

I think you will look a bit odd bringing this up at a later date. Just be prepared to shut her down next time she mentions something about your body or having children. Something along the lines of “that’s interesting Sue but it’s none of your business really “

I want to write a book about Avery Heroine... she sounds cool.

That was a needlessly nasty thing to say. I would want to know if my husband has been talking about with his mum and sister. FWIW I had older 2 kids when I was in my early 20s. Love being their mum but in hindsight I wish I’d had waited a bit longer to grow up a bit and do stuff that was just for me.

I your mil keeps saying it is get your dh to speak to her. There’s lots of reasons couples don’t have children.
Your SIL was just repeating a silly thing you say.
It’s a decision for you as a couple. I’d just say you aren’t discussing children or lack of with her.
She perhaps thought you were losing weight to try and conceive/have a healthy pregnancy but nothing to do with her.

You're taking it way too personally.

Do you, work out, get your dream bod if it's important.

It’s another .5 stone she says she needs to lose - half a stone.
I didn’t get that she was shaming anyone using glp1 from her original post either. All I got was a huge sense of happiness and achievement at how far she’s come and how MIL has tried to slap her down.

im slightly confused by you saying you still have another 5 stone to go when you started as a size 12/14- is that a typo?

.5 stone, not 5 stone.

Read again, she put ‘.5’ as in half

I think you’re projecting here actually. She’s said she didn’t use them, I assume because people will ask, and also it’s ok to be proud of herself for doing it with pure willpower alone.

She’s not shamed peope, she’s barely mentioned it other than to say she’s not used them.

I use Mounjaro, it deffo makes it easier for me to lose weight. It’s not easy, it’s still bloody hard, but it’s easier. I don’t know why you felt so triggered by this

if you need to lose 5 stone

She said .5 stone, not 5 stone. Did you never learn decimals at school?

If not, you need to know that .5 stone is half a stone, not 5 stone.

She also didn't shame anyone for using weight loss jabs. And for most people, it absolutely IS harder work not using them - that's precisely why people who have struggled to lose weight all their lives find GLP1 to be a game-changer. There's nothing remotely shaming about acknowledging that. It's harder to lose weight without GLP1s in the same way it's harder to get through a dose of flu without paracetamol; it's not shaming anybody to acknowledge that.

I also suggest that next time, instead of being a rude b that you learn to read 😊

Well done OP...if it were me, I'd show off even more when MIl came over, dress fabulously and piss her off even more. She's a jealous cow

She's not allowed chips

No, but then 'narcissism' as used on here is a bit of women's magazine pop psychology. Your obsession with a 'dream bod' also has fuck all to do with parenting. It's like saying you're not going to try to conceive until you've grown your hair to bra strap level or improved your teeth or something.

It'll be good for any pregnancy and future babies to have a healthy body to grow in and a fit mum to run around after them. Just tell her that next time she has any comments to make.

😂 Oh thanks. I really thought Avery Heroine was the name of some character. 🤣 If it isn't, it should be.

well done op. It’s great you’re feeling good about yourself but don’t let your mil control your emotions. Think of neutral responses to say next time she makes comments like that because people like her always do.
Not caring about what she says will annoying her more than provoking a reaction.

I don't automatically think OP was shaming anyone who uses GLP1 because I think shaming is a very over-used term.

But there is tonnes of discourse on SM and in society about the use of GLP1. About how it is 'cheating' so anyone using them to successfully lose weight is immediately coming up against the attitudes of 'did you use GLP1? or do it the right way? the harder way, the way where you're not cheating?

Anyone using GLP1 is then automatically excluded from really celebrating their weight loss.

So whether OP intended to or not, her even mentioning she didn't use GLP1s means she's absorbed all those messages and is her saying she did it the 'hard way' ie the right way.

And i'm a size 14 BTW, not a very overweight person, wouldn't use GLP1. I've just seen the toxic attitudes since Ozempic became a 'thing' that celebs were using a few years ago.

If you felt shamed by OP's mention of GLP1's, that's very much your own insecurity. And from my decades of experience in trying to lose/maintain weight, it very much is easier using them.

Back to the point OP, I don't think you're being selfish or indeed too selfish to be a mother, but even if you were, so what?!?! When it comes to your own body, be as bloody selfish as you like. Your sole purpose on this planet is not to make a woman who happens to be related to your husband, a grandparent.

You go get you that 6 pack!

Uh..no she doesn’t. Its phenomenally rude and not true at all.