“Too self absorbed to be a mum”

[Broks]

I’ve always carried a bit of extra meat on my body. Nothing extreme but ive been a 12/14 most of my life.

This year I had enough. I was sick of always going for the flattering options. I’ve lost an unbelievable 24 pounds. I feel amazing. No glp 1s. Maybe have another .5 stone to go? More than that I have been toning up like nobody’s business. I’ve built muscle I’ve never seen before. I thought I would probably stop at this point but to be honest I really want to get the dream bod. Once in my life I want to be “that” woman. And for the first time I actually feel confident that I can achieve that

So MIL came over for lunch yesterday. And as usual asked about grandkids. She does it in a tongue in cheek kind of way. But there’s an underlying seriousness to her comments. Anyway, SIL pipped in and said “Broks won’t have kids until she’s had abs”. Okay so this is something I’ve jokingly said but to my hubby and friends. It’s semi true.

MIL basically spat out in avery heroine tone “ well then if that’s the case she’s too self absorbed and vain to be a mother”.

It’s just nasty. I’ve done all the right things to set myself up for motherhood - education, savings, healthy marriage, house etc. But right now I just want to invest in myself. I don’t think that’s self absorbed behaviour.

I have to see MIL this weekend and I really wanna address her bloody condescending behaviour towards me. I’m a grown woman. I can do what the hell i like.

When you are 12-14 it is

@Larrythecatforpm

how so?

My mil didn't like it when I got super toned and slim

MIL is making the assumption youre having kids. Maybe time to change that perception. Nothing is promised, run the plan by DH so hes not blindsided but start dropping comments about child free life being appealing, how nothing taste so go as skinny feels, random dropped comments about how being child free is so liberating... plant the seed that children might NOT be on the horizon.

After all, you dont know what the future brings, nothing better to blast an assumption and put someone back in their lane.

God this is all such a load of shit isn’t it. Op you are clearly doing womaning wrong.
My mother goaded me when I was pg with comments like this ‘you won’t be able to wear any make up when you have a baby you know’ and that kind of thing. 17 years later and 2 DDs I do absolutely everything I did for myself that I did before the babies. It’s just veiled misogyny.

I wonder how many blokes pumping iron get harassed by other blokes about whether they’ve had kids yet. Just women tearing each other to shreds over this shit.

I went up to a 12/14, ok MAYYYYBE a small 16 /around 12 stone as soon as I hit 40, despite not doing anything differently or worse. Good diet and loads of working out. Worked fine up til I was 40.

Nothing, but nothing, would shift this, and believe me I tried, until I took weight loss tablets (Orlistat) in 2024. That kickstarted something in me which exercise and a good diet just could not touch. You have to work bloody hard with zero room for error when on those pills. Any treats and my God you will pay.

Congrats though for doing it without.

As for "vain". No. Now I've lost 3 stone I can see how much more energy I have, and how much better I feel mentally and physically. Why do people always think that taking care of yourself is vanity? Makes me so angry.

Your MIL is really rude. As she is probably angling for grandchildren, just tell her that you've taken her advice on board and your've realised that you are too selfish to have children so she needs to stop asking when she will have grandkids because she won't get any from you.

It doesn't matter if it's not true. If and when you do have children, make sure that you keep them well away from her.

I have pcos. Weight loss for me is very hard work. I’ve never been able to get beyond losing 10 pounds before giving up. It’s unbelievable for me.

Well done to you! She has no right to keep on banging on about when or if you are going to have a baby, next time just tell her it’s none of her bloody business. If she thinks you are selfish so what!

I think she said .5 stone. So 7 pounds, not 5 stone! She didn’t shame anyone who use injections. As you said it’s a different set of challenges so I imagine she’s using it to shorthand her challenges.

What makes you think that?

If you're a size 12, surely you haven't got another 5 stones to lose?

Why is it self-absorbed of OP to have a baby based on her own timeframes rather than MIL’s?

Is it everyone’s bodies you think society should have a say on, or just women of child bearing age?

Why?

.5 stone, not 5 stones.

What? What point?

Ah honestly how sensitive can you possibly be, and she said.5 of a stone not 5 stones, so I’d say she’s in fab shape.
OP Iva always worked out a lot and I’m a pretty decent mum if I do say so myself. I learned early on to be selfish about taking time out for myself to exercise and god it made me a lot easier to be around particularly now at 49

The OP said .5 stone.

Awful thing for MIL to say. She doesn't think it's her right to have grandchildren does she? I would call her on it and ask her to explain herself. Whatever she meant, you do you and get that cracking body.

half a stone to go ie 7 pounds

I got the fittest I’ve ever been just before my first pregnancy. Loved it: the outfits, the increased energy, the boost in confidence, all of it! I’ve never been and probably will never be that size again and really couldn’t care less. But it probably helped me conceive and also have a healthy pregnancy. So I’d say as long as a changing / changed body wouldn’t upset you, enjoy it and then enjoy being a mum!

I recall that if a woman lost weight in marriage it was seen as a sign that her body was getting ready for pregnancy, the 'saying' was 'a thinning before a thickening'!

I think she’s jealous. The “I won’t have kids till I’ve had abs” thing is a joke, I’ve heard that a load of times and is a good way to brush off nosey people who ask when they’re getting grandkids. Well done on your weight loss OP, it sounds like you’ve worked really hard.

Your body does change after you have kids, but you know that because I’m assuming you have a mother and didn’t just spawn. It’s true that your body does change forever, but you can definitely get fit and healthy again after having kids, it is just harder logistically sometimes. You used to be a 12/14 so you probably have a decent idea of what you could look like post children. You probably won’t be as toned as you are now, so enjoy yourself as you are for a bit and have kids when you feel ready. Simple. :)

Next time she asks about grandkids tell her youre too horribly vain and self absorbed to have them. How dare a mother take care of herself!