Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think the new school WhatsApp mum is overstepping?

309 replies

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 06:40

Really weird incident happened my my daughters new school so I wanted some insight and reassurance it’s not a sign of things to come:

We have a WhatsApp group set up from an event in May where all parents are already in and not much activity apart from “did everyone get their forms in” type questions and “does anyone know what clubs the school does” it’s all very casual and parents with older children already at the school have been helpful.

yesterday we found out the form classes our children are in and we met our form teacher in person. Someone in main chat suggested this is a good time to create sub groups for forms and people started posting for example if you are in 7Xyz then join the group. All very friendly and nice till this mum let’s call her Q started ranting and saying “please everyone be patient, when I get home I will sort out” others just questioned that we’re here in person now so easier to set up but her response got very annoyed and said I said be patient. No one else responded on there so I assumed everyone okay with it. I wasn’t bothered right then and thought let her crack on if she wants to take the lead.

after a few hours she created a new community and then sub communities so the new main one for whole of year 7 and then 6 for the forms. She then asked a rep for each form and gave them admin rights, herself too being an admin in EACH form class! She then made it so the community couldn’t post in the main one but had to go though the class admin each time, so I couldn’t just post in the main one I would have to go through my rep who would then post on my behalf!

she then wanted us all to prove we were who we were saying by taking a picture of the name sticker we were given at the event yesterday which has our name, child’s name and form class. I’ll be honest I binned mine and didn’t keep. I was feeling very uncomfortable with all this especially as she kept shouting people down who questioned what she was saying.

I already know 2 mums there as our kids in same primary school so I messaged them and asked what they felt about it all - they just responded vaguely snd not much bother so I thought okay most people don’t care.

Another mum spoke up who I don’t know and questioned why she’s an admin of every sub tutor group when her child is only in one to which lots of people responded saying yes why plus why we can’t post in the main group for all year 7’s. She didn’t do in the way I’m explaining it was more being really nice to her type questioning like she’s scared of her. Q still got upset and said she said she was just trying to help. But I feel it was all rather crazy and wasting everyone’s time. She’s not in my form group thank God. Is this a sign of things to come? DD is my eldest and we’ve had WhatsApp groups in primary but not to this level of craziness! I should avoid Q at all costs and pray our kids don’t become friends yes?

it all feels really bizarre to me like why do all that when it was actually quite simple to do and she made it a million times more complex. Plus why did everyone just go along with it for so long and start posting pictures of their name tags? It’s like one person who I didn’t meet or know suddenly became our leader and everyone went with it. Only when sub group reps realised how much work it will be for them to get each member plus be the go between did one speak up and then it was just really nicey nicey. I really wanted to post how crazy it was but DH stopped me and said don’t do it.

OP posts:
Nowthatshuge · 30/06/2026 06:43

Crikey, if I was you I’d just make another group with everyone in casually and crack on as you were before
there’s no need to have form groups anyhow??

TakeThatAndParty81 · 30/06/2026 06:43

There is one similar to this in our year - she just does what she wants .. very controlling and wants us to praise her very two mins. I don’t know what you do. Maybe set up a separate class group and say you can’t control things like this? She’s weird

Creepybookworm · 30/06/2026 06:44

Having parent WhatsApp groups in secondary is weird. The good thing about secondary is that none of this enforced mixing with other parents is usual.

Splashduck · 30/06/2026 06:45

Far too much drama.

i’d bow out and stay well away from it .

Stopandlook · 30/06/2026 06:46

Vote with your feet. You don’t need this crap in secondary school fortunately- the kids work things out themselves.

Summerbay23 · 30/06/2026 06:50

Yup. I’m another one who wouldn’t bother/wouldn’t have time for that. Definitely not needed at secondary school and probably far too many people in each group or form. Or are you possibly private school/less people where this might be more normal? Although I still wouldn’t have time for whole form/year WhatsApp groups.

HoraceCope · 30/06/2026 06:51

Stopandlook · 30/06/2026 06:46

Vote with your feet. You don’t need this crap in secondary school fortunately- the kids work things out themselves.

absolutely

Cornishclio · 30/06/2026 06:52

Goodness me however did we cope with secondary school before whats app. She sounds controlling and I would just do your own with maybe the mums/parents of your kids friends. Why do you need to contact all the parents of the form group? Or just contact the school.

Namingbaba · 30/06/2026 06:52

She sounds so odd. Like others say I’d just leave and not deal with that. Or at the very least just mute the chat so you can check it if you’re ever confused about something but like others say children at that age should be able to sort things out and know better what’s going on. Don’t you also get official emails, letters etc. Those should keep you updated

nam3c4ang3 · 30/06/2026 06:53

We had one like that - we just created a sub-group and we speak like normal people on that.

MyOliveStork · 30/06/2026 06:57

It took me a minute to figure out you are talking about SECONDARY school!!!! Why are you bothering? I didn’t have anything to do with other parents at high school, my kids dealt with their own stuff. Secondary school was a big step back for me. Maybe you should do the same and help enable your child to take the responsibility themselves? Usually you know a parent or two (or more) from primary that you stay in touch with, or get to know some parents in time, trade numbers and stay in touch re school/club stuff. I don’t understand why a WhatsApp group is necessary. Just opt out of the group and stay out of it. Hardly like you will be chatting in the playground is it?

Roseonthebalcony · 30/06/2026 06:58

you sound way too over invested in the details, who cares!!! it’s secondary school!

coolcahuna · 30/06/2026 06:59

Just leave the groups..none of this is needed at secondary

Givemeausernamepls · 30/06/2026 07:00

Just leave the group. My older kids are 12 and 14, I have never been part of a class WhatsApp group.

AlgaeDreams · 30/06/2026 07:02

Haha she'll be the one complaining that she's exhausted with all the school admin she's doing. Ooh look at me Head/PTA aren't I fucking annoying.

ainsleysanob · 30/06/2026 07:02

I’d rather have shit in my hands and clap than be included in a school WhatsApp group, especially at secondary school. Just leave the group!

Whyherewego · 30/06/2026 07:02

If you really are worried then I'd set up a separate "casual chat" group for everyone with a join with this link and post the in the chat. That way you can have another space.
Otherwise just leave it be and forget about it. The groups will soon die

ParadoxicallySurviving · 30/06/2026 07:03

We had a primary school group that just changed its name to Y7 (90% of kids went to the high school). Vast majority non bonkers parents but I still have it on mute/archive.

After the initial couple of weeks it wasn’t really useful and these were kids that my DC actually knew - not randoms. Kids sort themselves out.

onmylastnerveseriously · 30/06/2026 07:05

No one uses WhatsApp’s at secondary. Just leave and have a small group with your mates for occasional note swapping or reminders

crumpetswithcheeze · 30/06/2026 07:08

This is how the world works. Nutcases with a chip on their shoulder are in charge of most things, people who aren’t glory seekers just let them
get on with it. She sounds like a PITA and I would use the old what’s app group if still available, just to piss her off.

Sassylovesbooks · 30/06/2026 07:09

My son's secondary school has a Parent Facebook group, but it's for all years. A WhatsApp group for parents at secondary school seems odd in itself. Let alone a WhatsApp group for each year group! I thought WhatsApp groups weren't even a thing for parents once at secondary school!!

I don't understand why the original WhatsApp group, that all parents could use, changed? There was no need to have WhatsApp group for every year group. The older the children become, the less these groups will be used, so it's better to keep to one main group.

Was this woman the Admin on the main WhatsApp group? I can only assume she is, and therefore decided to expand it into year groups. I can guarantee that most of those year group WhatsApp groups will be used infrequently!

SummitWrong · 30/06/2026 07:11

Does it actually matter? Its a school WhatsApp group, not the UN.

takingitdown · 30/06/2026 07:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TokyoSushi · 30/06/2026 07:18

You really don’t need a WhatsApp group in Y7…

AgnesMcDoo · 30/06/2026 07:19

Secondary school apps dwindle to nothing very quickly.

just archive it and move on. You will never use it.