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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think the new school WhatsApp mum is overstepping?

309 replies

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 06:40

Really weird incident happened my my daughters new school so I wanted some insight and reassurance it’s not a sign of things to come:

We have a WhatsApp group set up from an event in May where all parents are already in and not much activity apart from “did everyone get their forms in” type questions and “does anyone know what clubs the school does” it’s all very casual and parents with older children already at the school have been helpful.

yesterday we found out the form classes our children are in and we met our form teacher in person. Someone in main chat suggested this is a good time to create sub groups for forms and people started posting for example if you are in 7Xyz then join the group. All very friendly and nice till this mum let’s call her Q started ranting and saying “please everyone be patient, when I get home I will sort out” others just questioned that we’re here in person now so easier to set up but her response got very annoyed and said I said be patient. No one else responded on there so I assumed everyone okay with it. I wasn’t bothered right then and thought let her crack on if she wants to take the lead.

after a few hours she created a new community and then sub communities so the new main one for whole of year 7 and then 6 for the forms. She then asked a rep for each form and gave them admin rights, herself too being an admin in EACH form class! She then made it so the community couldn’t post in the main one but had to go though the class admin each time, so I couldn’t just post in the main one I would have to go through my rep who would then post on my behalf!

she then wanted us all to prove we were who we were saying by taking a picture of the name sticker we were given at the event yesterday which has our name, child’s name and form class. I’ll be honest I binned mine and didn’t keep. I was feeling very uncomfortable with all this especially as she kept shouting people down who questioned what she was saying.

I already know 2 mums there as our kids in same primary school so I messaged them and asked what they felt about it all - they just responded vaguely snd not much bother so I thought okay most people don’t care.

Another mum spoke up who I don’t know and questioned why she’s an admin of every sub tutor group when her child is only in one to which lots of people responded saying yes why plus why we can’t post in the main group for all year 7’s. She didn’t do in the way I’m explaining it was more being really nice to her type questioning like she’s scared of her. Q still got upset and said she said she was just trying to help. But I feel it was all rather crazy and wasting everyone’s time. She’s not in my form group thank God. Is this a sign of things to come? DD is my eldest and we’ve had WhatsApp groups in primary but not to this level of craziness! I should avoid Q at all costs and pray our kids don’t become friends yes?

it all feels really bizarre to me like why do all that when it was actually quite simple to do and she made it a million times more complex. Plus why did everyone just go along with it for so long and start posting pictures of their name tags? It’s like one person who I didn’t meet or know suddenly became our leader and everyone went with it. Only when sub group reps realised how much work it will be for them to get each member plus be the go between did one speak up and then it was just really nicey nicey. I really wanted to post how crazy it was but DH stopped me and said don’t do it.

OP posts:
Dimmies · 30/06/2026 09:15

My daughter's in Year 7. At the start there were WhatsApp groups set up for each form and one for Year 7 as a whole. No-one used the form groups after the first two weeks. The whole-year group is used a lot and is really useful. No weirdos. Useful info from parents who have an older child at the school and can offer their experience.

lessglittermoremud · 30/06/2026 09:16

Sounds awful, and I would be leaving it 😂
Our school WhatsApp group is a community with a general section and then a sub group for each class.
It was done this way as the school muddle up the classes every couple of years so this way we can switch between the classes, stay in both class WhatsApps because the children have friends in both or just look at the general section.
It all sounds like a lot of drama, when someone new tries to join the class group, new starters etc a post gets put on to ask if anyone knows who they are, taking photo of proof seems extreme!

katepilar · 30/06/2026 09:19

Some people like to be controlling and have they ideas that dont work. Other people do what they are asked without giving it a thought.
I would stick to the original group chat or create another easy-to-join-and-use one.

ClairDeLaLune · 30/06/2026 09:27

What’s the class rep thing all about? Did Q appoint them? Batshit! Not at all normal to have class reps in secondary. Or at all really.

Just set up a separate group for your kid’s class, call it 7X Chat or whatever, and leave the control freak to it.

TinyTear · 30/06/2026 09:27

When my eldest started secondary there was an attempt for a group but never had much traction. i think there were some messages about the residential but that was it.

PrincessOfPreschool · 30/06/2026 09:32

Never had a parent WhatsApp in secondary. People posted for about a year on the old Y6 one but that was that. There is a Facebook group for the entire school where you can write a question eg. Is there an inset day tomorrow? What day do Y10 start? I have some books to sell....Etc etc. Not nothing this crazy (unless I'm not part of it). I would just avoid and use other means of communication. Let those who want an unelected crazy leader be led.

Sovignyonblonksvp · 30/06/2026 09:40

When they are in y7 there is no need for all of this. One of the joys of kids moving up to secondary school.

Ditch all the chats and walk away. It’s truly glorious on the other side!

Trishthedish · 30/06/2026 09:43

School admin here. Forget it. School office will email/text anything important. Senior school is not like junior school, you will not be hanging around the playground picking up your children. So unless you need more batshit drama in your life leave the group, or mute it.

Kim5678 · 30/06/2026 09:44

Has she actually been appointed or officially volunteered to be in charge of this or has she just taken it upon herself? I think others will get annoyed with her trying to be Queen Bee but as it’s only June I wouldn’t worry about it too much

Bookbears · 30/06/2026 09:45

What a nut. We have a mum like this on our WhatsApp group, thinks she’s the main character, but thankfully most people will speak up when she starts so she doesn’t get very far.

I would just block her and create a new group without all the rules and regulations. I would bet money on her being a moderator for a Facebook group that admin have to approve every post and if you comment anon you get your comment deleted or blocked for 24 hours like you’ve committed a crime. Just be thankful you don’t have to live with her.

WithTwoGiantBoys · 30/06/2026 09:56

Having a Whatsapp group for the year is handy. The one for my son's secondary saved my bacon numerous times especially when I had kids at multiple schools and wasn't as on it as I could have been in keeping up with all the millions of comms emails. We also used it to coordinate lifts for things like DofE expeditions later and now eldest has finished 1st year of uni it is mostly people posting job ads they've seen for the long summer break. Year 7 was a bit of a nightmare though.

It is really useful if the people running it are organised and put timely reminders in it for things like when to sign up for stuff, school letters used to go on it, reminders of mufti days etc. I think everyone was a bit overexcited at the start of year 7 and made it less handy when every post is followed by 40 people saying thanks or there are many posts a day looking for lost pe kit followed by 20 "sorry, we don't have it". Our coordinator was quick to stop any school-bashing.

I can see this set up could work well but its a lot of work for the reps to do the screening!

WithTwoGiantBoys · 30/06/2026 09:58

WithTwoGiantBoys · 30/06/2026 09:56

Having a Whatsapp group for the year is handy. The one for my son's secondary saved my bacon numerous times especially when I had kids at multiple schools and wasn't as on it as I could have been in keeping up with all the millions of comms emails. We also used it to coordinate lifts for things like DofE expeditions later and now eldest has finished 1st year of uni it is mostly people posting job ads they've seen for the long summer break. Year 7 was a bit of a nightmare though.

It is really useful if the people running it are organised and put timely reminders in it for things like when to sign up for stuff, school letters used to go on it, reminders of mufti days etc. I think everyone was a bit overexcited at the start of year 7 and made it less handy when every post is followed by 40 people saying thanks or there are many posts a day looking for lost pe kit followed by 20 "sorry, we don't have it". Our coordinator was quick to stop any school-bashing.

I can see this set up could work well but its a lot of work for the reps to do the screening!

Oh and lots of them as leavers picked up tutoring jobs when people posted on there they were looking for someone to tutor A-level or GCSE subjects.

drunkelephant83 · 30/06/2026 09:58

I didn’t even realise parents had WhatsApp groups in secondary schools. Dip out your life will be more peaceful.

Ablondiebutagoody · 30/06/2026 10:02

I'm not in any secondary school whatsapp groups. Don't see the point. There is plenty of communication from school and the kids need to take responsibility for organising themselves.

Denim4ever · 30/06/2026 10:05

Creepybookworm · 30/06/2026 06:44

Having parent WhatsApp groups in secondary is weird. The good thing about secondary is that none of this enforced mixing with other parents is usual.

Exactly this, plus who needs a WhatsApp group for every little teeny weeny associated bunch of people

ByRoseBiscuit · 30/06/2026 10:06

This is why I’m not in any school WhatsApp groups!!!

Helpwithdivorce · 30/06/2026 10:08

There is no need for class WhatsApp’s in secondary school. This is a primary thing and doesn’t happen at all in my world in secondary

Comeonbabyblue · 30/06/2026 10:08

Wow.
They're going in to year 7 not turning age 7.

They leave primary school and the parent group chats should stay behind in my opinion.

Maybe it's just me? My kid left year 6. Had his leavers party and I removed myself from the group chat after the party. He has made new friends and I will give a quick hello and small talk with their parents if and when I see them but no to the phone numbers and group chats for me.

Starting high school. Let them grow up!! Let them learn to be responsible for themselves and any extra curricular things. School will tell them what they need to know. If you need to know then school will tell you.

TheOccupier · 30/06/2026 10:13

She sounds mad. Keep using the group from the May event!

OutOfApricots · 30/06/2026 10:21

When she finds out that the class doesn't stay together all day but are all split up into different classes with other kids for most of the lessons, her head is going to explode. Bless. 😁

SweepSqueaks · 30/06/2026 10:25

drunkelephant83 · 30/06/2026 09:58

I didn’t even realise parents had WhatsApp groups in secondary schools. Dip out your life will be more peaceful.

Me neither. It’s part of it that the child is organising themselves. If they don’t know what day PE is then they need to find out!

Teanbiscuits33 · 30/06/2026 10:28

God, how did we ever cope without a WhatsApp group for every damn thing? I can understand it in primary maybe but not secondary so much.

Schools should have the their own apps for communication of important information. Just leave her to it, OP. It’s a waste of energy getting worked up about something like this.

VickyEadie · 30/06/2026 10:34

Creepybookworm · 30/06/2026 06:44

Having parent WhatsApp groups in secondary is weird. The good thing about secondary is that none of this enforced mixing with other parents is usual.

This. You don't need it, stay out of it.Your child will thank you for it!

GardenCovent · 30/06/2026 10:34

This is secondary school? Why on earth do you need WhatsApp groups for secondary?

insomniacalways · 30/06/2026 10:37

WhatsApps died a happy death in Yr7! The kids communicate and school communication is better than in primary so not needed. In fact the drama comes from the kids whatsapp groups that we quickly had to ban in our house . Block and ignore