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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think the new school WhatsApp mum is overstepping?

309 replies

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 06:40

Really weird incident happened my my daughters new school so I wanted some insight and reassurance it’s not a sign of things to come:

We have a WhatsApp group set up from an event in May where all parents are already in and not much activity apart from “did everyone get their forms in” type questions and “does anyone know what clubs the school does” it’s all very casual and parents with older children already at the school have been helpful.

yesterday we found out the form classes our children are in and we met our form teacher in person. Someone in main chat suggested this is a good time to create sub groups for forms and people started posting for example if you are in 7Xyz then join the group. All very friendly and nice till this mum let’s call her Q started ranting and saying “please everyone be patient, when I get home I will sort out” others just questioned that we’re here in person now so easier to set up but her response got very annoyed and said I said be patient. No one else responded on there so I assumed everyone okay with it. I wasn’t bothered right then and thought let her crack on if she wants to take the lead.

after a few hours she created a new community and then sub communities so the new main one for whole of year 7 and then 6 for the forms. She then asked a rep for each form and gave them admin rights, herself too being an admin in EACH form class! She then made it so the community couldn’t post in the main one but had to go though the class admin each time, so I couldn’t just post in the main one I would have to go through my rep who would then post on my behalf!

she then wanted us all to prove we were who we were saying by taking a picture of the name sticker we were given at the event yesterday which has our name, child’s name and form class. I’ll be honest I binned mine and didn’t keep. I was feeling very uncomfortable with all this especially as she kept shouting people down who questioned what she was saying.

I already know 2 mums there as our kids in same primary school so I messaged them and asked what they felt about it all - they just responded vaguely snd not much bother so I thought okay most people don’t care.

Another mum spoke up who I don’t know and questioned why she’s an admin of every sub tutor group when her child is only in one to which lots of people responded saying yes why plus why we can’t post in the main group for all year 7’s. She didn’t do in the way I’m explaining it was more being really nice to her type questioning like she’s scared of her. Q still got upset and said she said she was just trying to help. But I feel it was all rather crazy and wasting everyone’s time. She’s not in my form group thank God. Is this a sign of things to come? DD is my eldest and we’ve had WhatsApp groups in primary but not to this level of craziness! I should avoid Q at all costs and pray our kids don’t become friends yes?

it all feels really bizarre to me like why do all that when it was actually quite simple to do and she made it a million times more complex. Plus why did everyone just go along with it for so long and start posting pictures of their name tags? It’s like one person who I didn’t meet or know suddenly became our leader and everyone went with it. Only when sub group reps realised how much work it will be for them to get each member plus be the go between did one speak up and then it was just really nicey nicey. I really wanted to post how crazy it was but DH stopped me and said don’t do it.

OP posts:
WithTwoGiantBoys · 02/07/2026 19:08

reluctantbrit · 02/07/2026 18:43

Then the school is not teaching the children independence when they involve the parents so much.

There were no class reps at DD's school, we had a PTA but they only organised the really large annual events like fair and Christmas concert plus some smaller sport related ones for the teams who represented the school on county level to raise funds for kit and transport costs.

For things like DoE or sport teams - yes, I agree, parental help is required and then some form of organisation helps to avoid every family doing the same thing.

Not sure what parents evening bookings have to do with kids independence? Are you not reading the bit where I said this is for parent tasks/organisation?

Ds currently travelling around Europe on his own so I reckon he's done alright.

Oh and it's great for ticket swaps to school events.

WithTwoGiantBoys · 02/07/2026 19:09

BoredZelda · 02/07/2026 16:57

Don’t you get 8 million emails a day with all this information?

No.

Kerry242 · 03/07/2026 11:24

I'd be interested to know whether the people with whatsapp groups in secondary schools have children in private schools?

I think generally parental involvement with school community is an expectation at private schools and if all the parents are doing it - then no child is 'mortified' that their Mum/Dad is on the group because everyone's Mum/Dad is. It's just their norm.

WithTwoGiantBoys · 03/07/2026 12:02

Kerry242 · 03/07/2026 11:24

I'd be interested to know whether the people with whatsapp groups in secondary schools have children in private schools?

I think generally parental involvement with school community is an expectation at private schools and if all the parents are doing it - then no child is 'mortified' that their Mum/Dad is on the group because everyone's Mum/Dad is. It's just their norm.

Nope

Kerry242 · 03/07/2026 15:02

WithTwoGiantBoys · 03/07/2026 12:02

Nope

Did you tag by accident? 'Nope' makes little sense in relation to my post.

WithTwoGiantBoys · 03/07/2026 15:11

Kerry242 · 03/07/2026 15:02

Did you tag by accident? 'Nope' makes little sense in relation to my post.

You asked if people in WhatsApp groups are at private schools.

We are not, hence nope. Just at a school that encourages a community feeling which is nice, and seems to go against the apparent Mumsnet norm of wanting nothing to do with your children's secondary education...

Magmum75 · 03/07/2026 15:18

State school here too, WhatsApp is our community, there's no PTA, I know only a very few of these parents IRL

Confusional · 03/07/2026 20:01

I saw the transition to year 7 as my opportunity to step the hell away from schools WhatsApp’s, pta and general school admin. I thought that was pretty universal

Radicalrach · 06/07/2026 21:15

WithTwoGiantBoys · 02/07/2026 15:35

The students don't book parents evening, to pick a random example so the remindes.fornthatvwere great. And at my school they ask the parents for the money for mufti day donations, not the students. And students aren't allowed phones out during the day so if a parent sees the trains home have all been cancelled and puts it on the group that means plans can be made to lift share etc rather than waiting until the kids have walked to the station and found there are no trains and start phoning home at 3.50pm.

Particularly useful for things like a coach being late back from a trip to save a whole bunch of parents uselessly sitting in their cars at the previous pick up time (pour school tends to let reps know this so they can share it).

Also, school didn't organise transport for gold DofE and we organised a coach to and from Scotland on there as the expected arrival time was earlier than they could have got there independently on the train and 50 parents driving to Scotland and back is stupid.

It has been very useful.

Most of these 200 parents will have muted the chat by year 10/11. It will be a hardcore group who still post frequently about lost kit, school rules etc. The rest will either not read or ignore. Guaranteed

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