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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think the new school WhatsApp mum is overstepping?

309 replies

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 06:40

Really weird incident happened my my daughters new school so I wanted some insight and reassurance it’s not a sign of things to come:

We have a WhatsApp group set up from an event in May where all parents are already in and not much activity apart from “did everyone get their forms in” type questions and “does anyone know what clubs the school does” it’s all very casual and parents with older children already at the school have been helpful.

yesterday we found out the form classes our children are in and we met our form teacher in person. Someone in main chat suggested this is a good time to create sub groups for forms and people started posting for example if you are in 7Xyz then join the group. All very friendly and nice till this mum let’s call her Q started ranting and saying “please everyone be patient, when I get home I will sort out” others just questioned that we’re here in person now so easier to set up but her response got very annoyed and said I said be patient. No one else responded on there so I assumed everyone okay with it. I wasn’t bothered right then and thought let her crack on if she wants to take the lead.

after a few hours she created a new community and then sub communities so the new main one for whole of year 7 and then 6 for the forms. She then asked a rep for each form and gave them admin rights, herself too being an admin in EACH form class! She then made it so the community couldn’t post in the main one but had to go though the class admin each time, so I couldn’t just post in the main one I would have to go through my rep who would then post on my behalf!

she then wanted us all to prove we were who we were saying by taking a picture of the name sticker we were given at the event yesterday which has our name, child’s name and form class. I’ll be honest I binned mine and didn’t keep. I was feeling very uncomfortable with all this especially as she kept shouting people down who questioned what she was saying.

I already know 2 mums there as our kids in same primary school so I messaged them and asked what they felt about it all - they just responded vaguely snd not much bother so I thought okay most people don’t care.

Another mum spoke up who I don’t know and questioned why she’s an admin of every sub tutor group when her child is only in one to which lots of people responded saying yes why plus why we can’t post in the main group for all year 7’s. She didn’t do in the way I’m explaining it was more being really nice to her type questioning like she’s scared of her. Q still got upset and said she said she was just trying to help. But I feel it was all rather crazy and wasting everyone’s time. She’s not in my form group thank God. Is this a sign of things to come? DD is my eldest and we’ve had WhatsApp groups in primary but not to this level of craziness! I should avoid Q at all costs and pray our kids don’t become friends yes?

it all feels really bizarre to me like why do all that when it was actually quite simple to do and she made it a million times more complex. Plus why did everyone just go along with it for so long and start posting pictures of their name tags? It’s like one person who I didn’t meet or know suddenly became our leader and everyone went with it. Only when sub group reps realised how much work it will be for them to get each member plus be the go between did one speak up and then it was just really nicey nicey. I really wanted to post how crazy it was but DH stopped me and said don’t do it.

OP posts:
Ohwhatabeautifulpudding · 30/06/2026 07:58

I would put the whole thing on "mute" and communicate only with the mums you know and like, or leave the WhatsApp group altogether.

It's possible this woman is just trying to help everyone out. It doesn't need to turn into a pissing contest and going behind her back to ask others what they think of it is a bit nasty. Stop that.

reluctantbrit · 30/06/2026 07:58

Secondary? Just ignore/archive/mute and carry one.

I think I knew 2 of DD's classmates parents - because they went to the same primary school. I met later 2 others and had the phone number for one due to a birthday trip to a theme park so we could get hold of someone else in case of an emergency.

Otherwise I managed to survive the 7 years until A-levels with DD sorting her life out herself.

Most stuff from school will come to your child's school email. We had an intranet where we had access to with a parental log-in or you may get an email directly with any necessary form required. We had bi-weekly newsletters with upcoming events I added to a calendar.
That was all we ever had to organise. If I wasn't sure about something I asked DD to figure it out/check with her classmates.

PepsiBook · 30/06/2026 08:05

Why the need for a WhatsApp group for secondary age kids?

RedToothBrush · 30/06/2026 08:09

We have one of these. She's currently having a meltdown because her child has only been put in a class with one other kid from our school that she knows about. So either all the other parents are deliberately and quietly withholding information or her child isn't with any other from our school.

Given that at least two parents explicitly asked for their child not to be put with hers because she's the problem (as in the mother not so much the kid), I'm not surprised by either possibility. It just means she can't set up a WhatsApp group for her child's class which I have no doubt she would be doing.

BlueMum16 · 30/06/2026 08:11

Stopandlook · 30/06/2026 06:46

Vote with your feet. You don’t need this crap in secondary school fortunately- the kids work things out themselves.

Exactly.

MyDeftDuck · 30/06/2026 08:11

FFS…….she sounds like an overbearing control freak! Sorry, I could NOT be involved with such madness!

WhatAMarvelousTune · 30/06/2026 08:14

Year 7? I thought you were going to say reception! Just leave.

herbalteabag · 30/06/2026 08:17

eurochick · 30/06/2026 07:55

I’m surprised at the number of people saying they don’t use WhatsApp groups at secondary. Ours is very active! Recently we have had questions on timings for prize giving, dress code for a school trip, details for an event parents can attend in school time, progress towards school of team buses after matches (some parents use trackers) and lunch card credit.

But Queen B sounds controlling and a bit crazy. That level of admin and control is not required.

I just have always called the office if I had a question - never felt the need for anything else.

YourKonstantine · 30/06/2026 08:21

Our y7 group (Facebook) had nothing in it other than X lost their PE kit is anyone sees it for about a year so I left it as it was a waste of time and refuse to go back.

youngest started this year, never joined it in the first place.

do yourself a favour and leave. Kids organise their own stuff v.quickly at secondary and the school communicates with you directly anyway.

BellaVita · 30/06/2026 08:23

Creepybookworm · 30/06/2026 06:44

Having parent WhatsApp groups in secondary is weird. The good thing about secondary is that none of this enforced mixing with other parents is usual.

I thought the same

Whatafustercluck · 30/06/2026 08:27

Social media groups stopped when our eldest reached secondary. Until then we'd had Faceache for all the 'has anyone gone home with the wrong jumper' type posts. I've messaged ds's friends' parents directly on the odd occasion in the lower years, but don't believe in micromanaging teenagers' lives. They'll be adults soon enough.

Leave the group. Or set one up without her and stop posting via her if it's something you'll all find useful.

nevernotneverland · 30/06/2026 08:31

My son is in year 8 going into year 9 I have never had a WhatsApp group for secondary school, primary yes but not Secondary, it's really not needed.

Shelby2010 · 30/06/2026 08:34

There’s no point having separate class groups because the kids won’t stay in those groups for lessons (in my experience).

We have a WhatsApp group which is useful for reminders of up coming trips & inset days.

My top tip is that your child will be expected to manage much more of the ‘needing ingredients for cooking’ type stuff themselves. I found that installing their Google Classroom & school email on my phone too has been invaluable in helping them become more independent but me not being surprised by requirements for ingredients at 9pm on a Sunday night.

As far as the WhatsApp goes, just keep the original one open & use that. I think the bossy mum was just trying to be helpful but that level of organisation isn’t needed.

Comeinsideforacupoftea · 30/06/2026 08:34

My dd is in Y3 and I'm already counting the days until I can allow her to just have friends over off her own back and I don't have to negotiate the silly primary school cliques and controlling (or sometimes just plain psycho) parents. There's no way I'll be faffing around pandering to dogooder PTA/school govenor types by the time they're in highschool. They're almost teenagers! Leave them be!

Shinyandnew1 · 30/06/2026 08:39

We had a Facebook group set up for the year which was quite useful (called parents of 2025 Y7 or whatever and changed name each year-it posted the odd thing about equipment/uniform, classes, trips, etc and as the years went on was more about, ‘how do we feel that there don’t seem to be any permanent maths or science teachers at the school any more?!’

If I was you, I’d set up a FB group and post the link on the generic WhatsApp group. Say, ‘if anyone prefers to use this group, please feel free-I’m not sure we need separate class groups at secondary’.

CypressGrove · 30/06/2026 08:41

Surely one of the benefits of kids reaching secondary school is no more parent's WhatsApp groups!!

GreenSedan · 30/06/2026 08:44

Is this for high school? What on earth do you need class groups for in high school?

TakeThatAndParty81 · 30/06/2026 08:45

Our main year group one gets used but the class group is not used at all in fact we are in year 9 now and I don’t think it’s had a post since the early days of year 7!

SALaw · 30/06/2026 08:47

I’ve managed to navigate my kids through school to almost the end of high school now without there being any class or year WhatsApp groups. These aren’t needed and someone messaging to say “did everyone get the form in?” and then 30 replies of “what form?” “Yes” “not yet” and “what do you say to question 5?” sounds utterly tedious. Opt out!

34GH111 · 30/06/2026 08:49

Silly people get away with this silliness when people enable them.

Just leave the groups.

I have never been in one for any school and you don't need to be in one for secondary schools

Rituelec · 30/06/2026 08:50

I'd just leave it. You don't need them in year 7. She is a control freak

MandemChickenShop · 30/06/2026 08:50

just leave the group. load of rubbish. just ensure your child gets to school each day. everything else is unimportant

SALaw · 30/06/2026 08:53

eurochick · 30/06/2026 07:55

I’m surprised at the number of people saying they don’t use WhatsApp groups at secondary. Ours is very active! Recently we have had questions on timings for prize giving, dress code for a school trip, details for an event parents can attend in school time, progress towards school of team buses after matches (some parents use trackers) and lunch card credit.

But Queen B sounds controlling and a bit crazy. That level of admin and control is not required.

That sounds horrendous. Phone pinging with questions they presumably can work out for themselves or find the information elsewhere (given they think other parents know the answer) and just tonnes of people replying “ok” “thanks” “no problem” etc to a group with 150 members or whatever.

Geneticsbunny · 30/06/2026 08:58

Run. Y7 whatsapp groups are way more stress than they are helpful. Just leave.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 30/06/2026 09:04

I was in a secondary school WhatsApp group for a while. It was just the mums from the primary school and it did my head in! Couldn’t take the constant inane questions.

I left that group along with two other mums of DD’s friends and were very happy with the set up. We ask each other if we ever need to but it doesn’t happen often.