AIBU to think the new school WhatsApp mum is overstepping?

[Susan716]

Really weird incident happened my my daughters new school so I wanted some insight and reassurance it’s not a sign of things to come:

We have a WhatsApp group set up from an event in May where all parents are already in and not much activity apart from “did everyone get their forms in” type questions and “does anyone know what clubs the school does” it’s all very casual and parents with older children already at the school have been helpful.

yesterday we found out the form classes our children are in and we met our form teacher in person. Someone in main chat suggested this is a good time to create sub groups for forms and people started posting for example if you are in 7Xyz then join the group. All very friendly and nice till this mum let’s call her Q started ranting and saying “please everyone be patient, when I get home I will sort out” others just questioned that we’re here in person now so easier to set up but her response got very annoyed and said I said be patient. No one else responded on there so I assumed everyone okay with it. I wasn’t bothered right then and thought let her crack on if she wants to take the lead.

after a few hours she created a new community and then sub communities so the new main one for whole of year 7 and then 6 for the forms. She then asked a rep for each form and gave them admin rights, herself too being an admin in EACH form class! She then made it so the community couldn’t post in the main one but had to go though the class admin each time, so I couldn’t just post in the main one I would have to go through my rep who would then post on my behalf!

she then wanted us all to prove we were who we were saying by taking a picture of the name sticker we were given at the event yesterday which has our name, child’s name and form class. I’ll be honest I binned mine and didn’t keep. I was feeling very uncomfortable with all this especially as she kept shouting people down who questioned what she was saying.

I already know 2 mums there as our kids in same primary school so I messaged them and asked what they felt about it all - they just responded vaguely snd not much bother so I thought okay most people don’t care.

Another mum spoke up who I don’t know and questioned why she’s an admin of every sub tutor group when her child is only in one to which lots of people responded saying yes why plus why we can’t post in the main group for all year 7’s. She didn’t do in the way I’m explaining it was more being really nice to her type questioning like she’s scared of her. Q still got upset and said she said she was just trying to help. But I feel it was all rather crazy and wasting everyone’s time. She’s not in my form group thank God. Is this a sign of things to come? DD is my eldest and we’ve had WhatsApp groups in primary but not to this level of craziness! I should avoid Q at all costs and pray our kids don’t become friends yes?

it all feels really bizarre to me like why do all that when it was actually quite simple to do and she made it a million times more complex. Plus why did everyone just go along with it for so long and start posting pictures of their name tags? It’s like one person who I didn’t meet or know suddenly became our leader and everyone went with it. Only when sub group reps realised how much work it will be for them to get each member plus be the go between did one speak up and then it was just really nicey nicey. I really wanted to post how crazy it was but DH stopped me and said don’t do it.

Its crazy! You don’t need formal WhatsApp’s with strangers for 11 plus age groups. The whole point is they learn to take responsibility for themselves not have mummy running around doing admin for them. Cut those apron strings!

Sounds bonkers.

I am glad mine went through school before class WhatsApp became a thing!

As everyone has said you absolutely do not need this in secondary. I'd either leave now or just wait til it fizzles out

I can't see the need for any Whatsapp groups in Year 7. Parents don't communicate in secondary like that and there isn't a reason to, I would just leave the group.

I've had 4 kids in HighSchool and managed without joining anything like this.

Just leave the groups. If you ever have questions just message a few school people individually.

This - my kids have just left secondary at a small school that went from age 3-18. We stopped any class specific emails when they moved to senior school. There was a PTA but they simply emailed ‘whole school’. If there was admin, the school contacted you (a lot). No need to be engaging with other parents at this stage. I know noone in state or primary secondary who bothered with any of this. It just adds another layer of comms and aggravation. Just ‘leave’ group and retain contact details for the parents you want to.

She sounds unhinged but this is all not needed at secondary. The kids form their own whatsapps and sort themselves out

i’m not aware of any at all at our 2,000 kid school though there is one very large parents Facebook group which I try and avoid as it’s only really there to bash teachers

This sounds insane. I would set up another group.
My son starts secondary this year. An initial new starters group was set up, but then one mum said she was going to start a new one for those in one house group and that maybe others would want to do that too.
The main group still exists and to my knowledge no one has started a sub group for my son's house.
This is the normal way to go about it in my view!

Class WhatsApp groups are not necessary in secondary school. Most year groups are far too big for it to work and if you read the school comms properly you really don't need them for info either. We had one very briefly, which quickly disintegrated when the only people who posted were those who couldn't be arsed to read and retain information, or those who wanted to moan about the school. No thank you!

A parents WhatsApp for secondary is unhinged anyway.

We have a Facebook group and it probably gets used about once a week for something. Parents tend to back away and leave their kids to it

You definitely don’t need that in secondary school.
Foll the schools social media and they will email loads anyway !

Looooog post
who cares what the woman does ?

All you need is a couple if mates in same year you can text to check stuff with

you need to make your kids reliable and independent

We have a similar WhatsApp setup at my son’s secondary - a whole year group then one per form, in his year anyway. They are pretty quiet really but can be very useful. The PTA tried to move to a different app for communicating but most people just prefer WhatsApp. The mum you mentioned sounds a bit unhinged, but maybe she’s an official class PTA rep?
I think it’s sad that the majority of posters say there’s no need at secondary school and that they don’t know any other parents. Secondary schools need communities too.

set up one with your own group of friends - you can set the other one to no notifications but check what is happening from time to time

The only reason the WhatsApp group for my DS2 is still going while they are at high school is because one of the mums is married to the bus driver that does the route and updates it in winter with delays (we get a fair amount of snow).

There have been other parents added periodically whose children are in other years.

i think even this one would have y away if it wasn’t for major roadworks that made the school bus a nightmare for timings for a year, and then a new HT that caused a lot of issues. It’s generally really not necessary in secondary

Just set one up for your own class and let her crack on with everyone else's.

Just leave and tell others complaining to do the same thing! I’ve had 2 children go through the school journey and all messages came through via emails. As soon as you get events/deadlines via the email, pop it onto your calendar. Any clarification is done by email or calling reception. There is no need for what’s app groups, nor ask other parents who may be equally clueless.

Her head will explode when she finds out that kids from other schools are in the forms too!

She's a crazy communal narcissist who needs to feel a sense of importance but trapped in a life of kids and chores so the only way is to do so at school. She inserts herself into everything to gain a sense of importance which she probably can never get from a career achievements. Instead of being paid to manage other adults in a work environment, she uses other parents as captive participants for narcissistic supply

There is always THAT ONE mum at school who behaves like this. Unfortunately you can't escape because of the children's friendships, mutual friends, birthday parties etc. Don't escalate the issue though because narcs can flip on you when they feel they're being called out. In her own fantasy world, she's is delighted at masterfully "manipulating" people but has no idea that her motivations are so transparent and cringy.

This.

We had a mum like this when ours went to secondary. She set up a year Facebook group then policed it so much. Plus she was insanely controlling and managed to hack into the parent app ahead of when we were given our actual log ins so she could start stressing everyone. She spent ages trying to get a map of the school then posting about how far the children were expected to walk each day between lessons.

She even used to request that we ask out children to play some game with her daughter on PC in the evenings so she had friends!

You just don't need any of that at secondary. The kids sort themselves out and anything else comes in newsletter's or parent app.

We just have a group that was originally started for anyone's parents who were interested in DS's primary school class, and carried through to Secondary (same people). My partner changes it's name every year. Anyone can post at anytime. Still used as reminders for things in Year 10 currently but nir loads. No drama.

Why do you even need a Whatsapp group? When my kids were at school whatsapp hadn’t been invented (mobile phones were yet to emerge) and we managed fine by talking to each other. It’s ridiculous.

Why do you even need a Whatsapp group? When my kids were at school whatsapp hadn’t been invented (mobile phones were yet to emerge) and we managed fine by talking to each other. It’s ridiculous.

I’m surprised at the number of people saying they don’t use WhatsApp groups at secondary. Ours is very active! Recently we have had questions on timings for prize giving, dress code for a school trip, details for an event parents can attend in school time, progress towards school of team buses after matches (some parents use trackers) and lunch card credit.

But Queen B sounds controlling and a bit crazy. That level of admin and control is not required.

Never been in a secondary WhatsApp. No wish to interact with potentially crazy strangers. Your child is not 4 they should be working the logistics out themselves. It’s part of their development. Honestly parents need to back off.