Is this my fault

[Difficultadultkids]

My daughter’s past few bf’s haven’t treated her well. She now has a lovely new bf and I couldn’t be happier for her.

We’ve always sent each other pics of what we’re up to (just a thing we do) and I love to see their selfies of them having fun and just being happy together. He lives a fair distance away so she goes to his for some weekends.

About a month ago I commented how alike they looked. She replied saying it was a really weird thing to say. I’d totally forgotten I’d made this comment, and said two weeks ago “You do look alike.” This was not done on purpose. However, as a result she has told me I am not allowed to receive pics of them together due to me being weird. They’ve since been to a wedding and I’d spent ages helping her choose a dress and really looked forward to seeing the lovely pics but was only allowed to see the back of her and front of him.

i get most of you will not understand how upsetting this is. The last few years of my life have been absolutely awful and this little sprinkle of happiness has really lifted me, but obviously it was too much to ask.

For context I have never once asked for pics.

Have you said sorry for upsetting her? She’s over reacting but it was a weird thing to say

The last few years of my life have been absolutely awful and this little sprinkle of happiness has really lifted me, The last few years of my life have been absolutely awful and this little sprinkle of happiness has really lifted me, but obviously it was too much to ask.

but obviously it was too much to ask is a very clear example of the bigger picture that you are missing out of your account.

To be fair it was a weird thing to say and I’m not surprised she’s reacted! No one wants to hear that they’re shagging the male version of themselves.

It is a really weird thing to say. Especially saying it again after you knew you upset her the first time.

What reaction did you want from telling her she looks like her boyfriend?

Yeah. It’s an odd thing to say OP. I think you need to apologise and back off a bit.

Not a weird thing to say. Have some science to back you up;

www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-modern-heart/202112/9-reasons-why-many-couples-look-alike/amp

What a bizarre thing to say! It’s like you’re implying they’re related.

Your passive aggressive little dig at the end about it being too much to ask says a lot.

Why did you feel the need to say it in the first place, let alone twice?

She's made it clear it makes her uncomfortable and you've ignored that.

"obviously it was too much to ask" - what was? If the only thing giving you any joy in life is seeing photos of your daughter and her partner together, maybe you need to find something else to enjoy.

It’s still weird to say it to the couple themselves (even if it’s true), especially a second time when she’d been asked not to say it after the first time.

Good point - have you apologised?

It may not be weird to think it, but it is weird to say it, especially twice after being told its weird the first time.

Your daughter is being really weird, reacting like this. What is your relationship with her like generally?

Because if my daughter ever issued some weird edict like this, about what photos I could see and couldn't, I'd ask her what the fuck was going on with her. Just as she would ask me, if I started being similarly weird.

But I am assuming you don't have a straightforward relationship in which you can interact honestly about weird behaviour?

It's not weird. Sometimes we just notice things and say them and then realise they haven't landed correctly. All these perfect people on Mumsnet who have never put a foot wrong in a conversation with their kids! I think she's overreacting but I would definitely apologise to smooth things over and say you'd love to have another chance to see some photos because you really miss that.

I think that has been misinterpreted. I mean too much to ask because of anything remotely nice comes along something always spoils it.

As said, things have been shit so good news is nice

I agree it’s a strange thing to say. You could’ve said they have similar hair or something rather than basically they look the same like twins or whatever.
You sound quite emotionally dependent on your daughter. I think give her more space and show her you don’t need to lean on her for your happiness. It’s a huge burden for a child when a parent makes it clear that the child is responsible for their happiness! Obviously as parents we know how much joy there is in seeing them grown up etc. But to look forward to small things so much makes me think you lean on her. Xx

Nobody is claiming to be perfect, but OPs daughter told her it was weird the first time she said it, so she knew it hadn’t landed correctly.

Not weird to say as you thought you had a closer relationship than you did. Maybe she is just looking for some “space/asserting boundaries “ but is not emotionally mature enough to say it. Just apologise for upsetting her and back off a bit, photos everyday/chat every day with mum is not the healthiest. Do you have s partner/other children. I do wonder if the attention/focus on her/her relationships have been too much ? Btw it is hard being a mum, sometimes they don’t realise how much you care & miss them.

Ok, so she said it once, it didn’t land correctly, her daughter said she didn’t appreciate it…
And then she said it again.

As my post says, I totally forgot I’d said it. Have you never forgotten something?

Of course, but you still upset her by saying it again, and that’s how she feels 🤷‍♀️ did you apologise?

It clearly says in my post I’d forgotten I’d even said it

What ruined it? Your weird comment or your DD’s reaction to your weird comment?

Is he really ugly or something so that she feels insulted if you say they look alike? Because obviously they’re not actually related so I don’t understand why someone would get upset if someone else said they looked like their partner.

Yes I apologised!

im still apologising for beeping my car horn last week when I arrived home in 35 degree heat to find the gates locked and I could not get in. She does not answer her phone so I beeped once. Apparently this was unreasonable

You put your foot in it OP, twice. Ok you forgot and said it again but why would you even say it in the first place! How did you think she'd react to that. You need to apologise.