Is this my fault

[Difficultadultkids]

My daughter’s past few bf’s haven’t treated her well. She now has a lovely new bf and I couldn’t be happier for her.

We’ve always sent each other pics of what we’re up to (just a thing we do) and I love to see their selfies of them having fun and just being happy together. He lives a fair distance away so she goes to his for some weekends.

About a month ago I commented how alike they looked. She replied saying it was a really weird thing to say. I’d totally forgotten I’d made this comment, and said two weeks ago “You do look alike.” This was not done on purpose. However, as a result she has told me I am not allowed to receive pics of them together due to me being weird. They’ve since been to a wedding and I’d spent ages helping her choose a dress and really looked forward to seeing the lovely pics but was only allowed to see the back of her and front of him.

i get most of you will not understand how upsetting this is. The last few years of my life have been absolutely awful and this little sprinkle of happiness has really lifted me, but obviously it was too much to ask.

For context I have never once asked for pics.

It sounds like an over reaction from her unless there’s a huge back story. I know several couples that look similar.

It's not a weird thing to say. WTF is wrong with people? People tell DD1 she and her boyfriend look alike all the time and they find it funny not weird.

Are you as rude to your daughter as you’re coming across on here?

Please respect your dd's boundaries, she doesn't owe you photos, step back.

Weird thing to say btw, blurting out lots?

It says in my post why my colleague found it horrible.

Many moons ago when I studied psychology I learnt that couples that stay together tend to have similar features. I think she’s over reacting but equally it’s a bit odd to be requesting photos.

It wasn’t a ‘weird’ thing to say though.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-modern-heart/202112/9-reasons-why-many-couples-look-alike/amp

She’s totally overreacting. It’s not a big deal at all, loads of couples look alike, it’s a common phenomenon. She’s 20, shes taken it weirdly and probably got in her head as a funny niggle. Apologise and move on. She may not send the pics again still but there’s nothing you can do, perhaps she’ll move past it with a little time.

It's definitely not as bad as those pictures you see of people who look like their dogs! 😂

No it doesn't. Your post suggests that you think that saying "these people look alike" is effectively the same as saying "you are in an incestuous relationship". You didn't say anything about why your colleague was offended. For all we know she was offended because he's a big beardy bald guy and she's a barbie. or maybe she's just incredibly over sensitive.

...it’s a common phenomenon.

Yes, it is. I'm surprised so many people don't know about it.

Here's another article about it:
time.com/5553817/couples-who-look-alike/

Loads of couples look alike. It’s a thing. Dd is being weird, total overreaction.

So you dismissed how she felt the first time you said it by completely forgetting you'd said it? Yeah, I'd be pissed off at you too and the 'its too much to ask' boo fucking hoo nonsense would piss me off too.

This.
You sound passive aggressive with your little comments here and enmeshed with your daughter. It’s really not healthy to be so emotionally dependent on her.
Good on her setting some boundaries with you - I wonder if she refuses to answer her phone because she knows you’d constantly be calling otherwise.

Young people can over think. Do not stress. You have apologised.

@Difficultadultkids I don’t know why you’re getting such a hard time here, anyone would think you murdered someone! You’re berating yourself far too much so stop it now! We all say stupid things sometimes or put our foot in it so it’s hardly the end of the world. You both need to move on from this and try to get back to some sort of normality. Tbh your daughter sounds difficult and doesn’t forgive easily, has she always been a grudge holder? You’re her Mum ffs, she should have more respect for you as I’m sure you’ve been there for her each time her previous relationships ended. She may have other issues going on and is deflecting about this comment. It’s probably not really about that, it’s something else. For 20 years old she sounds very immature. Stop apologising about the horn beeping and just do your own thing for now. She knows where you are if she wants to clear the air and start acting like an adult.

Also, as an aside I’ve often heard people comment about how many couples look alike, it means they’re well matched as they subconsciously look for similar features without realising it. It’s not weird or strange. There has been a lot of research done on this over the years.

I bet it’s the latest in a long line of “innocent little comments” from her if the passive aggressiveness here is anything to go by…

She sounds extremely difficult.

But she’s enjoying punishing you and you need to not give her the satisfaction of showing that you care.

Once she knows that this isn’t hurting you, she’ll forget about it and start sending them again.

Does she live in your home?
You need to start putting your foot find more and stop walking on egg shells.

Is she an only child?

You’re her Mum ffs, she should have more respect for you as I’m sure you’ve been there for her each time her previous relationships ended.

Mmm, ever heard of shit Mother's? Plenty of people have them. Why would anyone respect their Mother if she was a shit one? How do you know the OP is a good one?

Agree but people don’t usually say this out loud. I’ve thought it about many couples over the years including celebrities. People do tend to go for someone who either looks like them or a parent. Very Freudian.

My friend’s mum told me that my husband and I look the same and it made me feel really weird. She did also say she (not white or British) thinks ‘we all look the same’ so I’ve tried to remember that part and chalk it up to her just being a bit odd but it still feels like a weird and rude thing to have said.
so I’m not surprised it bothered your daughter tbh especially when she told you it upset her th e first time and you felt the need to comment on it again

This.

What you thought wasn't weird. People often attract others with similar looks.

saying it was a little misjudged, saying it twice was definitely thoughtless.

However, her massive over reaction is ridiculous.

she needs to grow up.

I'm sorry you've had a rough few years & now your DD is behaving like a 12 yo. I'd withdraw a bit & let her come to you when she realises your life doesn't have to revolve around her anymore & behaving like a 12 yo isn't the way to go.

Agree!!

@Difficultadultkids I’ve always thought my Hs best friend and his wife look alike. They could be mistaken for brother and sister. Although I’ve said this to my H (who didn’t actually disagree), I would never in a million years say that to the couple who clearly think they do not.

Oh I absolutely know it’s a thing, and know some couples it applies to. I still think it’s a weird thing to say to someone. And then to forget you’ve said it and upset them the first time, to say it again.