Is this my fault

[Difficultadultkids]

My daughter’s past few bf’s haven’t treated her well. She now has a lovely new bf and I couldn’t be happier for her.

We’ve always sent each other pics of what we’re up to (just a thing we do) and I love to see their selfies of them having fun and just being happy together. He lives a fair distance away so she goes to his for some weekends.

About a month ago I commented how alike they looked. She replied saying it was a really weird thing to say. I’d totally forgotten I’d made this comment, and said two weeks ago “You do look alike.” This was not done on purpose. However, as a result she has told me I am not allowed to receive pics of them together due to me being weird. They’ve since been to a wedding and I’d spent ages helping her choose a dress and really looked forward to seeing the lovely pics but was only allowed to see the back of her and front of him.

i get most of you will not understand how upsetting this is. The last few years of my life have been absolutely awful and this little sprinkle of happiness has really lifted me, but obviously it was too much to ask.

For context I have never once asked for pics.

Oh dear! You don’t get sarcasm at all do you? 😂😂

I am completely obsessed with “same-face” couples. My husband and I could barely look more different! I find it fascinating people can be attracted to someone who looks like a sibling. BUT I wouldn’t say it to their faces!! Have some tact OP! You need to apologise and stop saying it.

That's such a weird thing to say tbh

But you don't say it again when that person has told you it upset them... unless you're a bully or a tone deaf idiot.

It's a really weird thing to comment on... you've basically told your daughter that's she got an incest thing going on!

I dunno, I don't look anything like my siblings but I think I would fancy a male version of me 😂

And you don’t get when it’s good to keep your beak shut!

Can I live in your nice gated house and use your pool instead of your rude child please? I'm super resilient, love honking, always answer my phone and don't look anything like my DH.

Seriously read my post fgs! It clearly says I forgot because it was said over message and it was NEVER DISCUSSED ONCE!

Please do look up the definition of incest before you comment on things you don’t understand.

It doesn’t sound like you like your daughter much. Why are you so keen to see photos of her?

I think her reaction was a bit OTT too. I thought it was a well known 'joke' that couples tend to end up looking/dressing like each other long-term. Same as people matching their dog etc. I can see why she'd be annoyed but refusing to send any more photos is just petty.

I'm not sure why you felt you had to explain that sending photos to family members was "(just a thing we do)" as if it's not something very common to most people, though!

Well known? Is it? Never heard of that and it is a tad creepy

The OP describes him as a ‘new boyfriend’. This isn’t a couple who have been together for 30 years and have matching cagoules.

I know what incest means. You are a bit contradictory... You say you're walking on eggshells around your daughter, but forget that she shut down your comment.

Incest because basically you've told her she's seeing a member of her family or someone who could.... actually it could be narcissism you're accusing her of, wanting to out with herself....

😂

Thanks for this. I thought I'd come across this idea before.

OP please just try and move on.

I think your daughters reaction was over the top. But clearly she was upset and I would say about half of the people here have said it was a weird thing to say. It is (I think) weird, in not a helpful thing to say.

Whether you or the other 50% of folks agree ir not, your dd feels that way.

She sounds like hard woirk but I have experienced hard work with my kids too.

It sounds very hard, you have had a very difficult time of it, and so has your daughter (difficult relationships) so please just try and move forward finding things that bring you joy.

All the best. Xx

@Difficultadultkids you screwed up. Just own it! Go and grovel to your DD and never refer to them as siblings again. Problem solved!

Are you serious? People have explained it over and over. It implies they are related, brother and sister. That’s an awful concept to imply. Who says that to anyone let alone your daughter, then twice!

You’re not listening though so, crack on.

I don’t think it’s a weird thing to say, it’s just an observation. But having a DD a similar age I do know that she proclaims every other thing I do or say to be “weird”, or I get “Urgh, don’t ever say that again!” 🤷🏻‍♀️

I do understand the walking on eggshells OP!

Oop someone is embarrassed and lashing out.

Don’t deflect, let’s savour the moment. You were so fixated on getting your spiteful “gotcha” moment that you made yourself look like a dullard who can’t spot blatant sarcasm 🤣 let’s bask in this moment.

I thought it was a well-known phenomenon, many couples look similar. I'd say pretty normal to point it out if perhaps thoughtless given your daughter's sensitivity.

She's your young person - why do you think she's so touchy and quick to anger over inconsequential things?

@Wingwalk Love this!! Yes you absolutely can! Soon to be a room free 😂
I think the responses on here explain why there are so many entitled kids in the world. I have been letting her get away with far too much.

So, I have just spoken to her and told her that she will have to rearrange her plans for her bf coming (they had three days planned) Friday til Sunday next weekend. I said that if I couldn’t see them together in pics then it would be way worse in person and I didn’t want to upset her anymore than I have. Therefore it’s best he doesn’t come. She wanted to know what she’s going to say to him. I told her to say that looking like him has really repulsed her.

This. The previous judgy comments are really harsh IMO.

Is it really so hard to see why she's upset by the comment? I think she is probably overreacting but let's face it no woman likes to be told she looks like a man and no man wants to resemble a woman. End of.