Is this my fault

[Difficultadultkids]

My daughter’s past few bf’s haven’t treated her well. She now has a lovely new bf and I couldn’t be happier for her.

We’ve always sent each other pics of what we’re up to (just a thing we do) and I love to see their selfies of them having fun and just being happy together. He lives a fair distance away so she goes to his for some weekends.

About a month ago I commented how alike they looked. She replied saying it was a really weird thing to say. I’d totally forgotten I’d made this comment, and said two weeks ago “You do look alike.” This was not done on purpose. However, as a result she has told me I am not allowed to receive pics of them together due to me being weird. They’ve since been to a wedding and I’d spent ages helping her choose a dress and really looked forward to seeing the lovely pics but was only allowed to see the back of her and front of him.

i get most of you will not understand how upsetting this is. The last few years of my life have been absolutely awful and this little sprinkle of happiness has really lifted me, but obviously it was too much to ask.

For context I have never once asked for pics.

I have never heard of that outside of this thread. It’s quite a creepy concept though.

It sounds like the opposite of the more believable adage that if you don’t like something about someone, it’s because you recognise something in them that you dislike about yourself.

But then I don’t believe there is such thing as a soulmate.

I’m 50 and I have heard this since I was a teenager so like I say maybe it’s an old wives tale but it’s always stuck in the back of my mind. I’m not sure I believe in soulmates either as I’ve never come across one but it’s sort of nice to believe in it. I only read the first 2 comments of the thread but I’m guessing from your comment that others on this post have said the same as me. Glad I remembered it correctly and my brain fog isn’t playing tricks on me again!

I’m the same age as you - maybe it is regional.

It’s a grim thought though and not something you want to have pointed out to you in your 20s I imagine!

Sh yes maybe regional, I’m down on the south coast but grew up in the southwest. Honestly I didn’t think too much about it, started looking at boys to see if we looked alike at the time hoping to find my SM but it didn’t happen and like most teenagers I pretty much forgot about it 🤷🏻‍♀️

its a scientific thing. Several people posted the link.

Good on her for having boundaries and taking control of the situation.

You insulted her once, she moved on, you 'forgot' you did it, and did it again with the exact same comment - she's basically said, 'nah not giving you a third attempt'

But you are acting like she is being petty?

How odd.

Did you need to say it though? Don’t you get that some people will find it creepy?

Are you as stupid in real life as you come across on here?

Are you as rude in real life as you are on here? You have been horrible to people . If so I get why your DD acts like she does.

Why is it ok for posters to say whatever the hell they like but if an OP says, nope not tolerating this, it's not ok?

If you wanted people to only agree with you, then you should have said you dope!

But just for you...

Omg I can not believe your daughter is soooo upset over her mum offending her twice in a row, which I'm now realizing was on purpose. 😂

Hope she cuts you off before there is grandkids involved, you're the problem buddy, sorry you can't accept that.

I interpreted it as the op was hot and bothered, therefore took it as she couldn't be bothered to get out of the car and open the gate herself. I'd be annoyed if I was inside a house, had to stop what I was doing, go outside and open a gate because the driver was too hot to get out of the car. The OPs narky responses also make me think she thinks she's entitled to demand her daughter do x y or z

The OP has stated the gate was bolted on the inside.

Oh dear! Another unhinged poster spending too much time on social media and has now decided she knows me and that I did this on purpose.

It must be amazing to be you! To have never once in your life accidentally forgotten something. Never made an error.

I can assure you I am no dope because I do not intend to put up with my entitled daughter’s behaviour any longer. My daughter who does not pay board, does not clean her room or indeed any room, insists that no one is in the shower when she gets home, leaves all her dirty crockery for when I get home, thinks it was rude of me to beep my horn when she had locked me out and did not answer her phone…..I could go on. She is already finding out that things are changing around here. If she does not like that she is very welcome to look for free accommodation elsewhere where her washing, cleaning, cooking and life organising is thrown in.

I wish you look with the enabling of your children in the future.

You are so intent on making your daughter the bad one here, it's honestly so depressing to read.

Drip feed all the drama you want, it's not going to make you correct for the original instance of what you posted. If you wanted an opinion 'I raised my daughter correctly but she turned out lazy and doesn't like opening gates' then post that.

You didn't. You posted 'is this my fault?' - yup!

I don't use social media that often (ie, instagram, facebook, ect, but I've also no idea why you would even think that would change my point of view ?)

I wouldn't worry about my children when you've clearly got enough on your plate. She's set her boundaries, and good for her. Even if that makes you think I'm stupid for saying you're wrong 😂

Not one single word of annoyance left my mouth. I had told her I would be home at 1.30pm. I arrived at 1.40pm. I got out of my car to open the gate, they were locked from the inside (bolted) I could hear her in the pool. I shouted, NOT ANGRILY, I rattled the gates and shouted again, NOT ANGRILY. It was 35 degrees and I’d been in a hot room all day with no aircon or fan. In theory I should have been annoyed. I was not, simply because if I had shown the tiniest bit of annoyance, she’d have given me the silent treatment for days. When it became obvious she was not going to let me in, I beeped the horn. It was then her who was annoyed and me who got lectured for at least 15 mins.

Similarly, another incident where I was berated in front of her bf for daring to move her car when she had gone out for hours and blocked me in. She did not like how I had parked it and I should have reminded her to move it before she went out. It was apparently my responsibility to remind her and not hers to remember.

As for demanding x,y, z, since when has it been unreasonable to expect an adult to help with housework in a house they live in? Is it wrong to be upset when I walk in after a day at work to a sink full of dirty pots when she had been home on TikTok all day. Is it unreasonable to ask her to put her clothes in the machine or not to step out of her dirty clothes and leave them strewn over the bathroom floor - shoes too. Is grating cheese and leavibg it all over the worktop ok?

So yes, ffs o my responses are bloody narky because posters telling me I need to apologise and SHE NEEDS TO SET BOUNDARIES WITH ME, sre not seeing the full picture.

I absolutely DID NOT UPSET HER ON PURPOSE. The opposite is true. I tread on eggshells, as does my son, trying not to upset her beer cannot cope with the aftermath of her drama if she feels we have stepped out of line.

I have gone over and over and over this. It happened via text. I typed “You look alike” She replied “That’s weird.” It was NEVER discussed in conversation. It totally slipped my mind I’d even said it - you know - being a 50 plus stressed out menopausal woman so I said it weeks after too ALSO BY TEXT.

NEVER, EVER would I say something to hurt or upset her. I have thousands of texts in which I tell her she is beautiful etc etc.

Yes I am at the fucking end of my tether with her as any normal person would be.

Yawn zzzzzzzzzzz

Not wrong 😂

Why ask if you didn't want replies?

I hope you can work on yourself before you lose her forever. Good luck, OP

@0Thatsplenty0

I’m actually laughing at my own audacity. Fancy me thinking it’s ok to have an opinion.

Bless them ❤️

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

What a brat 😂

Accusing other posters of being stupid, pretending to be bored etc is not saying anything of note.

Don’t take it out on other people because you have an issue. Calling people names isn’t a good look.

Hope she cuts you off before there is grandkids involved

what a thing to say to a stranger based on a petty online squabble. This place is so unpleasant sometimes.

Calling people shit mothers and saying they hope they lose contact with their child, that they deserve what’s happened to them and hope they are never allowed contact with future grandchildren isn’t exactly a good look either. Particularly as I had been honest enough in my post to say that we have been through a truly horrendous few years.

However, as many posters have pointed out, MN is a vipers nest. There are people on here who love to inflict hurt on others. The more vulnerable the better. I am certain the vipers who made above comments have pressed the send option and sat back with a big smile, thinking I will be devastated. Sorry to disappoint, but not a single comment has affected me, although I’m sure some would be heartbroken.

Some really lovely posters have contacted me who have experience of this and have come out the other side. This is what I will carry forward. As the saying goes, you need to separate the wheat from the chaff.