Is this my fault

[Difficultadultkids]

My daughter’s past few bf’s haven’t treated her well. She now has a lovely new bf and I couldn’t be happier for her.

We’ve always sent each other pics of what we’re up to (just a thing we do) and I love to see their selfies of them having fun and just being happy together. He lives a fair distance away so she goes to his for some weekends.

About a month ago I commented how alike they looked. She replied saying it was a really weird thing to say. I’d totally forgotten I’d made this comment, and said two weeks ago “You do look alike.” This was not done on purpose. However, as a result she has told me I am not allowed to receive pics of them together due to me being weird. They’ve since been to a wedding and I’d spent ages helping her choose a dress and really looked forward to seeing the lovely pics but was only allowed to see the back of her and front of him.

i get most of you will not understand how upsetting this is. The last few years of my life have been absolutely awful and this little sprinkle of happiness has really lifted me, but obviously it was too much to ask.

For context I have never once asked for pics.

You sound lovely. This all sounds like a recipe for a fabulous mother and daughter relationship going forward.
Enjoy your spare room!

Who on earth would welcome someone saying ‘you look alike” if you’re a sexual couple? Why would you ever point that out? It’s either saying you’re narcissistic where you want to sleep with yourself, or incest.

What would be another interpretation?

I truly don’t know but I do know I have had enough! It’s one thing after another I seem to be apologising for. Last week she blocked my car in and went out with her bf. I needed to go out so had to move it. I was the one in trouble for not reminding her to move it and then had a thirty minute lecture about how I’d parked it. I know most are blaming me here but it is truly no joke to tread on eggshells 24/7. I am literally apologising all the time but it’s stopping right now as of today.

So you upset her and now you’re punishing her… retaliation

You’re a sh*t mum OP. Really inappropriate.

Oh, this is another wind up thread

I fell for it as well.

Back to the football

Oh I promise you I absolutely will. I am not being a doormat any longer.

Please do message MN admin who will confirm that I am a genuine long term poster. Believe the post or don’t. I actually don’t care tbh

Hopefully you enjoy it more than you would have enjoyed having a relationship with your daughter!

I’m absolutely gobsmacked by the complete pile-on this poor woman is getting!!

Seriously, you’d think she’d slept with her DD’s BF for the judgement she’s getting!

She was maybe a little untactful, that’s all. Her DD and most posters on here need to get a grip (and perhaps be a little kinder).

Great.

I think the issue is that you totally forgot that you had said something that your DD had told you she found weird. It’s not that you repeated a comment, it’s that your DD had a conversation with you where she made clear she found what it weird, and asked you not to do it again. And yet you said it again. She set a boundary and you ignored it?

you need to apologise not only for the comment but for not listening and respecting a clearly communicated boundary - this second bit is what this is all about.

I explained it because I was expecting someone to suggest I was asking her to send them. I know you have to make everything crystal flea that’s all.

Nope! She didn’t set a boundary. We did not EVER discuss it. She typed three words. “That’s really weird.” It was not mentioned again which is why I totally forgot about it. It was not made into a big deal.

I see this often. MN can be a nest of vipers when someone posts a problem about adult children. I think most commenters have young children and haven’t experienced those same problems yet. I usually chuckle to myself and think “Yeah, give it 15 years or so, you’ll change your tune!”

Ah, in that case I would simply go back and say, ‘I think I missed that this was really significant to you and that you were setting a boundary over those types of comments’, apologise, say you won’t ‘forget’ and say it again (I assume that you won’t now) and please can she start sharing the pictures again?

ETA just to add, I think her generation [my DD is this generation too] would actually consider a 3 word text as setting a boundary, even if we don’t.

Thank you but sadly the responses are indicative of today’s society and how kids are viewed. They are fully in charge and parents are expected to now and scrape.

Some of my responses have been shitty because only I know what a difficult kid she is and yes I am obviously often in the wrong but she has become one very selfish entitled girl who thinks she can call all the shots and it has to stop.

When I asked if she could afford board I was asked if I’d had a child just to make money out of her. The list is endless and this has been the icing on the cake. That I am no longer allowed to see pics as if she is some kind of celebrity when she absolutely knows that I have been so happy that she’s met someone nice. Well I actually don’t care anymore

Sounds like you live in a tiny bubble and don’t get out much. You need more than photos to get your happiness. It’s not your daughters job to oblige.

God forbid we upset our darling older children with an off the cuff comment that we haven't had time to screen for offensive content before it slipped out of one of our tired menopausal mouths. Let’s just tiptoe around them forever shall we? Just in case they decide to never speak to us again over practically nothing!

Much more! Now run along back to your Boden website and leave me to deal with my entitled child.

Its not weird . Couples often look broadly alike. We are programmed to be drawn to others who look like us.
I am not identical to my husband but we both have high cheek bones, heart shaped face and strong jaws. Prob both have quite thin lips!

Love this! Yep! Never, EVER would I have said that to spite her but I have had ENOUGH of her diva behaviour. I will no doubt get vilified now as I have told her to go to his house for their three planned days instead of coming here. After all - if I can’t see them in pics she won’t want me seeing them together in person!

Er nope! Definitely not related ffs

OP went from "Is this my fault?" to
"she has become one very selfish entitled girl who thinks she can call all the shots and it has to stop."

Which is it? I think the post saying OP made passive aggressive remarks is likely bang-on in more ways than one.

Please read my post. Absolutely NEVER EVER have I requested photos. Not odd at all. People and families exchange pics all the time.