Is this my fault

[Difficultadultkids]

My daughter’s past few bf’s haven’t treated her well. She now has a lovely new bf and I couldn’t be happier for her.

We’ve always sent each other pics of what we’re up to (just a thing we do) and I love to see their selfies of them having fun and just being happy together. He lives a fair distance away so she goes to his for some weekends.

About a month ago I commented how alike they looked. She replied saying it was a really weird thing to say. I’d totally forgotten I’d made this comment, and said two weeks ago “You do look alike.” This was not done on purpose. However, as a result she has told me I am not allowed to receive pics of them together due to me being weird. They’ve since been to a wedding and I’d spent ages helping her choose a dress and really looked forward to seeing the lovely pics but was only allowed to see the back of her and front of him.

i get most of you will not understand how upsetting this is. The last few years of my life have been absolutely awful and this little sprinkle of happiness has really lifted me, but obviously it was too much to ask.

For context I have never once asked for pics.

Assuming you get on well generally it seems odd that you didn't remember you had upset here with the comment the first time you made it.

All you can do is to apologise and hope she starts sending photos again.

It's not something to get "upset" over. A reasonable reaction would have been "Gosh, do you think so? I don't see it. Makes me feel kind of weird, what if people think we're related? Oh well, we're not, so never mind."

I mean it is a weird thing to say. But just apologise and say how much the photos mean to you and say you were a silly sod just talking without thinking.

Well she’s a bit weird then isn’t she. Stop hoping she will act normal when she’s weird.

She sounds like she has issues. How old is she? Has she been diagnosed with MH issues? I’d stop pussy footing around her and taking her crap. I doubt this relationship will last if this is what she’s like. Sooner or later her boyfriend will bear the brunt of her strange moods.

Can you not read? It quite clearly says in my had forgotten I’d said it. Have you never once on your entire life forgotten something?

Why say it at all?!

Edited for typo

Do you speak to your DD like this?

I think I'm seeing the issue....

It’s a scientific fact that we are attracted to people who look like ourselves so it’s not unusual, it’s human nature. Maybe just a little indelicate to mention it twice.

Even the bit about still apologising about beeping the horn is telling. It seems you do faux grovelling when she is giving perfectly valid feedback (like don’t beep the horn please) and play the victim. There is a lot of subtext going on here which I don’t think you’re being entirely honest about. If you did honestly appraise the dynamic between you and your daughter then you might see a bit where you’re going wrong but in light of your responses on this thread I doubt you’re going to do that.

Also, I forget things all the time. I make a point of remembering things I do that unintentionally upset people I care about. If it’s reasonable that I can avoid doing it again (it absolutely was in this case), I won’t do it again.

What do you mean you're "still apologising" for beeping the horn?

You both sound touchy and reactive.

Sorry but if someone doesn’t answer their phone and they have locked the gate (of presumably the OP’s house that the DD still lives in) then yes I will fucking lean on the horn until they come out to unlock the gate. She doesn’t like hearing a beeping horn? Oh diddums she will have to learn to cope with it won’t she. The mistake is indulging this sort of utter nonsense in the first place.

You sound delightful. Do you talk to
your family like this?
It was a weird thing to say tbh.

thrn if I’m reading it right, you had a mardy cause your gates were shut? Terrible 3rd world problems bless ya

Your daughter sounds like a bit of a bitch tbh. I have told couples this, I'm not implying they're related, some couples look alike! If I say two friends look alike I'm not saying they're related.

She’s 20! And difficult. Life on eggshells to not upset her

Wow some of the comments are a bit harsh.
I think uve done nothing wrong she needs to get over it.
I say things outloud and dont really filter things. I also forget things. Dont loose sleep over it. She will probably forget once u apologise sincerely and dont give it too much attention.

It's a horrible thing to say. Someone once said it to a newly married colleague about her and her husband and she was so self-conscious. It's effectively being told you've married your brother. In actuality, they were a young, good looking couple in love and the comments were just catty.

I would consider if you are sub-consciously trying to sabotage the relationship. Forgetting her reaction after the first time you it said it, fits sabotage.

I'd remember if I said something that upset her in the first place! You asked if this was your fault, it was. Don't get pissed off at people answering you honestly.

I don’t think it’s remotely an odd thing to say.

science has somewhere said the most compatible couples bear a facial resemblance to one another. No doubt someone has already or will shortly post a link.

Im sorry she has reacted so huffily and hope she calms down soon.

Totally wrong! I did not say one word about the gates being shut. It was 35 degrees. She refuses to ever answer her phone so I had no alternative other than to beep my car horn. Are you suggesting I should have sat outside until she eventually realised I was there? It was her who had a huge strop because I dared to try to gain her attention whilst she was in the pool by using the horn. Not one negative word came from me. Believe it or not, I don’t care

Tbh the comment was never discussed. She typed it was weird and it was never mentioned again. Which is probably why I forgot

How is it horrible (unless one of the couple believes themselves to be far more attractive than the other one and dislikes the comparison)? Obviously if her own mum says it, she’s not implying the boyfriend is her daughter’s brother is she? So how is it horrible?

Your colleague must be extremely sensitive if that upset her. Some couples look alike. Some friends look alike. Some people look like celebrities. I can't see how pointing this out is offensive unless one of them is a real munter and the fit one is offended.

There's a whole trend on SM where women get their dps to rate pics of women, but it's an AI generated imagine of the man as a woman. They all seem to rate them highly! And often the AI woman looks a lot like the woman in the couple.