To ask you if you’d date this man?

[BlueSandals]

To ask if you’d date this man if you found him attractive and in your age bracket and you are heterosexual female?

He is 53. Healthcare worker, interesting hobbies, seems very sensitive and caring. Intelligent. Interesting. Funny. Well travelled. Outgoing.

But…

He’s in the middle of a divorce. His ex has moved out of the family home to a smaller rented home and won’t see him face to face. They haven’t had contact in person for over a year. He lives in what was the family home. Has a teenage child that he doesn’t see. He says she has turned the child against him and she is an abusive narcissist. Nothing comes up on Claire’s law about him. The child apparently has behavioural issues due to his ex’s poor parenting in his view.

He sounds like the type of man where every accusation is a confession.
The fact SHE has left the family home with their child is a massive red flag.
Not to mention the fact his child won't see him.
Steer clear, sounds like trouble

I’d never date a divorcee or anyone with children, you’d be surprised actually that there are plenty out there that fit that criteria.

This. Massive red flags all over the place.

The old “she’s turned the child against me” classic.

OP keep well away.

No

Well technically he’s still married so no, I wouldn’t. Although it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker, I’d be very wary of the ‘crazy ex’ line. Also, do you wish to be a stepmum to a child with ‘behavioural issues’? I’m not sure I’d be volunteering for that!

"The child apparently has behavioural issues due to his ex’s poor parenting in his view."
So he didn't have any input in parenting his child ?

Absolutely not. I do not want to be any part of this mess.

just saw the update. But not suprised, I am always baffled when women get involved with men who have 6 children with 4 different women that he never sees but somehow believe he will stay with her.

Hell no ! He needs to work through the divorce, mend the relationship with his child, learn to co-parent amicably like a grown up and then, possibly I might consider it if I was still available, but its going to be years down the line if he is pulling the crazy ex card.

Just saw your update, delayed my original message.

Nope! No matter who is right or wrong on the parenting/divorce, I wouldn’t want to be mixed up in that and likely used as ammunition for one or the other. Far too messy.

That's a big bowl of hurt and chaos right there!

I've been where you are op. I had so much support from domestic abuse charities and programmes such as the Freedom programme, I would highly recommend seeing what is available to you in your area, if you haven't already.

Thanks. I have had amazing support too. Women that just get it and are so wise. So grateful!

No. I remember the women my dad dated when he was going through divorce and I genuinely felt sorry for them as he was calling my mum crying for her back every night. All this while telling these women he was being wronged by the evil lady keeping his kids from him. We didn’t want to see him because he was acting fucking crazy and had a bunch of random women in the house trying to mother us. I wouldn’t go near a bloke in the middle of divorce.

oh sounds a bit of a mess that will likely only get worse
sorry
but no

someone mentions looking for support in your area - dream on
you have to be your support and be alert
again no

I was in your position a few years ago. My abusive ex met some very quickly after I escaped. She moved in with him with her 3 daughters not long after. Her kids were sleeping in my kids beds. I have no idea what the heck she was thinking, given my eldest is very vocal about the physical abuse she witnessed and endured being the reason she refuses to even speak to her dad. He is a very good liar and very manipulative so I’d love to hear the story he told her. I am in the best place with my kids now, we are safe. It’s takes time but you will get there.

Thank you for sharing. So glad you are in a much better place now. X

Hell to the N.O.
Anyone who blames their ex totally for their child's behaviour and their own marriage failing, and who is not allowed to see their own child is plainly dangerous to be around. Save yourself the drama wirh this one!! Also seems like he is looking for a shoulder to cry on and most likely a " Mummy" to clean up his inevitable " cash flow crisis".

Nope.
You don't need this sort of shit in your life.

He might be the one and only man who is telling the truth about the crazy ex and her manipulation which has lead to him losing contact with his child. But it’s really unlikely so no, I wouldn’t date him.

Actually as PP said, I wouldn’t date a man who has children, unless those children were fully fledged adults (25 years+) and he had good relationships with them.

OP, I would be taking these replies with a pinch of salt.

Firstly, the posters replying are probably happily married.

Secondly, it is a hypothetical situation.

Thirdly, good looks, charm, and dark triad traits can blind people to the facts. I have seen this happening in my own life.

Oh sure if what he's been accused of is particularly heinous, maybe not.
But even then, look at all those women writing to prisoners.

If you're reading this thinking no other woman will want him believe me if he has the traits I list in the third point they very, very much will.

I'm not going to lie.

It’s the way the person talks about it which is the give away.

if a person has an ex who is genuinely mentally ill/toxic there is depth and nuance in the telling.
There is a continued respect and treating the person with humanity and taking their own share of the responsibility.
someone who describes the ex as a narcissist and then blames everything on them is someone to be avoided.

I don’t think that’s an aside, it’s central.

What kind of spouse & parent (who is clearly not a primary caregiver) allows their spouse and child to move out to uncertainty? Not a decent one.

I don’t think that’s an aside, it’s central.

What kind of spouse & parent (who is clearly not a primary caregiver) allows their spouse and child to move out to uncertainty? Not a decent one.