To ask you if you’d date this man?

[BlueSandals]

To ask if you’d date this man if you found him attractive and in your age bracket and you are heterosexual female?

He is 53. Healthcare worker, interesting hobbies, seems very sensitive and caring. Intelligent. Interesting. Funny. Well travelled. Outgoing.

But…

He’s in the middle of a divorce. His ex has moved out of the family home to a smaller rented home and won’t see him face to face. They haven’t had contact in person for over a year. He lives in what was the family home. Has a teenage child that he doesn’t see. He says she has turned the child against him and she is an abusive narcissist. Nothing comes up on Claire’s law about him. The child apparently has behavioural issues due to his ex’s poor parenting in his view.

A no strings affair, maybe. Just for the sex.
But if his DD ever came back into his life you would be side-lined. would she ever accept you? - Very unlikely.
Next!

He’s in the middle of a divorce. Nope

His ex has moved out of the family home to a smaller rented home and won’t see him face to face. Nope

Has a teenage child that he doesn’t see. Nope
He says she has turned the child against him and she is an abusive narcissist. Nope
The child apparently has behavioural issues due to his ex’s poor parenting in his view.Nope - just his ex's poor parenting I assume his was absolutely perfect?

even if any of what he says is true which I seriously doubt -Nope

My ex did and he was extremely abusive. He was also in a new relationship so quickly and acting all hard done by.

This man has more red flags than a Communist Party rally. If I were single I wouldn't go near him 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

I'm glad you're out of it now OP ❤️

Never

I have questions.

He’s in the middle of a divorce. - who instigated the divorce? I'm guessing the ex wife. Why are they divorcing?

They haven’t had contact in person for over a year. What ownership is he taking about his communication that they have not spoken for a year?

His ex has moved out of the family home to a smaller rented home and won’t see him face to face. Why was she the one that had to move out? With their teenage child? Why is it so acrimonious she will not speak to him?

Has a teenage child that he doesn’t see. Teenagers have their own working brains. What did the child witness and experience that means they do not want to talk to their dad?

He says she has turned the child against him and she is an abusive narcissist. - he is telling you what he is here. No court in the land would award custody to an obviously abusive parent. While it obviously does happen, why was he spending so little time with his child that someone could turn the child against him?

Nothing comes up on Claire’s law about him - that just means he has not been reported with the former

The child apparently has behavioural issues due to his ex’s poor parenting in his view. - this pisses me off the most. Why was she the only person parenting their child? If he was that concerned why did he not intervene and parent their child? Maybe the child has behavioural issues because his dad is a deadbeat that blames his wife for everything.

And if you are his next wife you can expect the same. Run. RUN!

Ok just saw the update. Oh OP, I am so glad you are out of his orbit and free now x

No 🚩🚩🚩

No.

deleted

Sorry I cannot stand reverses.
They really annoy me.
Why exactly do you care what the new woman thinks, OP?
I find that odd.
Why are you concerned about this.
Although it would be selfish, and I don't pass judgement on that, surely a more normal reaction would be thank f* he's somebody else's problem now.

That's the more understandable, imperfect human reaction. That's the one I've seen in many a situation like this.
Even if it's not that, it's indifference.

I've no idea why you started this thread. It's very odd.
Are you still pining for him?

Probably not because why is he bothered with dating instead of sorting his parenting out?

No sorry OP, nobody's that concerned about another adult (in this case the 'new woman') they don't even know.

Still interesting topic for a thread.

No. And I wouldn't believe a word he said about his ex either. (No woman with life experience would.)

Glad you left him. Try not to let him and his fucked up ways into your head so much. It does take a long time to recover; just give yourself time.

Absolutely not.

The men who blame the ex for everything are inevitably the problem.

Sadly I think there might be women happy to date a man who has little/nothing to do with their kid/s & by extension their exes.

Whatever the Op saw in him others will.

The ex is not crazy and he is feeding you lies. Please dont fall for it. Mine and many womens ex husbands have said that about simply because we refused to out up with abuse and being taken for granted and cheated on. Run for your life, literally

@BlueSandals if your/his house is on the market and he is living in it, I imagine he's dating as he'll need somewhere to live. The cocklodger I think it's called on here!

Well that’s against the law so what is he doing about it? Bugger all I’ll bet, too busy trying to get a date.

If the ex is so crazy why didn’t he leave her and take the child..?

🚩 🚩 🚩

Oh most definitely.
People do only tend to believe what they want to believe.
If he's charming and good-looking some other woman will fall for it.

Most here are saying not with a bargepole which may be genuinely true, fair enough, but unless you're in that situation who knows what you'll do I suppose.
Charm and good looks may make some women believe the guy.
In my case I did know his ex was a wrong 'un but would I have just taken his word for it? Who knows?

From bitter experience no, the whole it’s them not me is never the whole story

Sorry for the reverse. I didn’t realise that’s what it was. But I am sorry for the subterfuge. I wanted dispassionate human views.

Good question. Why did I post? Certainly not pining.

I guess I’ve used MN a lot over the last few years with a key theme of ‘am I going mad?’ Because that’s how the marriage made me feel. In fact he has labelled me mad.

I was sitting and thinking about his lovely new lifestyle and his time and energy to date someone. More disposable income, no responsibility and lots of exciting new ventures and how he must seem like such a catch.

But then I was wondering whether his context would put lots of women off. I was just pondering and to be honest it’s been really validating that just with a few key facts, lots of women could identify the abuse that happened. And people saying he is a bastard for not allowing his child to remain in the family home has been particularly validating. I’ll never forgive him for the impact of that decision on DC.

So reasons were curiosity and validation seeking I guess. MNetters helped me notice the pattern, leave and stay strong despite the ongoing abuse. It’s where I come for a dose of female wisdom and occasional hard truths!

Walk away, he is bad news unless you're a gullible thirsty one who loves the drama!

Not while he’s on the middle of a divorce no! Divorces are messy and emotionally exhausting and you don’t want to end up supporting him through it!

No.
Why is he in the family home when he doesn't have the child?
I'd not trust someone who didn't have contact with their child.
I'd not trust someone who blamed their child's issues on the ex.

Nope got enough dramas in my life without joining in with someone else's dramas. red flags with his child not wanting to see him hmm run while you still can