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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you if you’d date this man?

258 replies

BlueSandals · 29/06/2026 14:39

To ask if you’d date this man if you found him attractive and in your age bracket and you are heterosexual female?

He is 53. Healthcare worker, interesting hobbies, seems very sensitive and caring. Intelligent. Interesting. Funny. Well travelled. Outgoing.

But…

He’s in the middle of a divorce. His ex has moved out of the family home to a smaller rented home and won’t see him face to face. They haven’t had contact in person for over a year. He lives in what was the family home. Has a teenage child that he doesn’t see. He says she has turned the child against him and she is an abusive narcissist. Nothing comes up on Claire’s law about him. The child apparently has behavioural issues due to his ex’s poor parenting in his view.

OP posts:
Dontknowwhattodo21 · 03/07/2026 13:28

JMSA · 29/06/2026 14:43

Hell, no. And aside from the obvious red flags, what kind of man stays in the family home while the wife and child have to move out?

My ex did as I didn't feel safe enough to. I knew he wouldn't willingly leave and if he did he could technically walk in at any time as it was his house too. I moved out where he wouldn't know where I was. Not sure I'd trust any man who had his kids leave the house so he could stay in it.

Seaswimmer23 · 04/07/2026 20:00

No - see how things are in 12-18 months and possible reconsider. But absolutely not right now!

Aslana · 04/07/2026 21:14

Unless you want to be an unpaid family therapist definitely not! Alarming that he is seeking to start a relationship with all this going on.

B33cka8 · 04/07/2026 23:27

So he didn't take the child but got the family home? Nahhhhhh

Leave this one

ComedyGuns · 04/07/2026 23:41

PermanentTemporary · 29/06/2026 14:43

Personally, I’d be extremely wary, not because I automatically disbelieve him (there are plenty of awful women out there) but because this sounds like such a mess. At some point this behaviourally difficult teenager is going to be back in his life -sooner rather than later I would bet - and at that point both the teenager, the ex and this combative relationship are your problem too.

DP is divorced with adult children. He and his ex are on good terms, his children are lovely, grounded people. TBH I think of his ex as a friend of mine. That’s what you’re looking for imo.

This is great advice, but unfortunately a big NO to your current circumstances.

Hereagain2 · 05/07/2026 10:08

BlueSandals · 29/06/2026 14:39

To ask if you’d date this man if you found him attractive and in your age bracket and you are heterosexual female?

He is 53. Healthcare worker, interesting hobbies, seems very sensitive and caring. Intelligent. Interesting. Funny. Well travelled. Outgoing.

But…

He’s in the middle of a divorce. His ex has moved out of the family home to a smaller rented home and won’t see him face to face. They haven’t had contact in person for over a year. He lives in what was the family home. Has a teenage child that he doesn’t see. He says she has turned the child against him and she is an abusive narcissist. Nothing comes up on Claire’s law about him. The child apparently has behavioural issues due to his ex’s poor parenting in his view.

Has he applied for custody if his ex is such a bad parent. ?

run away run away!!

Aussiemum87 · 06/07/2026 00:10

Girl , no. The ex isn’t crazy. This is a VERY common story that men tell when in fact, they are the problem.
If he wanted to see his child, he would. The ex in question isn’t going to leave the family home and parent a high needs child ALONE, for no reason.

HRTQueen · 06/07/2026 01:16

Good for you op that you are moving on I wish you all the best

it takes a long time to make sense of how an abusive partner controlled you, trying to understand how he does this to others too can be part of that, dont feel bad for posting we have a choice to engage or not but you may have to accept you may never fully understand

you are still healing and one day why and how realy won’t matter in the way they way they do now, it’s a good feeling when you get to this and you are making the right steps forward

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