To ask you if you’d date this man?

[BlueSandals]

To ask if you’d date this man if you found him attractive and in your age bracket and you are heterosexual female?

He is 53. Healthcare worker, interesting hobbies, seems very sensitive and caring. Intelligent. Interesting. Funny. Well travelled. Outgoing.

But…

He’s in the middle of a divorce. His ex has moved out of the family home to a smaller rented home and won’t see him face to face. They haven’t had contact in person for over a year. He lives in what was the family home. Has a teenage child that he doesn’t see. He says she has turned the child against him and she is an abusive narcissist. Nothing comes up on Claire’s law about him. The child apparently has behavioural issues due to his ex’s poor parenting in his view.

Fuck, no.

No.

I would never date someone going through a messy divorce but definitely not anyone who uses the "crazy ex" shit.

Run. Quite fast.

Absolutely not.

Definitely not

I would never date someone with children.

Hell no.

Oh no, hell no

Absolutely fucking not.

Personally, I’d be extremely wary, not because I automatically disbelieve him (there are plenty of awful women out there) but because this sounds like such a mess. At some point this behaviourally difficult teenager is going to be back in his life -sooner rather than later I would bet - and at that point both the teenager, the ex and this combative relationship are your problem too.

DP is divorced with adult children. He and his ex are on good terms, his children are lovely, grounded people. TBH I think of his ex as a friend of mine. That’s what you’re looking for imo.

Hell, no. And aside from the obvious red flags, what kind of man stays in the family home while the wife and child have to move out?

No!

Certainly not, I'm married

Absolutely not. The old excuse of blaming the mother because he can't be bothered to make an effort with his child? Hell no.

It is actually utterly astonishing and insanely naive that you had to ask this question. There is ZERO chance that it isn’t entirely his fault that his daughter doesn’t speak to him.

Ha ha. Should have specified ‘and you were single and dating’ . Mind you being married doesn’t stop some people.

So - if you were dating?

Maybe just a short sharp affair if we have good chemistry ( ie a bit of fun ) but hard no to full on relationship.
Often I think mumsnet is a bit all or nothing when it comes to relationships. Its ok to have a fling.

He says he’s desperate to be in his child’s life.

I started off saying yeah why not just date him but then re-read the thread and thought, nah, it's all still too raw, too emotional.

Red Flags flying! Still married, messy split, doesn't see his kid, "crazy ex", high conflict with soon to be ex. Diagnosing his not quite ex is also a rather big red flag unless there's an actual medical diagnosis from not quite ex's mental health care provider.

People who constantly complain about their ex to a prospective new romantic interest is also a red flag.

Of course not. Just one of those generic thick men who think someone will actually believe the old 'my ex is mental' line.

A child abandoner should be derided and not welcome anywhere.

Then he can go to fucking court and get court ordered visitation.

Maybe he should concentrate on that and straightening his messy life up before he starts dating.

Not in a million years. He’s blaming his wife. Red red flag.

I would tread very carefully. If it's at all possible, try and find out the other side of the story from friends of the wife and daughter. Just because there's no Claire's Law disclosure, doesn't mean he's not an abusive prick.

no fucking way. Anyone male or female who shit talks exes is suspect. We don't have to stay close friends with exes but adults should be mostly be able to be cordial with them.

AND his child won't see him?? Run delete or swipe left or whatever to remove from your dating pool.