To ask you if you’d date this man?

[BlueSandals]

To ask if you’d date this man if you found him attractive and in your age bracket and you are heterosexual female?

He is 53. Healthcare worker, interesting hobbies, seems very sensitive and caring. Intelligent. Interesting. Funny. Well travelled. Outgoing.

But…

He’s in the middle of a divorce. His ex has moved out of the family home to a smaller rented home and won’t see him face to face. They haven’t had contact in person for over a year. He lives in what was the family home. Has a teenage child that he doesn’t see. He says she has turned the child against him and she is an abusive narcissist. Nothing comes up on Claire’s law about him. The child apparently has behavioural issues due to his ex’s poor parenting in his view.

The child has chosen and is old enough to have their wishes prioritised. He says the ex has manipulated the child to refuse contact.

Not in a million years

Nope. I wouldn’t ever date a married man or one with “crazy exes”

Really?! i moved out with my DD (50/50). For a number of good reasons...
I wanted to live in a different location
I didn't want the maintenance burden of a house with a septic tank and private water supply
I wanted a house that wasn't damp
I wanted a cheaper house and therefore smaller mortgage repayments

Lots of totally reasonable reasons for that part of the scenario.

I would not. I don’t understand people who feel the need to jump straight into a new relationship.

• His ex has moved out of the family home to a smaller rented home and won’t see him face to face. They haven’t had contact in person for over a year.

She's entitled not to see him - lets note a small red flag that she might be scared of him though.

• Has a teenage child that he doesn’t see. He says she has turned the child against him and she is an abusive narcissist.

What was his relationship like with his child before during and after the split. When did contact break down. What professional advice has he sought to try and repair the relationship. So many questions.

The child apparently has behavioural issues due to his ex’s poor parenting in his view.

• And while his child was being poorly parented he was where, exactly....

The whole thing reeks of bullshit.

They always claim this.

The family home is on the market. They will split the proceeds.

This too.

So he won't bother and blames the mom.

He can fuck off with that bullshit.

You would be nuts or completely desperate to date this guy.

Is he paying maintenance?

No

The fact he doesn’t see his teen child would put me off even if he was divorced…

No

No, I wouldn’t.

I wouldn’t date anyone going through a divorce, messy or otherwise.

I wouldn’t date anyone with those kinds of personal issues, or someone who doesn’t see their child (regardless of the reason).

Life is too short to spend my time on someone else’s drama. I would want simple, uncomplicated. This is neither, it’s a shit show waiting to happen.

Honestly, he probably just wants somewhere to live and you seem to be convenient.

I'll bet he hasn't been house hunting has he? Even though his house is up for sale.

Of course he says these things, do you really think he's going to come out with "I can't be fussed to see my daughter, and that's my choice."

Why is he even thinking about dating? If I was in that position I'd be moving heaven and earth, going to court and my sex life would be the last priority.

Old enough to choose not to see their Dad but young enough to be “manipulated”?

Hmmm

So he presumably has applied to court for access?

Do you have a house?

Although I completely understand why the 'crazy ex' trope is one that can be a red flag, I do also know more than one man (family members and close friends of mine) who really do have abusive exes who have behaved horrifically to them and have manipulated and weaponised their children in the split. And it would be extremely unfair if those men weren't able to talk about it, or were blamed for it, when starting a new relationship.

Like I say - I completely understand why it can be a huge red flag and that some men are indeed spinning a lie to excuse their own awful behaviour. I would, in some cases, be very wary indeed.

But I would certainly caution against assuming that's always the case, because everyone, male or female, can be a victim of abuse/control, and it helps nobody if men are expected to hide that and never talk about it for fear they'll be blamed or treated as damaged goods.

If the child is above a certain age, that wouldn't apply.

So in all that time he didn’t step up with the parenting to try and help or guide or discipline his child?

He has time to do interesting hobbies, travel hasn’t he? Whilst the other parent gets all the parenting and the blame. It’s much easier shouting on the sidelines isn’t it?

He hasn’t given a whiff that he might have just contributed to all of this.

I'd be insulted if a man expected me to believe such drivel.

Shit men like this follow a boring script about why are failures as a parent, zero effort with their child, zero effort trying to get sex from literally anyone.

Does he say why his child refuses to see him?

I would have said “avoid avoid” but I am watching the kindest person I know go through exactly this scenario. Child living with the other parent and has manipulated said child so that they don’t want the other parent in their life despite the court advising against this. It’s awful to watch unfold. Children are so easy to manipulate.