AIBU to think my husband is a bit of a dick?

[FlamingoFloss]

I know in the grand scheme of things (and compared to other people and their issues) this may not be a thing, but it is to me. I went away last weekend for three nights. I feed a fox outside my house every single night. I have cats and I feed the fox any leftover food and I have been doing so for well over a year. if I don’t have enough leftover food then I’ve lots of cats food and so I make it up a little bit - my husband knows this. He doesn’t have a problem or he never has and is actually grateful I put the leftover food out rather than putting in the bin as it stops the flies.

So tonight I find out he did not feed the fox for the time that I was away because he doesn’t care apparently. I said to him he knows this is important to me and he said he just doesn’t care and that the cats are even lucky they got fed.

Who is this man who knows that this is a big deal for me and yet just didint even bother? and the fact he’s even said that about feeding our own pets????

I thought feeding foxes domesticated them, which is actively discouraged? They can find their own food, it's what they do and they're good at it.

Also as others have said, if you move away, what happens then?

My mil and fil used to feed a fox. When fil died mil got a tiny dog. The fox attacked her, I blamed mil for encouraging it in the first place to come to her garden

Please ignore the awful comments and keep feeding your fox. Also Thank you for doing that.

I feed pigeons in my garden every morning and it's always at around the same time each morning, they all gather at that time, waiting for me. I'm divorced but when I was married if I was not able to feed the pigeons for any reason my husband would not step in and do it. Reason was becos he didn't have the compassion in him to care about it. And you cant make someone have that, you have it or you don't. Its your choice to take the time to feed your fox friend, just like it's my own choice to feed the pigeons. It is rewarding, its worth it and believe me your fox friend appreciates you. As you can see by some of the comments here, not everyone has your compassion.

Thanks. Sassy is fine. I like sass. It's actually the Birmingham and Black Country Wildlife Trust (they are the BBC). Although I'd have thought the streets of Birmingham would currently be a veritable smorgasbord for urban foxes. I know near me some people feed because we've had a combination of housing development and 'landscape management' by the Highways Agency that has destroyed a lot of the foxes' traditional feeding grounds.

TBH it sounds like even if a person were of the it's OK to feed foxes opinion the OP is probably doing too much. She mentions making up more food for example. She could probably take some advice and rein it in a bit. Her husband's still a dick though

Pigeons can also find their own food. They are wild animals. I bet all your neighbours hate you too. Small birds like sparrows and tits are far more vulnerable than pigeons which are ubiquitous.

This can't be the only dickish thing he has done.

YANBU. He sounds awful.

These issues are always so conscientious. The RSPB are now recommending not to feed birds due to diseases and reliability. This was discussed decades ago but the RSPB have now become public with it. The problem is, like with the highways you mentioned, people don’t grow the sort of plants anymore that provide food for seed-eating bf birds or that sustain the invertebrates for the birds that eat them. So people rushing to stop will, undoubtedly, cause damage. It’s surprising but Britain is actually very nature-depleted in comparison to others countries. It’s sad too. I think I am conscious of the fox feeding because I have encountered landowners who will happily shoot a fox or a crow etc, then hang them up as warnings. They will do so with badgers too but I have never witnessed that. Animals have a better chance if they don’t trust humans, unfortunately.

It’s all a bit depressing really. I will concede to you on the husband!

You are right to be worried about a DH who says he’ll do sth for you, doesn’t do it then says he doesn’t care. Your wishes aren’t important to him. He can’t even be bothered to discuss with you that he doesn’t agree with feeding the foxes. Think hard before having children together. Don’t let the kids stay up till midnight eating sweets - I don’t care.

Yes, hence why I live with a dog despite not liking animals.

Don’t feed foxes and karma won’t give you such a bad DH.

I live with an animal despite hating animals... its a major life compromise and I cry multiple times a week because I find it so difficult. So no, I certainly will not be put in the position to mind 3 children (one of whom is a stepchild), work full time, take care of the house and then also find time that I don't have to walk a dog multiple times a day when I can't even bare to touch an animal.

However, my husband is smart enough not to want me in that position either. Why would he want me stressed and upset when the dog is happy in a kennels for a few night? Like I said, if it's just one overnight I'll do it but I absolutely will never put myself in a stressful scenario when I don't need to.

It doesn't sound like DH communicated his (un)intentions well but I'd be much more likely to use the word "dick" about someone who does feed foxes than someone who doesn't.

In the grand scheme of things, I couldn't get worked up about this. Foxes are wild animals, they don't need feeding. If you want to feed them, fine. I don't see why he should have to if he doesn't want to!

The difference between you and the OP is though that you and your husband have communicated and come to an arrangement that suits you both. You haven't said "Oh yes, I'll walk the dog", not bothered and then told him that you don't care about it.

Shouldn’t feed foxes OP especially as a cat owner.
Foxes and cats can fight, my mum had a cat mauled by a fox and had to be put to sleep.

Oh and your husband sounds like an arse.

Could your husband have made the comment about the cats being lucky to be fed in retaliation to you no doubt going off on one to him for not feeding a fox? I know that's what I would have said, even though I would not hve meant it. Btw he is in the right and its you who is a dick!

Words fail me, well nearly… am so happy I don’t know you.

Sorry op, my message was to budget buster

Your DH is a bit of dick for not following through on something he agreed.

However, perhaps he's grown resentful of your animal obsession? Sharing a home with multiple cats that will need fed, litter trays cleaned, will be shedding fur everywhere, scratching furniture, and possible cock blocking sexual activity (lol)? On top of that he now has feeding a fox to deal with?

How much quality time do you spend as a couple? You sound like you probably spend all evenings cooing over the fox and cats. Perhaps DH tolerated the cats but the fox has tipped him over the edge?

I also find it incredibly hypocritical of posters to criticize BudgetBuster for putting DH dog in a kennel overnight.

Only a quarter of dogs are never left alone. The overwhelming majority of dog owners leave the dogs alone for the entire working day (albeit some will nip home to let it out for a brief walk and piss).

Only 2.5% use dog walkers so again the majority are happy to leave them couped up to their own devices. Dogs mostly serve the purpose of filling in the gaps of their owners day where they're not asleep or at work.

Well i suspect he doesnt agree with you feeding them but you sound too hostile to have that debate with him. Had he said no i wont feed the fox, you would have argued with him. Out on my back lawn last year...seven foxes...and i dont feed them. I dont hate foxes but they crap everywhere, dig up everywhere and howl like banshees in the night when they mate in my suburban garden.

Tbf though he did feed the cats. I'd say his response was just being fed up of being criticised by the OP.

You sound like a good match for each other…

Why are you glad you don't know me?
Because I put the animals needs first and we make sure he is well looked after instead of me spending days on end crying at the thought of having to care for it solo?

The unreasonable person here is you OP.