AIBU to think my husband is a bit of a dick?

[FlamingoFloss]

I know in the grand scheme of things (and compared to other people and their issues) this may not be a thing, but it is to me. I went away last weekend for three nights. I feed a fox outside my house every single night. I have cats and I feed the fox any leftover food and I have been doing so for well over a year. if I don’t have enough leftover food then I’ve lots of cats food and so I make it up a little bit - my husband knows this. He doesn’t have a problem or he never has and is actually grateful I put the leftover food out rather than putting in the bin as it stops the flies.

So tonight I find out he did not feed the fox for the time that I was away because he doesn’t care apparently. I said to him he knows this is important to me and he said he just doesn’t care and that the cats are even lucky they got fed.

Who is this man who knows that this is a big deal for me and yet just didint even bother? and the fact he’s even said that about feeding our own pets????

Your total lack of concern about the community you live in is the problem here.

YABU. Feeding foxes is fine but they're not going to starve if you miss a night (or many nights).
They are resourceful creatures.

Stop feeding the foxes.

I work in nature conservation, love wildlife including foxes.

YABVU to feed foxes on the regular basis and it causes issues for the fox. You’re not doing this for the animal but for your own selfish reasons - you are putting ‘your’ fox at risk. Maybe your DH realises that feeding foxes is irresponsible. Good for him.

He’s an adult. He could say “I don’t agree with feeding the foxes, and it’s not something I’ll do if you’re away”. He didn’t though. He told her he’d do it, didn’t and then said he didn’t do it because he “didn’t care”. Like the massive baby he is.

Anything you post on Mumsnet is up for debate. You don’t get to dictate what people post. You shouldn’t feed wild animals, it makes them dependent and less able to find their own food. What happens when you go on holiday, the poor fox starves? Or if you go into hospital? Or move away? YABVU.

He was a dick about what he said about the cats though.

Agree

Well given the responses she has given here and the lack of care she actually has for the welfare of the fox, I wouldn’t be surprised that this hasn’t been expressed to her in the past and she has dismissed it. Maybe he is a shit communicator, but clearly so is she. She gives as much of a fuck about the fox as she does but they both express it in different ways, her by putting it at serious risk and him by not giving a toss to tell her he doesn’t give give a toss.

ETA - the stuff about the cats makes him a tosser.

Self centered

why do you cook every night? I had the same thing with my late dog and I used to bulk cook and freeze in portions. Its not a chore to just take the day's food out of the freezer and thaw it.

He's a dick for saying he's do it then not doing it...but maybe he wanted to avoid an argument and thought you wouldn't notice. nasty comment about not feeding the cats though.
I agree, don't feed foxes.

I was thinking this.

What would you have done if he had refused to feed the foxes when you initially asked him? How would you have reacted? I think most people would have refused tbh, so is the issue that he wanted to avoid an argument at that tme?

Yes, he’s been a dick. My DH will feed my pets (and the wild birds that I also feed) if needs be. It’s something that matters to you and doing so shows he cares about your beliefs and feelings even if it’s not something he would normally do.

Not all wildlife trusts say “don’t feed foxes”

Should I feed my foxes?
If you want to, yes; lots of people feed foxes, either regularly or occasionally, and get a great deal of enjoyment from doing so, but please be aware they are wild animals - feed and watch them, but don't try and tame them. In particular, don't put out excessive amounts of food and clear away any uneaten food. This will help ensure you do attract unwanted visitors, such as rats or cause a nuisance to your neighbours.

It may depend on where she lives. She may not be doing in the best way. She may be difficult to communicate with. And she says he’s never indicated he has a problem with it. As I said before though, I’d have thought if she was that bad he’d just claim he’d done it.

https://www.bbcwildlife.org.uk/urban-fox

Agreed. Just don’t do it.

Bloody hell I don’t think I’ve ever read anything worse on here!

Your DH has to rush away for family emergencies and he has the additional worry of his dog being in kennels.

All because you’re too lazy to take care of it for a few days.

What a nasty, selfish person you are.

I always thought marriage was team work, ie you help each other out when needed. I hope your dh is as equally unhelpful when you need him to help you out.

YANBU

It’s not about the rights and wrongs of feeding foxes.

He promised he’ll do something and didn’t, not because he forgot or was too busy but because he simply couldn’t be bothered.

So yes he’s a dick.

FWIW I know loads of people who feed foxes, squirrels, hedgehogs, birds etc - I don’t think it makes you a bad person to feed the wildlife.

Do you actually like your husband?

Foxes shouldn’t be eating human food. You’re probably doing the fox more harm than good. Why do you have leftovers anyway? Why not just cook the amount of food that you’ll eat?

Urban sprawl encroaches on foxes natural habitats so they have less places to get food now. You can read more about foxes here:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/473681106842504/about

https://www.facebook.com/groups/foxlover/

im not gettimg into the Feed or Not To Feed debate.

Fact is that the op does feed and this female fox is now relying on her. This vixen could have cubs to feed and suddenly her food source is gone. Maybe her water source too if the bucket/bowl/whatever was empty and not refilled. She’d be sitting nearby watching for multiple hours in the heat for nothing. That’s unnecessarily cruel.

Id tell DH that, and remind him that he promised to do this thing and it’s disrespectful to you that the minute your backs turned he goes back on his word without telling you prior so you could put something else in place.

As for not feeding cats, if that was only half in jest and he doesn’t like them i’d be packing his bags 🤣 Love me love my cats. No, ok bye bye.

If he doesn’t take your point Id be not doing things for him i dont particularly like when hes out…..no clean shirts this week yeah you weren’t here DH so i didn’t bother doing a washing as i dont like it. No blow job, yeah i dont like them so youll not be having one. No food shopping of things you like yeah i don’t agree with xyz that you eat so i didnt buy any as you weren’t here in the shop at the time. This is what it feels like when someone promises you somwthing DH and then doesnt do it.

However that may be a bit childish and lead to you seeing him for what he is, not very nice. You may end up preferring to be without him…..

You shouldn't be feeding foxes IMO.
However, he agreed to do it and then he didn't, which makes him untrustworthy in my book. And saying that your own cats are lucky they got fed is spiteful and somewhat threatening.
I'd be alarmed if my DP said something like that and would think something was very wrong with him.

That’s nice for those Trust’s. I work in this field, it’s not a good thing to do and can cause harm to foxes. I also know the people who own farms and similar who would shoot a fox who had been tamed. It’s not fair, it’s not safe and it’s selfish.

@BackToLurk I apologise, I reread my message and I sound very sassy and rude, I don’t mean to sound that way, but I think it’s easy for people sitting in the Bristol BBC office to say ‘sure, feed foxes, it’s all good’ when they haven’t actually spoken to landowners in this country. There is a lot of dislike for foxes, which is a shame as they’re great animals, and tally you are allowed to shoot a fox on your land providing you do it ‘quickly’. Foxes without fear are at such a risk and it’s always because the feeder wants to feel the connection with a wild animal. Wild animals don’t need that connection, they need to be left to do their thing in peace. It’s better to do wildlife-friendly stuff in your garden rather than this sort of thing. It really bugs me! But I apologise for my message to you sounding crappy.