AIBU to think my husband is a bit of a dick?

[FlamingoFloss]

I know in the grand scheme of things (and compared to other people and their issues) this may not be a thing, but it is to me. I went away last weekend for three nights. I feed a fox outside my house every single night. I have cats and I feed the fox any leftover food and I have been doing so for well over a year. if I don’t have enough leftover food then I’ve lots of cats food and so I make it up a little bit - my husband knows this. He doesn’t have a problem or he never has and is actually grateful I put the leftover food out rather than putting in the bin as it stops the flies.

So tonight I find out he did not feed the fox for the time that I was away because he doesn’t care apparently. I said to him he knows this is important to me and he said he just doesn’t care and that the cats are even lucky they got fed.

Who is this man who knows that this is a big deal for me and yet just didint even bother? and the fact he’s even said that about feeding our own pets????

Just.... why?

Yes I have ❤️ Have seen her every night this week (she was waiting for her food earlier). It upsets me that every night she comes for her food and then for 3 nights she didn’t have any when she is used to it.
it does help us out as well - particularly in the summer - as leftovers (including from our dinner plates) go to the fox. We don’t get the flies from
lwetover food that we used to get so a win win

Yes, sure, foxes shouldn't be fed. But that's a separate issue to a husband saying 'who cares what you want'. That's awful.
I'd say he needs counseling to understand how hurtful that is. If he can't even be bothered with that, I don't know what to say. I'd be completely freaked out. It's like suddenly realizing that black mole you didn't think much about is really melanoma.

You'd be shocked to hear that if my DH is away for a few nights, our pet dog goes to the kennels because I refuse to feed / walk it!

I can't imagine someone being annoyed with me for not feeding a bloody fox who shouldn't be fed anyway!

Good god why would you refuse to feed or walk your own dog????

I don't like dogs. Never wanted one but it was important to DH. I have enough to do with working FT and carting 3 kids around. If it's just one day / night he's away I'll do it, but not for a few nights. But this was always agreed before we got the dog and DH has only been away for 2 family emergencies (illness) since.

Just wow

I wouldn’t have fed the fox either, they are not meant to be fed and are not pets. So no way I would have indulged that as it would be as important to me not to do it as it’s important to you to do it, so I can’t begrudge your DH.

You really aren’t supposed to feed foxes regularly . It’s so harmful for them and can really disrupt their natural abilities to hunt. It also encourages over familiarity to humans which can be dangerous.

Re your husband it’s hard to tell why he would be so mean about feeding your own pets , I’ve got no issue with him not feeding a fox though, it’s not your pet. Sounds like he’s being a bit of a baby.

Yes, he is a dick. About the fox and also the cats. He admits he doesn’t care. What is true, but that he hasn’t said aloud, yet showed by his behaviour is that he doesn’t care at all about what is important to you.

Hes not a nice person
it’s more than being ‘a bit of a dick’.
how disappointing.

Pets are a different issue but why should he give a damn about feeding foxes?

He is fine. He knows that it is better for the fox that it is not fed. Fox needs to maintain and practise it's natural hunting skills and eat it's own native diet away from urban areas.

Look up diseases and worms that can be spread to you and your cats from foxes.

I feed foxes! I also feed squirrels and birds.
I adore them all. Seeing random wildlife visit my garden gives me so much pleasure.
(Random humans - not so much 🤣😂)
Whenever i go away my friend comes round to house sit. He is under strict instructions to replenish the bird feeders, distribute nuts for the squirrels, and feed the foxes. All of which he does - because he cares about me.
He is definitely NOT an animal lover - far from it.

Pleased to hear your fox has returned. 🥰

I'd love to do this! No close neighbours it would affect. How do I go about it-any tips?

I used to hate looking after my parents dogs (and there were 4 of them, 5 if my brother dumped his on me as well like he did one time) and used to feel guilty about how I resented walking and feeding them for just a few days. I used to be so relieved when my parents got back from holiday lol. Reading that post about someone dumping their one dog in a kennel made me feel a lot better about myself! How sad for poor doggo tho, and it's when her DH is dealing with a family illness, blimey 😬

It is not healtyh for foxes so I am not sure why anyone who cares about animals would do this

What flies for leftover food? Where would you be keeping it otherwise? Mine goes in the food recycling bin.

PPs are correct when they say you shouldn’t feed foxes as it stops them foraging naturally. When the food doesn’t go out,as happened in this instance, they are less able to find their own food. They also carry fleas and shit everywhere. My cat gets fleas from sleeping on the same patch of grass as the foxes so I don’t encourage them, cute as the cubs are.

I think it should be up for debate when that’s the whole premise of your argument. No one is going to side with you when we disagree with you feeding the fox in the first place, so good on your DH 😂

It's isn't my dog. It is my husbands. He isn't dunped in a kennel... he bloody loves the social interaction. I actually cry multiple times a week because I can't cope living with a dog but I still.allow it because it's important to DH despite it really affecting my own mental health.

I have 3 young kids and a full time job, O don't have the time to also be out walking the dog like he would need so its better he is in the kennels.

Regardless of the argument about if feeding foxes is right your DH seemed to be wanting to upset you. The act doesn’t demonstrate love. It would worry me.

@BudgetBuster Maybe if you post a bit about your situation someone will come up with some tips to help. Dogs can be tough to look after but this really seems a bit extreme? I didn't mean to have a go it was just the way you put it but now you've explained I get it, but it shouldn't have to be that way, at least not all the time do you think it's more you're just so busy and overwhelmed than the actual dog?

Yep.

He said he would feed them and then didn’t so yes, he is a dick. His comments about your cats being lucky the bot fed are even worse.

Is he usually so nasty and uncaring towards animals and things that matter to you? He’s a liar too.

I don’t think that is comparable to OPs situation. You don’t agree to do the care for the dog for whatever reason, your husband knows this, so he is able to make other arrangements for the dog to be cared for.

In OPs case, the husband agreed to do something she asked and then just didn’t bother. The added comments about their own cats, shows that he is nasty and wants to hurt OP.