AIBU to think my husband is a bit of a dick?

[FlamingoFloss]

I know in the grand scheme of things (and compared to other people and their issues) this may not be a thing, but it is to me. I went away last weekend for three nights. I feed a fox outside my house every single night. I have cats and I feed the fox any leftover food and I have been doing so for well over a year. if I don’t have enough leftover food then I’ve lots of cats food and so I make it up a little bit - my husband knows this. He doesn’t have a problem or he never has and is actually grateful I put the leftover food out rather than putting in the bin as it stops the flies.

So tonight I find out he did not feed the fox for the time that I was away because he doesn’t care apparently. I said to him he knows this is important to me and he said he just doesn’t care and that the cats are even lucky they got fed.

Who is this man who knows that this is a big deal for me and yet just didint even bother? and the fact he’s even said that about feeding our own pets????

A few different issues here but Yabu to feed foxes. You’re doing them a disservice and being an antisocial neighbour.

Yanbu to be shocked at finding out what he really thinks about the cats. Also Yanbu to be angry that he pretended that he would feed the fox then didn’t. I assume that you found out about the deception rather than him being honest after you got back. Was the trip for necessity or pleasure? it sounds like he could be using this issue to prevent you going away overnight.

He's probably reacting defensively to you (quite understandably) telling him off for forgetting to feed the foxes. So he's going stroppy and saying he doesn't care and you should be grateful he even fed the cats. I know it's horribly aggravating, and he is being a bit of a dick, but I wouldn't take it too seriously.

Why not?? If you care about the foxes, you literally should NOT be feeding them

If this was reversed and my husband insisted I should have done something for no reason except ''its important to him'' he would be told I do a million other things and to shove off with his demand I am busy enough

What will happen if you'll stay at hospital, die, etc? This bloody fox will come every single day. Anyway, no fox should eat food from households. Ask VET.

Feeding foxes is wrong. You're the one not caring for animals.

One of our neighbours feeds the foxes every evening. She means well, but now we have nightly screaming of foxes. Numbers have multiplied.
On top of this her neighbours have rats all over their gardens as they come to get the left overs.
One of them has now reported her as they have young children. It is dangerous.

No, I'm not overwhelmed. I don't like animals. Never have. Like I said if he's just gone for the day or overnight, I'll do what needs doing but I'm not putting myself out for 3/4 days when I already have 3 kids to juggle and work solo. The dog loves the kennels so it isn't a bad thing.

He should have told you he wasn’t going to do it. Feeding foxes is really bad and you should care more about what’s good for the foxes than yourself.

YABU because feeding foxes is the dick move.

But I'd be bothered if my DH said he'd do something for me, didn't do it and then told me it was because he didn't care. Have to consider that in the context of everything else he does and says, but if it's indicative of his attitude towards you, you need to leave.

I can totally see @BudgetBusterpov and she’s a saint for putting up with it tbh. Not everyone is into pets and OP’s OTT love for this fox (to the point of doing the wrong thing by feeding it and simply saying it’s not up for debate) does not need to be facilitated by the DH who has his own opinions and is allowed to. The comment about the cats is probably just a weary response to dealing with OP fox fixation, but equally he needn’t care about the cats just because OP does. They aren’t his children and that comparison is silly. He is his own person, he did feed the cats, he reneged on feeding the fox because he doesn’t want to, need to, and frankly shouldn’t do. It’s not a 3 line whip and if he is a didk then so is OP for insisting on it. It’s more like a DH insisting a DW plays golf or something she has zero interest in just because he’s obsessed with it, but worse because you’re actually not meant to do it.

Does your H realise how unhappy you are living with a dog?
Why is it so important to him to have one?

No offence intended but anybody who feeds foxes is clearly somebody who is emotionally driven than logical so maybe the 'lucky feed cats' comment was said in jest and the OP is over thinking it.

Feeding foxes is f*g ridiculous.

Also foxes can attack cats and she's encouraging them.
Not sure the dh is the 'dick' in this scenario...

Yea he’s a dick. If he didn’t want to feed the fox he should have said so.

So cross at this post.

We have have rats in the garden. The exterminators spoke to the neighbours and it became clear that the cause was feeding foxes!

So so so frustrating to have ignorant people feeding foxes!

Why don’t you cook a batch of the food so you only have to cook it weekly?

Our next door but one neighbours feed our local foxes.

Our garden gets used as a fox loo and there's lots of screaming at night...

I feed my foxes, I live in the arse end of nowhere with no neighbours though. And yes, if he said he would do it and didn’t, he is a dick. DH loves our animals, would never say they were “lucky” he fed them and yes, feeds the foxes if I’m not here.

It's f*ing ridiculous that people do this.
My dopey, airy fairy neighbour used to do this.
They don't need feeding ffs.
This is why I'm not too convinced by the OP's account that her husband is some animal hating villain.
The feeding cats comment was probably said in jest.

Maybe your husband doesn’t agree with feeding it. I wouldn’t have done it either.

Good on him!

She didnt literally mean you. She meant people like you.
How can you not see that?

I was shocked by your first post and really couldn’t understand it but on reflection, just because it’s not something I would do, it doesn’t make it wrong.

If the kennels are good enough for dogs when their owners go on holiday then why is it any different in your case? It’s much better than someone who doesn’t care for them at all to be put in charge of them. If this is how you and your husband compromise about his need to have a dog, then fair play to you.

He ias not being unreasonable for sensibly not feeding the fox

Yabvu.

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