Would I be embarrassing myself to ask for a discount or would you try? (School fees)

[Inftsouthwest]

I’m in my 40s and me and my brother went a private school throughout, obviously many years ago. I also have some connections with the school as a couple of relatives (though now passed) used to work there.

Me and ex recently split and I have moved back to the area. Prior to split we were in a position to afford school fees with relative ease. Now we have split and with the added vat, it is going to be a struggle.

For context my take home pay is 4,500 and ex is 5,600.

I thought of going to the new headmaster and asking if he would honour some sort of discount for DD. Nothing major but perhaps even 10% or something.

Would I be completely embarrassing myself here? I know private school is a controversial topic but I absolutely adored school and feel strongly about the wider experiences young people have with private education. I know I can express this with passion, because it’s completely true for me that I really believe in the system.

We would probably send her regardless of a reduction but as above it would be hard.

Have you applied for scholarships or a bursary?

@Summercocktailsgalore no, would that be advertised on the website? I don’t really understand how they work either, surely lots of people apply for that and obviously we are high earners tax wise so assume we wouldn’t be considered

Most schools have details of bursaries published on their website and explain how the means testing works. Have they got any info?

If not, it’s worth an ask, particularly if you can’t afford the fees and won’t be sending her without a discount. Even if it is embarrassing you never have to see them again. You definitely won’t have been the first parent to ask though.

not sure form your post if you’re looking at prep or senior, but the latter may also have scholarships available if your child is particularly academic/musical/sporty- these are often around 10% off.

Would you be prepared to hand over your financial details for them to assess? Would you be comfortable with the idea of other parents subsidising you?

If so, if it's worth tolerating any discomfort around that (if any) in exchange for the potential savings then go for it. Someone has to get these bursaries.

I’ve just checked. They do have bursaries.

But surely with our income that would mean we wouldn’t get it? Does it look ridiculous to ask on these salaries? Obviously I know we are not wealthy but it’s not like we are on minimum wage is it

@Flampert just looked at the form it is very invasive! I would hate the scrutiny but would do it for DD

Depends on the school. I recently removed my son from private due to vat. I earn slightly more than you and they offered a bursary to try to keep us. Unfortunately it still wasn't feasible but it could be for you if your ex is willing to contribute. We were the least well off people there though.

Sorry I should add that I am almost mortgage free (100k outstanding on 600k house). The form asks for assets and mortgage details, would this be bad?

I just don’t know the parameters at all

People on minimum wage can't afford private school, even with bursaries and scholarships. If you don't ask you don't get. Is there not some sort of finance person who can answer questions about the support that is available/the likelihood of being granted a discount?

You’re on over £10,000 per month? Why can’t you afford it? Do you have really expensive housing or something?

@NoArmaniNoPunani thanks for sharing. Was it just your income they were assessing
or someone else too?

@LaurieFairyCake eh? Did you read my OP?

If you aren’t eligible for a bursary why would they give you a discount and, if they do, then they will have to give it to everyone. They are running a business.if you feel that strongly about the school, you and your ex can find the money to pay for it but I’m sure your DC will survive if they go to school elsewhere. No is entitled to a place at any private school

some take equity in a house into account.

@ScotiaLass ohh sorry I get it, so it’s more a contribution if you go down the bursary route.

Does 10k combined income with ex with almost no mortgage (mother) sound possible? I just don’t want to apply and sound idiotic

Just my income as I'm a single parent.

@NoArmaniNoPunani would I be better applying as a single parent do you think? Ex is very much involved with dd though, even though she lives with me full time

???

They take home £120k a year. Private school fees are around £60k. Plus VAT now.

They're separated so two rents/mortgages to pay, two lots of CT, two lots of bills...

You are a single parent. Were you thinking of pretending to be married?

It's not really for DD if you can afford the fees though is it, it's to save money.

I think you could probably enquire or ask for some info on bursaries without disclosing your income. I think it's a reasonable question to ask.

As a very very rough example though, if you accept a bursary you might be expected not to be able to afford a foreign holiday on your disposable income after school fees.

@NoArmaniNoPunani no the application form asks about mother and father

@Flampert well it is for her because any savings on it would be to make life better for her too

lol yeah I feel strongly and passionately about all the benefits of a private school education too. But I can’t afford it 🤷‍♀️

Yes this was one of the things that was made clear to me when a bursary was offered. You can't accept a bursary then book holidays or turn up in a new car. It was also strongly hinted that if I was to inherit in future then I should consider making a donation.

@NoArmaniNoPunani how do they police that though? I am quite an anxious person so I would worry if I got a new lease on the car or booked a trip anywhere!