Would I be embarrassing myself to ask for a discount or would you try? (School fees)

[Inftsouthwest]

I’m in my 40s and me and my brother went a private school throughout, obviously many years ago. I also have some connections with the school as a couple of relatives (though now passed) used to work there.

Me and ex recently split and I have moved back to the area. Prior to split we were in a position to afford school fees with relative ease. Now we have split and with the added vat, it is going to be a struggle.

For context my take home pay is 4,500 and ex is 5,600.

I thought of going to the new headmaster and asking if he would honour some sort of discount for DD. Nothing major but perhaps even 10% or something.

Would I be completely embarrassing myself here? I know private school is a controversial topic but I absolutely adored school and feel strongly about the wider experiences young people have with private education. I know I can express this with passion, because it’s completely true for me that I really believe in the system.

We would probably send her regardless of a reduction but as above it would be hard.

No bursaries should be to enable children to attend the school whose parents couldn't otherwise afford to send them. Not to protect your family savings at someone else's expense.

But, you have as much right to look into it and ask the questions as anyone else.

It's probably not the way to go then. It's quite an invasive process. As it happens moving my son to state school has really benefited him and I wish I'd done it sooner.

I really believe in the system.

I really believe in supercars but if I can’t afford one, I can’t have one.

@BirthdayTrash but you could ask

Elite boarding school fees are £60k ie Eton.

Not normal private day schools.

They can apply for a bursary. I expect them to be told to increase their mortgage

Will your ex still be contributing towards fees? If not then it may be more realistic to get legal advice for a court order to ensure he contributes, rather than a bursary.

Otherwise could you release equity in the house or move to a cheaper property where you would be mortgage free?

No parent will be on minimum wage or anything close to that! Ask about scholarships, my dc gets 10% reduction on an art scholarship.

I’ve had DC at private school and worked in one. It is always worth speaking to school and explaining your situation. If, for example, you have a DD in a year group which is low on girls they may offer some kind of deal
to hang on to her to hopefully attract
more girls. I have seen this happen.

You won’t be treated as a single parent , they will want to look at your ex husbands finances as well .

Would they really expect you to increase the mortgage? I have around 100k left to pay

just not true. half that unless boarding

The fees are 25k a year

if this is a day school budget £1500 per month per adult.

you can afford it

you might get 10% off if especially gifted in music/drama/academic or sport.

consider carefully if more children are likely either you own or in a blended set up as this can cause all sorts of issues.

Check what the school offers in bursaries and scholarships instead.

Of course they would.

Bursaries are for DC who cannot afford the fees. Not middle class parents who could afford them, but arent keen on making the lifestyle sacrifices to do so.

Typically if on a bursary but seem to be affording luxuries like holidays/new cars they may choose to withdraw the bursary. Even if they say grandma paid for the holiday they'd argue grandma could have paid for the school fees.

I’m a governor at an independent school and you would be expected to release equity before getting a bursary award (which are harder to secure for new pupils since the VAT charges came in). Or have a pupil with exceptional skills, talent, potential.

You would need to undergo a pretty intense financial disclosure process too.

Being related to former teachers means nothing I’m afraid.

I used to work in a private school its definitely worth an enquiry, all I can say is I so wish I could have afforded to send my children there even with staff discount I wasn't able to afford it [non teaching job] but oh the opportunities they would have had there

Doesn’t sound like you’ll get a bursary. We earn less than you and have over £150k left on a £750k house and no bursary due to capital in property.

You do realise you have to resubmit the bursary paperwork every year? So you cannot fudge the numbers the first year and then keep it. If you suddenly go on a holiday or get a new car it’ll be taken away.

Our DC get 20% for scholarships as very academic and musical/sporty. Scholarships aren’t means tested.

Of course , why would you expect anybody to subsidise your child’s education whilst you sit on 0.5 mill equity in your house

So, fees of £25k a year, and the parents jointly take home £120k. Even with the VAT on top, this looks like between you and your ex, it's likely that finances could be arranged to continue making the fees affordable. Maybe it would mean making some changes, e.g. extend the term of a mortgage for lower monthly payments - you're in your 40s, so have a couple of decades before state pension age kicks in, which you could reasonably be expected to work for and so cover mortgage payments over that longer period. You could also re-mortgage for a higher amount to free up some capital. Perhaps you could swap the car for something more modest. I don't know you and your ex's outgoings, but you do, and perhaps you can find some changes you can make to free up the money to continue to cover school fees. It may not be without sacrifices, but the school would probably expect you to have made such changes to increase the affordability, before seeking a reduction on fees.

Could you apply for an academic scholarship? I'm planning for my kids to take the exams when applying for secondary school. If they get awarded a scholarship, i'll send them. I wouldn't want them poking their noses into my finances.

Yes, embarrassing.

It’s worth looking into whether you could apply for a bursary (although it doesn’t sound like you’d get anywhere, given your’s and your ex’s incomes and assets) but it would be downright cheeky to ask for any other kind of discount. You can afford it, you just don’t want to afford it.

Some schools will, yes.

And why shouldn't you? Other parents pay fees too often having less than you.

If you are only after a 10% discount, look at scholarships. Academic / music / sport / art / drama. These often come either small discounts and a bit of extra support in your scholarship area.