AIBU to resent my husband’s weight loss and his mum’s comments?

[Pipiscoming2023]

My DH started taking Mounjaro a few months ago and has lot 3 stone since then. He’s back to the weight he was in our 20s/when we got married.

I categorically don’t want to take medication to lose weight and work hard at the gym (at least 3x per week) and eat well. I’m strong but still a size 18, it’s slow progress but I’m okay with that.

Anyway, his mum is obsessed with our weight (I know it’s a her problem but I still find it hard to deal with the constant comments). So she’s has been heaping praise on her wonderful son for losing so much weight and asking me how often I go to the gym etc… clearly with the undertone of “why aren’t you losing the same?”

He doesn’t want to tell her he’s on the jabs. Fine, that’s down to him. But I’m starting to resent him for eating what he wants, not going to the gym and losing all this weight (and being praised incessantly for it) whereas I’m working hard and trying to make myself strong and healthy, and feel like I’m being judged and made to feel terrible.

She used to ask me straight up why I don’t lose weight until I asked her not to talk about my body.
Good on you. Comments about weight should not be made unless requested.
She now asks it in more indirect ways (like how often am I going to the gym).
Does she go to the gym? Ask her why she is so interested.

Your DH weight loss method didn't address why he put the weight on in the first place.

I think this is totally understandable. I’m not sure what the solution is. Could he perhaps ask his mum to stop talking about weight?

Perhaps not, but she's a better parent.

I was with you till you said tell her he’s on the jabs. No the op should not be sharing private medical information out of spite. Or for any reason at all, what the fuck kind of marriage is that, what next the husband can tell everyone about his wife’s piles and endo?

Yes, yabu to resent your DH for his weight loss, you should be happy for him in that regard. He needs to tell his mother to stop with the comments though.

Your MIL sounds really rude but I don't think you should be angry that your DH is losing weight in a different way than you.

It sounds like he has terrible willpower so I think jabs are a smart choice for him. If you are happy and capable to lose weight without medical help, good on you! It's not a competition though.

Ahem he is aware of the fact that if he does not change his eating as soon as he gets off the jab the weight will pile right back on right? I feel for you and I don't think I'd be able to hold my tongue next time my mil has a go:" isn't it unfair you don't seem to lose weight like my darling son is doing so effortlessly?" "Well the jab has been working very well for him but I prefer not to go that route. Also I'm concerned he's not eating healthy and will pile the weight back on when he stops maybe you could do talk to him about it?" 😁🤫

It’s not on at all for you to resent him. The issue is with his mother not him.
MJ is not a “magic bullet” and requires the person to place themselves into calorie deficit too.
i was overweight much of my adult life, and went to the gym, exercised etc. I have pcos and was always a losing battle. I was reffered 12 years ago for weight loss surgery, and at the time I felt like a total failure. But I’ve learnt over the years that it’s a tool for me to to use. I’ve met others along the way who have regained (some not all the weight as at the end of the day we cannot eat as much, but it’s still about the quality of nutrition and calories). If MJ had been around then I would have embraced that. I have been judged for “cheating” by so called friends (not friends anymore I hasten to add - don’t need people in my life who cannot be supportive).

when I was first reffered it was such a relief to hear from the surgeons and dieticians that my medical make up was a huge part of my obesity, which is why a gastric bypass could help, if I was willing to put in the work.
I am 10 years post op. I will never be skinny, but I was a size 24 and manage my weight at between a12-14. I will always be checking what I eat. But I did this for me, my health and being around a long time for my kids.

please don’t resent or poo poo your husbands choice to do something to support his health. It’s. It a magic bullet (nothing is), but we all need a helping hand sometimes. I would urge you to do research on glp1’s and not be judgemental for people who use them (or like me have had surgery). I wish they had been an option for me. The bypass is brilliant but I live with a lot of compromises (lifelong need to take supplements to prevent malabsorption, dumping syndrome etc), but wouldn’t change the journey I’ve been on. I am not sure I would still be alive had it not been for wls.

There’s some real confusion here over my comment that he eats what he wants. He’s still eating crap food just less of it because he’s fuller quicker. Some people (strangely) seem so angry over this so wanted to clear it up.

And yes we do still have ‘treats’, I’m not an almond mum by any means, but not a big fan of giving a 2 year old chocolate for breakfast usually.

Also for the people telling me to just go on the jabs, I don’t want to! Such a weird thing to try and push weight loss medication on other human beings…

Honestly, I’d tell dh to tell his mum to stop directly or indirectly commenting on your weight or you’ll have to tell her about the Mounjaro. Make it his problem.

Ignore his mother that her issue, you keep doing what you're doing and tell her to mind her business and stop commenting on your weight. Don't take it out on your husband its not his fault . If his mother knew the truth she'd probably be less complimentary knowing he hasnt put the same effort in as you.

If you read the post it’s obvious it’s not about the jabs or the DH

I’m a bit confused. I didn’t think the jabs made you lose weight; I thought they reduced your appetite so you ate less and that was how you lost weight.
Have I misunderstood?

I have read the posts thanks

Nah. His wife is trying to lose weight, and he brings in crap food just because? Why do that. I'd resent him, too.

Refuse to eat the food he tries to sabotage you with, OP. See your mother in law a lot less, and tell your husband you don't want to eat croissants, etc.

Then get over it. If you don’t like his mums comments tell her, you’re a grown up

but that’s not the issue is it. Or what he eats, as he’s clearly having occasional treats, as otherwise due to thr calorific content he’d be eating very little and barely able to function.

the issue here is you’re jealous and resentful he’s lost weight and you’re a size 18, don’t wish to take the drugs and unable to lose the weight. Thays the real issue.

Yes, she’s clearly over exaggerating due to her misery,

I'm probably a bitch but if that were me, next time she raises it I would say "The reason I'm not losing weight as fast as your son is because he's on the jabs and I'm not." He's effectively lying to her. It's not your responsibility to facilitate that.

He shuts his mum down immediately or you tell her he's been using the jab while you've been going to the gym. Do not let his family treat you like this! He's allowing it!

@Velvetandleather are you okay hun? 😂

He’s not lying to her, don’t be ridiculous, not telling people what medication you take is not lying, good god.

and you’d breach your own husbands privacy out of sheer spite ?

no wonder so many divorces. The op needs to tell her mil to shut it and then sort her own shit out.

My DH is on the jab. He's very careful with his diet. The weight is coming off slowly. He hasn't told anyone, including me. He's a big walker and does cycling. As pp said it won't stay off.

@Pipiscoming2023 you carry on and ignore MIL.

I’m way more ok than you, that’s clear, I did take the meds, down from an 18 to a 10, bmi 32 to a 20, work out most days, feel fantastic,

so yes, I’m very very ok. More than ok. It is you who is not.