AIBU to resent my husband’s weight loss and his mum’s comments?

[Pipiscoming2023]

My DH started taking Mounjaro a few months ago and has lot 3 stone since then. He’s back to the weight he was in our 20s/when we got married.

I categorically don’t want to take medication to lose weight and work hard at the gym (at least 3x per week) and eat well. I’m strong but still a size 18, it’s slow progress but I’m okay with that.

Anyway, his mum is obsessed with our weight (I know it’s a her problem but I still find it hard to deal with the constant comments). So she’s has been heaping praise on her wonderful son for losing so much weight and asking me how often I go to the gym etc… clearly with the undertone of “why aren’t you losing the same?”

He doesn’t want to tell her he’s on the jabs. Fine, that’s down to him. But I’m starting to resent him for eating what he wants, not going to the gym and losing all this weight (and being praised incessantly for it) whereas I’m working hard and trying to make myself strong and healthy, and feel like I’m being judged and made to feel terrible.

Good for you.❤️ Have you considered letting slip about your husbands jabs to MIL? In error 😳

There are two of us in my household on mounjaro, the cost is about £450 a month which seems a lot on he surface, but My food bill is cheaper, take away costs are down to only about £50-60 a month (family night is a monthly thing where we order takeaway for at least 4, sometimes 5 or 6 people) and it’s absolutely worth the cost. My BMI has come down from 52 to 30, my blood pressure from around 180/100 to 95/70, my Hba1c is down from bordering on diabetic, to completely normal, and the best part is I’m now able to be fitted for a prosthetic leg that i was told wasn’t possible at my highest weight.

Keep pushing to get yourself in the healthy weight range, good on hubby for losing the weight, but work together so you get healthy eating habits.

Anyone who loses a large amount of weight, especially relatively quickly, can have lose skin. There is nothing about MJ that causes skin to do that, it’s just what skin does when you lose a great deal of weight.

I don’t feel my opinion is more valid than anyone else’s. As my dad would say, ‘opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one’. Nor do I proclaim my opinion is right. I have spent years battling issues with food and the one thing that has stayed with me is that there’s a morality around weight that the medication can’t cure. I don’t think there should be but it’s interesting to see how ingrained it is. Even in me who should know better.

I lost seven stone a few years back. It was hard but there was no medical reason why I couldn’t do it naturally. I see so many people lying to online pharmacy’s in order to get the drugs when they could do it themselves. That is what doesn’t sit right with me. It’s not a need, it’s a want to be thinner (not healthier, thinner) and I feel that you should work a bit to earn that.

Personally even if I was at my starting point again I wouldn’t take them. That Doctor Who episode with the adipose scarred me for life as a child! I fully recognise that it may well be my thinking that’s flawed but when your life has focussed on weight and eating disorders for a huge portion of your life it’s hard to change.

I can't tell from this whether it's just people lying to online pharmacies you have an issue with? As obviously, a person at the lower end of obesity wouldn't have to lie because they would meet the prescription criteria.

For those who are obese, the difficulty with an argument about there being no medical reason why it can't be done naturally is that the evidence shows most formerly obese people are going to regain the weight. If you didn't, I am pleased for you and long may that continue, but on a population level the science is very clear. There are undoubted, not a matter of opinion risks to having any BMI of 30+ and the evidence we have is that everything other than ongoing WLI usage means most people will regain the weight. With all the risks that entails.

I don’t feel this is justification for ignorance. We can help it. Blaming your issues doesn’t change that, When you fully recognise you’re about to write something jealous, ignorant and judgemental, you can stop yourself. You chose not to.

obesity is not a moral issue. It’s a health issue. It is not an issue we have to punish ourselves to resolve. The journey is not the goal. Getting our health back, both physical and mental is. Ensuring our future health is.

focusing on fat people should suffer is utterly abhorrent and you should be ashamed.

The medication can be legitimately prescribed for people BMI 25+ now, so not many people would have to lie to get that. Though it's unfair to assume that those taking it haven't put in any work, many people go to the gym and try and eat well and are still overweight.

As someone using WLIs, I’m surprised that your husband is losing weight with no change at all to his diet. This simply defies physics. These drugs increase feelings of satiety and for some people, suppress appetite, but they don’t melt fat (alas). Although his diet sounds awful, he must be eating less overall. But that’s by the by. He is not sticking up for you versus your MIL and you need to have a serious talk about how to handle the situation. He should have your back.

I think it's people with your attitude that leads to unnecessary suffering for others who are convinced by such nebulous concepts as 'honour' that they should be ashamed for taking pain relief, having an epidural for childbirth, antidepressants, disease modulating antirheumatic drugs, biologics, medication for ADHD, starting a course of therapy following a traumatic event such as a miscarriage/bereavement or for thinking they should be able to access something like a chair, step free access or the use of a mobility vehicle/wheelchair as an ambulant user.

Honour in your argument = martyrdom. There is no virtue in suffering. There is no lack of virtue in anybody using whatever legal, officially sanctioned means they need in order to achieve a goal related to their body.

It's also moot at this point because given the newness and cost of the jabs, people who meet the prescription criteria are going to have tried and failed traditional methods anyway. The issue of people not putting in any hard work, stupid as the argument is, doesn't even exist yet. We're a few years away.

The OP hasn't said his diet hasn't changed, she's said he's not making any effort with his diet, that he's still eating junk and eating what he wants. The drugs have just made him want less of it. That isn't unusual on mounjaro, not everyone gets gastro side effects from eating an unhealthy diet on them.

Fat doesn't make you fat. Can't believe there are people out there who still believes this nonsense

@OhItsRaining

There are posters on this thread acting holier than thou because they slimed down from an 18 to a 10 using them with the context they are better than the op. I’m sorry but you were likely overweight for years and unable to shift it through diet and exercise. It’s easy to preach when you’ve effectively taken a short cut. I know people take them alongside exercise and healthy eating but that is so much easier to do when you’re not feeling hunger in the way our bodies are designed to.

This exactly. People say it's not 'cheating' using weight loss injections to lose weight, and it's no different to losing weight without the injections. But IMO, it's like saying you've done the London marathon, when you did 21 of the 26 miles in your car.

@UniquePinkSwan the poster you're quoting is taking a medication that will cause her unpleasant side effects if she eats high fat food, and avoiding it has allowed her to lose weight.
Fat is high in calories, is easy to over eat (especially things like butter, mayo and oil) and not watching it can easily add up to enough excess calories to put on weight. That doesn't mean it's the only thing that can make you fat, or that we should go back to the artificially low fat foods of the 80s and 90s.

But why would you consider weight loss a competition in the first place? Being skinny isn't a prize to be won, or a indication of anything - some people naturally are slim and have small appetites, you don't expect them to go round declaring that and apologising they haven't had to use as much willpower as the next person.

Yes, the thing with the London Marathon is that you sign up voluntarily and agree to observe some rules as part of that. They're in charge of what constitutes completing the Marathon and of cheating in it.

Whereas that isn't the case with weight loss. The reason some people struggle with this is because they think they're important enough to set rules that others ought to adhere to.

I didn't say weight loss was a competition. What I said was a COMPARISON.

I compared taking weight loss injections to lose weight - to doing 21 miles of the 26 in the London Marathon in your car.

They are both cheating.

Pretty obvious what I meant.

/

@BatchCookBabe , I compared taking weight loss injections to lose weight - to doing 21 miles of the 26 in the London Marathon in your car. That isn't a valid comparison.

How is it cheating if there's no competition though? A marathon is a sport. It's an endurance test and a test of skill and hard work. Weight loss isn't.

You're also implying that weight loss is a level playing field. If someone has a natural drive to eat that I don't have, insulin resistance, and a brain that gives them a higher dopamine kick for food, then they might use weight loss jabs and still have to put in more effort than I would have to, to get to or maintain a particular weight. Slim people aren't all slim because they are 'working harder' then anyone bigger than them, that's daft.

The marathon is a competition, so if you dont think weight loss is actually a competition that's one more reason the two do not compare.

It does have an agreed set of rules and people who everyone agrees are in charge of what those rules are though. Who do you think does that for weight loss?

How’s it a comparison in any way, the marathon is about the achievement , weight loss is not. It is about getting healthy. It is also not a competition. The marathon is about competing with others running the same race, weight loss is not, it is not a competition,

i feel very sad for you that you think weight loss is about the journey and I assume a competition with other women to be slim.

its not.

Mounjaro gives many people stomach upsets and the runs if they eat fat. And yes. Fat does make you fat.

What bullshit. I’ve lost almost 10st on MJ and i promise you there absolutely does need to be effort, Particularly as a woman and particularly to retain muscle mass. you need to eat protein. I can’t remember the last time i ate cheese or a packet of crisps. i eat better and my portions are smaller. It DOES require effort, particularly if you want to keep it off.

Well I think if you tolerate the nausea, stomach upsets your blooming heroes. I had enough of that through two pregnancies I couldn't do it again.

I've had my gallbladder out. Can't tolerate fatty foods and oddly peanuts. I'm okay without fatty foods.