AIBU to resent my husband’s weight loss and his mum’s comments?

[Pipiscoming2023]

My DH started taking Mounjaro a few months ago and has lot 3 stone since then. He’s back to the weight he was in our 20s/when we got married.

I categorically don’t want to take medication to lose weight and work hard at the gym (at least 3x per week) and eat well. I’m strong but still a size 18, it’s slow progress but I’m okay with that.

Anyway, his mum is obsessed with our weight (I know it’s a her problem but I still find it hard to deal with the constant comments). So she’s has been heaping praise on her wonderful son for losing so much weight and asking me how often I go to the gym etc… clearly with the undertone of “why aren’t you losing the same?”

He doesn’t want to tell her he’s on the jabs. Fine, that’s down to him. But I’m starting to resent him for eating what he wants, not going to the gym and losing all this weight (and being praised incessantly for it) whereas I’m working hard and trying to make myself strong and healthy, and feel like I’m being judged and made to feel terrible.

My mum is generally lovely and I still wouldn’t tell her if I took them. She wouldn’t approve and she wouldn’t be able to stop herself commenting on it.

Set a boundary with him.

Either he tells his Mum to drop it.

Or you tell his Mum how he lost the weight.

One or the other. He can’t have both.

I’d be seeing anyone who continually commented on my weight a lot less though.

He's not telling his mum to knock it off?
If he isnt putting her in her place then you owe him nothing re his wli secret so you should tell his mum that while you dont have a problem with anyone using the jabs to help them, its not what you want to do so yes, its taking longer but you are happy with it and she needs to stop with the not so subtle comments because she's fooling nobody.

You should accidentally on purpose let it slip 😂😂😂
That will shut his mum up and hopefully make your husband a bit embarrassed about how his mum is being snide to u x

What and his body defies science and the weight melts off.

look you’re clearly jealous of his weight loss. Which is the real issue here. So either go on a proper diet or accept your weight. I am not sure I beleive you’re with your mil so often that you’re constantly bombarded with this.

you are obviously unhappy with your weight. And your husbands weight loss has amplified that for you. Instead of being jealous and resentful either accept your weight or manage it.

he doesn’t need to tell anyone about his medication, it’s private, just like if you were taking meds and didn’t wish people to know. And you are not in competition with him.

People can have a very odd view of size 16/18. I'm 5'10" and lost six stone to become a 16. A fourteen makes me look very thin as I have a huge bust and no leg fat. Are you happy with your progress? I didn't take the jabs ( I tried, made me very ill) but you know what I'd tell your mil her golden boy takes the jabs next time she says anything. What if you were away and he was taken ill? I was blue lighted. He's nuts not to have shared this knowledge with direct family.
Is your mil a diet queen? I know of at least two 70+ women with eating disorders and it's shocking. Both of them take their phobias out on their daughters.

His relationship with her is between them, and yours with her is between you.

Leave him out of it and just tell her directly that you don't want to discuss your weight loss with her, and then just don't get baited into it when she tries. No silly pass agg with veiled references to jabs or meaningful looks that nobody cares about. Just be honest and direct about the stuff that concerns you.

As a wise woman once said, shake it off. You know why he's having faster results than you - he's a man and he's on the jabs. Your MIL's ignorance in all respects doesn't matter.

I don't get how she doesn't realise he's on the jabs! If I see someone whose lost a lot of weight over a short space of time despite being overweight for the time I've known them, I just assume they are. I would never ask, judge, or give it more than an initial thought. But I can't be the only one who does this? In fact experience IRL tells me I know I'm definitely not.

OP I'm not sure what I think really but I do know I'd be annoyed by both of them in your situation...regardless of whether its unreasonable. And personally if I was him I could never sit there knowing the truth while she made these comments to you...even if it's not his fault.

I wouldn't (I hope) but I might threaten to if he doesn't tell her to leave you alone

@Pipiscoming2023 So basically he isn't making the right changes to his diet, and he will have to take mounjaro for life or get fat again as soon as he stops.

But you are doing the right thing...

But it's not fair he hasn't told his mum so clearly he knows he is cheating but then lapping up the praise.

I suggest telling him to confess to how he is losing the weight its not fair on you who is trying to make healthy lifestyle changes instead.

Your DH should stop sabotaging your efforts by ordering pizzas etc. No one can resist that sort of food. Especially when working out. His long term prospects for maintenance don’t look promising.

I agree with this. Next time she asks about the gym just ask her why she has such an obsession over what someone else is doing. After that I'd be tempted to say it's none of your business.

Surely he’s not “eating what he wants”. Fat jabs don’t increase your metabolism, just reduce hunger. Eating food makes him gain weight just like it did before. He must’ve lost weight because he’s eating less now.

You made a choice, he made a choice, let him be. The problem is not your husband but your toxic MIL

Just say to her 'How do you think he's lost weight without changing his diet or doing any exercise?' and leave her to ponder the answer.

I'd be annoyed with him for not admitting it tbh. But I guess it's up to him really so maybe that's a bit harsh.

He really should be telling her that neither of you want to hear her gassing on about weight constantly.

Insist that he asks his mother to cease talking about his weight. He needs to tell her straight that he has had enough comments about his body from her.

Who in their right mind comments on people's bodies continually?

I agree with this.

It’s his mum that is the issue.

Although he needs to tell her to shut up or not invite her around.

I used to have an ED and these types of comments would have seriously impacted me.

How often do you see her? Can you avoid her?

Have you told DH how you’re feeling?

Obviously the injections will be helping but men do lose weight much quicker than women without seemingly trying and so even if your DH wasn’t on the jabs and just eating slightly less the weight would still drop off him initially.

His medical information is no concern of his mother’s. Your GP is informed if you are on WLI and I very much doubt people tell their mothers every other medication they could be on such as antidepressants, viagra, prep etc.

Me too. I just assume that is the case with a big drop.

She resents him because his mother thinks he is wonderful for losing weight and criticising her for not losing weight . While at the same time he is not being honest about he help he is getting to lose weight.
I would also be resentful. My mother in law was similarly obsessed by weight everytime we met there was a comment about weight, If eating something nice it was always you will regret that later, or after a smallish lunch she would make an announcement that she was full and wouldn't eat anything else at all all day! it's wearing.
Sorry I can't advise other than try and ignore her .
Even if she knew her son was having the WLI I think she would be the same. Or even worse because she would probably keep suggesting you go on them too

I can relate but from another perspective.

I have a mother who talks about weight constantly. It's her Special Topic. I've told her to stop and especially in front of my DC.

I became obese a few years ago when I was undergoing cancer treatment. I recovered and worked hard on becoming fit again. Like you now, I became strong, fit but was still a size 16-18. I run races and other fitness events. I'm always one of the big people there. After many discussions with my medical team I've gone onto a low dose of the jabs. And like magic the weight is coming off.

I feel weird about it like your husband. Because I felt sick for the first few weeks I couldn't exercise as much as I did and even now it's less than it was. Yet the compliments about my toned body, great sharp, looking fit, looking strong keep coming now. It's all paying off now apparently.

My family know I'm on the jabs and a couple of friends. But I hate all the comments. At meal times "oh can you still eat that... Do you get hungry etc?" My mother is a ridiculously competitive under eater. I was driving us to a family gathering last week and wanted to stop after two hours for a break. She was so shocked that I said I needed food. I hadn't eaten in six hours.

I've probably gone about it the wrong way in that I've hidden behind my DC with the no weight talk or food stuff. I bark "stop" and nod towards them and she closes her mouth resentfully. But when they aren't there it's a free for all.

I don't have a solution for you. Maybe try to reframe it in your head and tell her about your gym sessions and what you do there. Suggest she start lifting weights to protect her bones.

Sorry if this is something you have already tried but it might be worth asking DH and ask him to have a word with his mother and ask her not to talk about weight loss with either of you. He could let her know that men and women lose weight differently (which is true do to the damage diet culture does more often to women) and it's just not something either of you want to discuss.

It would be in his best interests too to be honest as if he is using the jabs in the way you describe there is a good chance it will backfire long term.

I can see why you resent your husband: he’s refusing to tell his Mum whilst you’ve had years of body shaming from her and he won’t step up to tell her about his short cut whilst you are doing it the non drug way. As a result, you’re getting more shaming from her and he’s letting you so he doesn’t get judgement from her and gets to bask in the compliments. It’s a bit weak of character from him.

Prime example of his behaviour re eating literally just now. He’d gone out to the shop to get nappies, and while he was out my daughter and I had fruit and yogurt for breakfast (he said to eat without him). He came back with chocolate croissants and twists for everyone, including my 2 year old daughter who just doesn’t need that crap for breakfast.

So yeah I am a bit resentful when he’s still eating junk, not looking after his body, and then taking all the praise as if I’m just the fat one at home gorging on takeaways and not exercising or whatever.

Anyway, thanks to those with good advice. I do try and limit my contact with her but unfortunately it’s not possible all of the time.

Everyone who’s on the jabs has a certain look about them at some point. So if you have extended family or friends that see your husband and your MIL it may be pointed out to her that he’s been on them anyway and saving you being the arse who’s grassed her husband up to his mum.

in regards to MIL and you.. tell her your happy going at your own pace.

No they don't 🙄