AIBU to resent my husband’s weight loss and his mum’s comments?

[Pipiscoming2023]

My DH started taking Mounjaro a few months ago and has lot 3 stone since then. He’s back to the weight he was in our 20s/when we got married.

I categorically don’t want to take medication to lose weight and work hard at the gym (at least 3x per week) and eat well. I’m strong but still a size 18, it’s slow progress but I’m okay with that.

Anyway, his mum is obsessed with our weight (I know it’s a her problem but I still find it hard to deal with the constant comments). So she’s has been heaping praise on her wonderful son for losing so much weight and asking me how often I go to the gym etc… clearly with the undertone of “why aren’t you losing the same?”

He doesn’t want to tell her he’s on the jabs. Fine, that’s down to him. But I’m starting to resent him for eating what he wants, not going to the gym and losing all this weight (and being praised incessantly for it) whereas I’m working hard and trying to make myself strong and healthy, and feel like I’m being judged and made to feel terrible.

The gym is, at best, a small contributor to weight loss -- though it has lots of other benefits.

80-90% of weight loss is going to be what you eat.

This. All day long. He’s a pathetic mummy’s boy and it would give me the ick. I think I’d also be telling MiL in no uncertain terms that my weight is none of her business and in future she can keep her jibes to herself.

So dh is basking in praise when it's mj that's done the work for him ?I'd be letting slip..

It's a side issue, but this is not an uncommon behaviour in people who lose a significant amount of weight: feeding up other people on crap. At its most extreme, it can manifest as a person with anorexia cooking lots of rich meals for others. It's definitely a thing.

You should definitely tell him to stop it because it's not helpful to you or healthy for your child (he knows this but hearing it from you might stop it). As for the MIL, tell her your weight is not up for discussion. He doesn't have to tell her about the jabs if he doesn't want to, and you don't have to tell her about your weight loss either.

Definitely on the just tell her side. Congratulations on your weight loss.

I think you need to start being more direct with her,

I don't want to talk about my weight or the gym

Or turn it back round

When did you last go to the gym Maureen?

this makes no sense, it is physically impossible to lose weight unless in a Defecit. The injections don’t change this. As such if he’s eating this shit he must be eating very little of it and very little else. So you’re not telling the full story. It is not humanly possible whay you’re saying. Which makes me think this isn’t your mil is constantly on at you, you may have had the odd comment, this is about your jealous.

OP is under no professional obligation not to tell his mum he’s on WLI. And from what OP has said, his only sensitivity to the subject of weight is to be so insensitive as to bring home fattening treats when he knows OP is trying hard to lose the weight in a way that he’s too lazy to engage with.

He’s revelling in the praise from his mummy even though he knows it’s unwarranted, while at the same time allowing her to disrespect his wife. The answer is simple. Either he tells his mother to back off or fesses up that he’s on WLI - or OP will out him.

I don't think that Op should be telling her MIL about her dh's medication. He doesn't want her to know, and Op needs to respect that.

Op's DH must be in a calorie deficit or he wouldn't be losing weight. It doesn't seem as if he's making the healthiest choices about what he's eating but that's his decision.

MIL in general should be told to mind her own business by Op.

He's allowing you to be insulted, that's not right. Tell him he either tells her the truth, or you will. Tell him you can't guarantee you won't reach breaking point with her insults and questioning that you won't tell her anyway.

WLI slow down digestion so you feel fuller for longer. It’s very possible that OP is just clocking that he’s still eating the same as before, without realising he’s eating much less of it.

Do you manage not to eat the croissants he brings home? It’s a bit mean of him bringing tempting stuff in @Pipiscoming2023 - I’d definitely tell him it’s not fair that she thinks you’re not trying while she thinks he’s ‘golden boy’ and he needs to either tell her the truth, or tell her to lay off with the comments about you. I’d be making sure she accidentally sees his jabs at some point 😬

Tell MIL that your body and weight is the square root of fuck all to do with her……

I’d have to tell her to shut her the F up!

It certainly is possible - he's eating what he wants, taste wise, but the mounjaro stops him wanting to eat as much as usual. So he's in a deficit and losing weight but not making any effort to be healthy or to build habits for the future if he were to come off the meds.

Well done you 🙂 I’ve lost six stone too, using calorie deficit. Also 5’10”. The leg thing is hilarious. Mine are like sticks and my arse is good. What won’t go is the lumpy bits around my tummy. Leggings are size 16-18, tops still need to be 22. I’m looking to buy jeans this winter, but no idea how I’ll get any to fit!

“Hey MIL, when you comment on my weight, I feel very uncomfortable and frustrated. Please stop commenting - I am doing my best by going to the gym regularly and I have changed my diet.”

Yes but she needs to clarify that, as she’s posting like th4 man is gorging on junk. Her own husband, how fucked uo about weight do you need to be, to be so utterly jealous and resentful of your own husband.

What and she’s what some sad little woman who has no personal responsibility. She can tell his mother to fuck off . She can avoid the junk food, she’s a grown ass woman. She doesn’t need him to do it whilst she sits simpering in the corner eating chocolate croissants as it’s his fault he bought them for him and the kids,

Op, your own thread title says you’re resentful of his weight loss. But you also explain you don’t wish to use the meds. To not be losing weight you need to be eating to maintenance. No matter how healthy and thay maintenance level will be much higher at a size 18 than it would a 12 or 14.

you are responsible for you. You are not some pathetic little woman posters are making you out to be, who needs their husband to not eat as he wishes and have a word with his mum for you as you can’t do such a thing.

either go on a diet, or go on a diet with the drugs, or accept your weight, and if you don’t like his mothers comments, bloody tell her.

can I ask though, what is your objection to the drugs, why are you doing this to yourself,

The jabs work by reducing your appetite, so it doesn't make sense that he's eating crap, not exercising and still losing weight - unless he's bulimic or something similar.

YABU and a martyr. You are not morally better than him for "working hard".

@Velvetandleather he shouldn't be feeding the children in the way that made him and his wife obese. I've seen it across my SM, the parents overfeed their children then get a gastric band. Years later the children are still trying to undo what their parents did to them. Now it's the WLI. Parents like the OP's DH are causing health and eating issues in their children and like addicts passed on their issues, so is he. Drugs to stop addictions isn't the way to go. The whole family could be eating properly and making sure they move enough. The OP's DH is going to get obese again, or be on drugs for the rest of his life. Meanwhile he'll lose muscle and be having other health problems.

I ended up losing 15st after having a gastric bypass. However, there is no magic wand - Even surgery is just a tool to help you and it's hard work. The same for taking jabs. What I will say - You can't outrun a bad diet. Going to the gym will not make you lose weight, but it will tone you up, turn fat to muscle, help you lose -some- weight. If your diet is still poor, then you're going to remain a size 18. I've been here and still am here. I have another 5 stone to go.

Stop cutting your nose off to spite your face. Take the jabs! But you need to change your eating behaviours while on the jabs because once you stop them...it'll all go back on if those behaviours are still there. Surgery/jabs are tools to help you change your lifestyle. Use them, get the weight off, mentally change your behaviour. Otherwise, no amount of hours at the gym is going to help you.

Stop engaging with your MIL. Silence is the best response. She's toxic. Tell her your husband is taking the jabs and leave it at that. Give hubby an ultimatum, he tells her or you will.

I'll say it again as a diabetic in remission who once hit 30 stone - You cannot outrun a bad diet.

I have no idea how he is eating whatever he wants still. I could eat whatever I wanted but I'd loose no weight and possibly have the shits as well. I thought it just suppressed your hunger and slowed food transit? How does this work? Is he literally eating the same and the jabs are melting his fat?

Or he still eating a varied diet? I had chocolate and KFC on sliming world and lost 3 stone. But I wasn't eating my normal diet or as much junk food overall.

Ie what am i doing wrong as I have to get calories below 1000 a day on adverage for the week to loose weight on injections. My fat is not melting off.