AIBU to resent my husband’s weight loss and his mum’s comments?

[Pipiscoming2023]

My DH started taking Mounjaro a few months ago and has lot 3 stone since then. He’s back to the weight he was in our 20s/when we got married.

I categorically don’t want to take medication to lose weight and work hard at the gym (at least 3x per week) and eat well. I’m strong but still a size 18, it’s slow progress but I’m okay with that.

Anyway, his mum is obsessed with our weight (I know it’s a her problem but I still find it hard to deal with the constant comments). So she’s has been heaping praise on her wonderful son for losing so much weight and asking me how often I go to the gym etc… clearly with the undertone of “why aren’t you losing the same?”

He doesn’t want to tell her he’s on the jabs. Fine, that’s down to him. But I’m starting to resent him for eating what he wants, not going to the gym and losing all this weight (and being praised incessantly for it) whereas I’m working hard and trying to make myself strong and healthy, and feel like I’m being judged and made to feel terrible.

He needs to back you in front of his mum and tell her to stop with all the questions,

If he just watches and says nothing, either go low contact with his mum or ask him why he wants to lap up praise from his mum and yet he’s fine with you being body shamed by her.

“Chris tell your mum to stop talking about my weight by asking questions like how many times do I go to the gym, otherwise I’ll be telling her about your jabs”.

Also ask him to be respectful of your efforts by not bringing home food that like the croissants. Frankly he’ll be putting all the weight back on as soon as he stops the jabs if he hasn’t changed to healthier eating habits.

You’re a little bit judgy pants like MiL too aren’t you? He brought you guys treats on a Saturday morning, let it go.

Right?! That ‘look’… could it be… thinner?

Of course it’s ‘fair’. He hasn’t told his mum he’s on the jabs, so clearly OP can’t either. His mum obviously thinks they’re both dieting and exercising in the same way, and is judging OP for not losing as much weight as her marvellous son and is heaping praise on him while side eyeing OP. Meanwhile he’s enjoying the praise from mummy so much, he doesn’t care about the shitty way his mother is treating his wife.

OP you have both a DH and a MiL problem. The latter is meddling, judgemental and overly invested in your business, and the former is enabling it at your expense. The next tome she comments l’d be making it very clear that his weight loss is entirely down to WLI.

I think you’re getting a hard time from MIL and some people in the comments.

I would tell her your husband is on Mounjaro and still eating shit, whereas you are not

Your MIL is rude and your husband isn’t much better.
Would she really be so impressed with his weight loss if she knew it was down to WLI? He’s wrong to accept the praise whilst you’re being criticised.

He bought fattening and unhealthy treats when he knows his wife is dieting and eating healthily. That’s a really horrible thing to do - he’s either rubbing her nose in it, or worse, trying to derail her diet. Is the misogyny lost on you ? And children can do without chocolate for breakfast, which is essentially what he’s giving them.

I would ask your husband to have a word with her and tell her stop discussing weight loss , gym etc at all

if he won’t I would. I would tell her you visit the gym, you eat healthily and are happy with what’s happening to your body, that you are sick of her constant focus on weight loss and there are to be no more comments

when she starts again, and she will I would simply tell her he is in the jabs and you don’t want a quick fix or to have to have the jabs for the rest of your life to maintain loss and walk away

She is way too comfortable disrespecting you in front of your husband. He should be putting her in her place and telling her not to talk about you like that. I would tell him he better step up or his secret's out.

I think his mum would just wonder why the OP isn't on them.

I am fairly disgusted at the number of posters encouraging OP to disclose private medical matters to MIL. Would you all be happy then for your partners to disclose personal details / medical history to your family that you did not want to disclose?

Weight and weight loss is an extremely sensitive subject for some people, especially where they have grown up in an environment where weight gain and food are seen as shameful / disgusting / unacceptable, and as a result have a very difficult relationship with food, weight and often themselves.

Whether we like it or not, there is a lot of societal stigma to obesity and WLI. You just need to look at weight and WLI-related threads on mumsnet to see that.

Those are all reasons why people are less transparent about taking WLI.

That being said OP, your MILES behaviour is unacceptable. You need to be sitting down with her and your husband and telling her, on no uncertain terms, that she needs to back-off on all weight-related comments including the unsubtle questions / comments. Your husband needs to back you up on this, especially as you have young children who you won't want growing up with warped views on food and body. If she fails to do this, then you need to pull back - stop seeing her. It is not good for your own mental health.

This is half true...I've lost 7 stone on the jabs and honestly just ate a lot less of what I ate before. I really haven't dramatically changed my diet. I wasn't eating a lot of bad stuff though just too much food in general and alcohol.

I'd be telling him to have a word with his mum or that I'll tell her he's using jabs.

I've had the same issue. DH started jabs end of 2024. Spent time in hospital in February 2025 as he increased dose too quickly. Ruined family events over the next 3 or 4 weeks with being unable to eat/drink/leave the house. He claimed to be ill so his mum gave me a hard time for not looking after him properly (I was ) when it was completely self inflicted - happened twice, first time I was sympathetic second was fuming.

12 months later and 6 or 7 stone lighter he's still claiming it's diet and exercise to everyone, he has now changed his diet massively and does exercise but I see the sly looks and hear the comments about how I'm not losing considering we eat the same and why don't I join him for runs and gym sessions.

I have since started the jabs as menopause isn't helping weight loss and about 2 stone lighter and feels healthier. MIL praises how he looks and how lucky I am to have married a man who looks after himself so well.

Keep exercising and being healthy but if you want to lose weight don't just write off the jabs if they could help.

Of course she can praise him- she’s his mum! 🤦‍♀️

Can you just say ‘ I’m working on my overall health, but find it’s really boring to talk about. How’s your garden/ cat/ bunion?’

Your husband is being silly for eating whatever he wants

I would throw him straight under the bus and tell his mother he’s taking the jabs.

’Thing is Susan, whilst I go to the gym and try my best to eat healthily, Chris has just paid a few hundred quid to take the jabs and lost three stone. Still eats crap mind you. He didn’t want me to tell you though because he loves basking in all your praise whilst i’m still treated like Mr Blobby. So what’s more likely to get you off my back Susan? Shall I take the jabs to shift a few stone or shall I keep slogging away at the gym and eating well? Tricky isn’t it?

From what you've described, i wonder if your mil knowing he's losing weight via jabs would make much difference. It's sounds like she judges people for being overweight, regardless.

If someone kept asking about my gym visits I'd take great pleasure in telling them all about my progress. There must be other positive outcomes, not just weight loss?

My DH is on Mounjaro for weight loss and type 2 diabetes, and was significantly overweight at the start. He hasn’t changed his diet significantly, except for restricting certain fats because they cause stomach upset. I have to say he didn’t eat rubbish, just ate too much. Mounjaro has reduced his appetite, so he eats his usual diet but less of it, so the weight is coming off.

I agree WLI are not a magic wand, but they do make things considerably easier if you utilise them properly. OP’s perception is that he’s still eating unhealthily, which may be true, but it may not have registered that he’s eating less and is still in calorie deficit as a result.

But you don't have to eat it. And the language you're using isn't going to help anybody any more than framing medication as a magic potion when he still has to eat less overall in order to lose weight.

It's none of anybody else's business what medication he has been prescribed. The vast majority of pharmacies automatically notify the GP as part of their conditions, so the NHS will be able to see that if there is an emergency admission, but he didn't even have to tell you about it if he didn't want to.

I am fairly disgusted at the number of posters encouraging OP to disclose private medical matters to MIL. Would you all be happy then for your partners to disclose personal details / medical history to your family that you did not want to disclose?

I totally agree. I would be absolutely furious in his position if OP did that. It would destroy any trust in the relationship forever.

I really wouldn't worry. If he's genuinely not changing his diet then as soon as he comes off the jabs he'll put the weight back on!

I tell people I'm on the jabs even if they don't ask. That's because I think they're a really sensible choice for many of us. Yes, they can have side effects, but not nearly as many side effects as obesity. I've been able to stop blood pressure tablets since losing the weight, and my exercise capacity is hugely improved. I realised that my attempts to lose weight were inadequate and that actually that was unlikely to change because I'm human. It would be great if he could see the jabs as something not to be ashamed of, and just tell his mum. (And I've personally found Wegovy gentler than Mounjaro, but still effective).

“Well Barbara, I decided I didn’t want to have the fat jabs but instead work slowly at getting any excess weight I have off my body. I am eating well and doing exercise but you will appreciate it isn’t quick progress.

Why you have to comment on my body and weight all of the time is odd though, maybe you’re comparing my weight to Dave’s?

Like I said earlier, I am NOT on the fat jabs, whereas Dave…”

And yes I would tell Dave’s secret fat jab story to his mum as he’s doing nothing to stop her being on at his wife about her weight.

If he carries on eating like that, he'll either have to stay on mounjaro forever or accept that the weight will come back on as soon as he's off the drug.

I'd resent him for spending all that money/the NHS's money depending on whose paying, and not using it to support a health reset. He's a twat.

So's your mil.

I lost weight a lot of weight on mounjaro, and I'm maintaining my weight now by eating exactly the same as I did on mounjaro in the week, and what I want at the weekend (though no snacks - just calorific meals and booze). It's hard work, but I'm determined not to have wasted the money and the opportunity.

He's wasting his time doing what he's doing now.

This is really not the point though is it ? For two reasons. Firstly, he brought fattening treats home despite knowing OP is actively trying her best to lose weight. No, she doesn’t have to eat them, but that doesn’t change the fact that it was a very unkind act. And the last thing his children need is chocolate for breakfast - he’s teaching them his own unhealthy attitude to food.

Secondly, he’s watching OP take unfair flak from his mother, because she’s under the impression that they’re both dieting and exercising and is judging OP for not losing weight at the same pace. He knows he has an unfair advantage, but he’s loving the praise from mummy. Which is utterly pathetic.

And WLI have side effects. Some of them significant. If my DH started to use them without telling me, l would be reconsidering the relationship to be honest.