AIBU to resent my husband’s weight loss and his mum’s comments?

[Pipiscoming2023]

My DH started taking Mounjaro a few months ago and has lot 3 stone since then. He’s back to the weight he was in our 20s/when we got married.

I categorically don’t want to take medication to lose weight and work hard at the gym (at least 3x per week) and eat well. I’m strong but still a size 18, it’s slow progress but I’m okay with that.

Anyway, his mum is obsessed with our weight (I know it’s a her problem but I still find it hard to deal with the constant comments). So she’s has been heaping praise on her wonderful son for losing so much weight and asking me how often I go to the gym etc… clearly with the undertone of “why aren’t you losing the same?”

He doesn’t want to tell her he’s on the jabs. Fine, that’s down to him. But I’m starting to resent him for eating what he wants, not going to the gym and losing all this weight (and being praised incessantly for it) whereas I’m working hard and trying to make myself strong and healthy, and feel like I’m being judged and made to feel terrible.

Ermmm....no. They are absolutely a wonderful drug. An apron of loose skin is infinitely better than obesity. Any person who loses lot of weight is potentially going to have gall bladder problems - this is not a result of WLIs. And the pancreas? No, just plain wrong. These drugs are very much used in the treatment of type 2 diabetes.

The weight is not important, it’s having a strong, healthy body that you can maintain and which will see you through to old age … doesn’t sound like DH is going to have the same the rate he’s going!

Tell him he either reins his mother in, or you're telling her he's spent a fortune on the jabs.

You've probably got a lot more muscle than he does. Something you'll be thankful for in your advancing years. They're not the miracle people think they are unless they put the work in to maintain their muscle.

That lots of people want to stay on it doesn't mean that lots of people do stay on it. And the WLI threads have plenty of people on them who have shared that they have completely plateaued after a couple of years (though they may stay on it for other reasons unrelated to weight loss)

It’s not down to OP to tell her MiL to get stuffed and mind her own business. It’s down to her DH to support her, and he’s not. He’s more interested in compliments from his mummy than stepping up and stopping the jibes, even though they know they’re not warranted, and he’s not worthy of the praise. He’s also disrespecting OP’s own weight loss efforts by bringing fatty food treats home when he knows she’s dieting, and passing on his own crap attitude to food to his kids in the process. That’s just nasty, and no child needs chocolate for breakfast. She doesn’t just have a Mil problem, sounds like she has a mummy’s boy for a DH.

He’s lying by omission. He knows his wife is working much harder than he is to lose the weight, but he still allows his mother to criticise OP lagging behind, on the basis that they are both doing it naturally. What’s that if not a lie ?

To be clear, do you think lots of people don't stay on it? Because unless you're disputing that there's a range of possibilities here and we don't have any indication about DHs intentions, it's not obvious how you think it helps your point.

Additionally, there's nothing to suggest OPs DH will still have weight to lose at two years. He may very well not, unless he was very obese in his 20s. I hit my plateau at 9 months, it's called maintenance at a healthy BMI.

We all went NC with ours. Husbands backed us up. She left everything to the canny couple who got the contents of her home. The RSPCA got the rest. None of us cared. We did give her a decent funeral. The main song was Frank Sinatra "I did it my way" which she certainly did.

My best friend lost a total of nine stones on Mounjaro, a the age of 60. She exercised constantly throughout the weight loss journey and looks about ten years younger because of that, and taking care of her skin while she lost the weight.

WLI don’t attack the gallbladder at all. Rapid weight loss has long been known to cause gallstones however you lose the weight - the main factors apart from the weight loss are being female and over forty. It’s not the WLI that cause the gallstones it’s weight loss itself. And my DH has been prescribed Mounjaro for type 2 diabetes in conjunction with weight loss. If WLI attack the pancreas, as you stated here, why on earth would they prescribe it for a condition that affects the pancreas itself ?

I gained weight when I went vegan…

It's not a lie. It just isn't. He doesn't have any obligation to share private medical information with anyone, particularly not with a person whose behaviour indicates that she has hugely damaging attitudes to weight and diet.

The problem here is with MIL. DH 100% needs to tell her to shut the fuck up, but that would be the case regardless of whether he'd lost any weight, whether OP were on the jabs too or really any other permutation. Because it's unhealthy and nosey, and they have children who deserve not to be exposed to this as they get older and perhaps even develops an obsession with their weight too.

I'm saying that theres no guarantees and lots of barriers to staying on it, so it's weird to think that he can just continue as he is without issue.
Naturally when it's working most people will want to stay on it. For some people it stops working. For many people the ongoing cost becomes a problem. Some people have issues getting it prescribed for maintenance, esp if their BMI keeps reducing. Whilst there are some niche maintenance specific clinics/private GPs they can turn to, those are much much more expensive than the big providers.

My point is that if he ends up stopping at any point, or if it stops working for him, he won't have any other tools for losing weight.

I agree It’s absolutely his choice not to engage with traditional methods of weight loss, which is how OP is doing it, but his mother is clearly under the impression that they are doing it together and comparing OP’s weight loss unfavourably with his own. So he’s allowing his mother to believe something that isn’t true, based on what he’s telling her. How is that not lying ? And I’d bet the farm he’s lying to his mother every time she asks about his weight. Because in order not to give the game away, he’d have to engage with conversations about diet and exercise, which he’s not doing. Can’t do that without lying.

There's lots of scary stories by the media about side effects. I suspect in month three my DH has upped the dose. He's had an awful upset stomach after drinking beer last night with mates. I've been told we need to bleach the kitchen throughout. I thought eejit. Can't say anything because I haven't been told he's jabbing himself with wli secretly. So my house keeping gets the blame. 🤬

TBH I understand the resentment towards your husband, obviously the issue is mum but it doesn’t help that he won’t tell her he’s on the jabs. If I were you I’d say that until he tells her, you don’t want to spend time with her, as that’s just not fair on you.

Also, ignore those on here making negative comments as they’ve been on the jabs. Completely besides the point that you don’t want to use them

Then she's not talking about you, as the post was about those who are saying he will put it back on. It being one of a range of possibilities we can't assess the possibility of without enough information isn't the same thing at all.

I’d deal with this very easily. Tell him very clearly - either he talks to his DM and makes sure she knows not to talk to you about your body/exercise, or you will tell her he’s using WLI. His choice.

The comparing with the husband is fruitless regardless of the jabs. His calorie allowance would be a feast for most women. He will always have the ability to lose quicker, his deficit is likely to be more than the OPs maintenance. Work needs to be done on the lack of MIL boundaries and the DH understanding that his diet can be detrimental for his wife and children.

If he was lying through his teeth rather than just being non-committal, you'd think OP would've mentioned it as it would bolster her point. They're both possibilities though. However the pp was referring to the act of not mentioning as a lie in itself.

edit- sorry I've just realised you are the pp!

Havent RTFT,
I would say ‘I’m going to the gym three times a week which is three time more than (husbands name) is and I’m eating healthily unlike (husbands name). Yet he is loosing weight - I wonder why that is (mil name) .
Then a hard, knowing stare.
If she asks anything I would use the lovely “You might well say that. I couldn’t possibly comment. Cup of green tea (mil name)?”
Job done.

It’s not down to OP to tell her MiL to get stuffed and mind her own business.

It absolutely is, if she’s regularly making unwanted comments about the OP’s weight.

It’s down to her DH to support her, and he’s not

But it’s not down to the OP to support his decision to keep his medical details private? Why does only one partner deserve support?

Does anyone really behave like this in real life? A “hard, knowing stare”? 🙄🙄🙄

Your OH doesn’t have to tell anyone about his injections however the fact he’s choosing not to say anything, soak up praise and watch his Mum keep on at you is totally out of order.
Im afraid I’d tell her in a round about way “MIL, there are lots of different routes for people wishing to lose weight, I’ve chosen to go the gym and work on strength etc. for other people a combination of healthy eating, weight loss injections and exercise suits them and what they are trying to achieve. Please stop comparing me to others, we’re doing weight loss differently and as a woman I wouldn’t be dropping the weight as quickly as a man regardless of how they are doing it’
Then if she brought it up again I would tell her talking about weight is really intrusive and boring and if she can’t find another topic when she visits maybe she can have her son visit her at her house.

Playing devil's advocate. Everyone sees DH has lost weight wife hasn't. She'll be a lot fitter has great biceps if anyone cares to feel them but looks no different to outsiders.

Humans are visual creatures. I could go to the gym daily, go for a swim. I'd notice the difference. But clothed others wouldn't. My DH on the other hand would get compliments for losing his beer belly and double chin.

I remember reading weight loss is 20% exercise and 80% food intake.

I can see what she ment it's usually the neck it sort of sags and I think unless you eating better and exercising it goes on twice as fast and severely obese people have an apron of saggy skin which will not be taken off by nhs .unless extreme circumstances. These jags are not a wonder drug .they can attack gallbladder an pancreas. To hell with that x9