AIBU to resent my husband’s weight loss and his mum’s comments?

[Pipiscoming2023]

My DH started taking Mounjaro a few months ago and has lot 3 stone since then. He’s back to the weight he was in our 20s/when we got married.

I categorically don’t want to take medication to lose weight and work hard at the gym (at least 3x per week) and eat well. I’m strong but still a size 18, it’s slow progress but I’m okay with that.

Anyway, his mum is obsessed with our weight (I know it’s a her problem but I still find it hard to deal with the constant comments). So she’s has been heaping praise on her wonderful son for losing so much weight and asking me how often I go to the gym etc… clearly with the undertone of “why aren’t you losing the same?”

He doesn’t want to tell her he’s on the jabs. Fine, that’s down to him. But I’m starting to resent him for eating what he wants, not going to the gym and losing all this weight (and being praised incessantly for it) whereas I’m working hard and trying to make myself strong and healthy, and feel like I’m being judged and made to feel terrible.

Hmm, I think we'd need some data to back any claims about typical costs up. I couldn't find any.

Lower dose Wegovy is well under £100 a month, and lots of people are losing on that. I agree that those of us with the cheapest costs are often using pharmacies that let us push back an order date, but that's relevant because it's very much one of the options available. Then at the other end of the spectrum is people on highest dose MJ with the dearest suppliers which is over £300 per month.

So I think a better way to put it is that the costs can be high, notwithstanding that people's levels of spare cash can vary hugely even within the same income bracket. You also don't know until you try whether you're going to be one of the people who needs the highest dose. It's a bit of a stab in the dark, no pun intended. But also it's completely fine for OP not to want it even if it were 50p!

@AWomanOfWealthAndTaste not sure why it's such a contentious issue, looked at a MJ price comparison website that showed monthly prices (not the initial discount price) for a middle of the range dose! Good for you if you've found a cheaper way to do it. I've nothing against them, half my work colleagues are on them, but price is the main comment when it's discussed (ie finding sacrifices elsewhere)

Well, MUMMY needs to know! Seeing as how she thinks her little prince is doing soooo well with the weight loss, and in addition, is banging on at the OP for not doing as well as her precious son! When ALL the weight he has lost has been through cheating by using weight loss injections.

Too right she needs telling. I would absolutely be telling her if I was the OP. This is not a matter of spite, if my DH's mother was going on at me for not losing my weight very quickly, whilst showering DH (her son) with praise for losing it quickly (when he has been cheating by using weight loss injections,) I absolutely would tell her he's been using them.

MUMMY needs to know her perfect prince of a son is not this high achiever with his big weight loss, whilst I am a failure. I'd make bloody sure of that.

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Yeah it’s spite, tell me you’re jealous of those on the injections without telling me your jealous of those on the injections, how utterly embarassing for you, on so so many fronts.

Exactly. As I said, the OP's husband's mum needs telling.

I wouldn't have said needing evidence to back up a very specific claim like £40-£50 per week is more typical was contentious. Had a quick look and couldn't find anything to indicate that was correct. Averaging out price comparison sites isn't proof of typical spend, as presumably you know people don't necessarily go onto higher doses.

Trying to pin down average spend is in any case not necessary. The fact that lots of people can't afford them so nobody should make assumptions when they don't know a poster's finances is a superb argument in itself.

His wife can tell her though. I would. The fact he is basking in the glow of mummy's praise about his weight loss, whilst mummy is looking down on his wife for not losing as much weight, (when HE has used weight loss injections and she is doing it without,) is sickening. I'm embarrassed for the OP's husband. Is he that desperate for mummy's praise?! 🙄

@Pipiscoming2023 You should absolutely tell your husband's mum that he is taking the weight loss injections!

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@AWomanOfWealthAndTaste I didn't average out a price, I looked at the average price for a dose in the middle of the prescribing range, 7.5mg in the UK. I'm really not sure why you're so convinced I'm trying to exaggerate it, the price increase a while ago was well publicised
The site I looked at is for the regular monthly prices, ie not including the first month offer (which is usually only available if signing up to a minimum term)
https://monj.co.uk/mounjaro-price-list-non-discounted-uk/

@Runningswanker

its just my opinion. She doesn’t sound happy. I’m sure lots of people would rather have medication to help them lose weight and would see that as a better use of family money compared to a family holiday. Kids don’t need holidays but they do need a happy healthy mum 😊

I wasn't talking about the kids, I was talking about the OP maybe wanting a holiday! And she hasn't posted anything to suggest she's unhealthy.

By definition being obese, if she is, is unhealthy.

@Runningswanker

She probably does want a holiday! But wants to reach her target weight more. Go, OP! 💪

I didn't say you were trying to exaggerate it, I think it's conceivable you believe you're right. But you claimed £40 to £50 per week was more typical and there isn't any proof of that. It was evidently a guess.

Also, the price increase was Mounjaro. As the poster who made the (ridiculous) comment about just take the jabs didn't specify only Mounjaro, that also makes Wegovy relevant and it's much cheaper. You'd need to factor them in too. There are going to be people who can afford Wegovy but not Mounjaro.

It wasn't a guess, it's what I know from the friends I have who take it, and the proof is the published prices that I checked before posting - for mounjaro, given that's what the OP has said her husband is taking!

@Velvetandleather she goes to the gym, is strong, and eats well just more than she should. There's a good chance she's healthier than her husband, if he's eating small amounts but of junk food and not exercising. If he's lost weight rapidly without strength training he will have lost just as much muscle as fat, unless he's generally gifted. Being slimmer doesn't necessarily mean a lower body fat %.

It absolutely was a guess. You're guessing that your friends are representative of the million plus people paying privately for WLIs in the UK. It would've been fine to just say this is my experience based on my circle.

And what OPs husband is taking doesn't actually dictate what the potential costs for her if she wanted to go on WLIs would be. There's no rule saying you can only take a medication if your spouse is on it. So cheaper options such as Wegovy need to be factored in if you want to talk about whether it's affordable.

It's not cheating for anybody to take a legally prescribed medication.

It's not cheating to take paracetamol for a headache rather than wait for it to go.

It's not cheating to take pseudoephedrine to help clear a sinus (unless you're a professional athlete and you're not taking it for a blocked nose).

It's not cheating for somebody to take vitamin D + K2 or a B complex because they've got a deficiency.

It's not cheating to use an ergo in the gym rather than travelling 15 miles to the nearest boating lake or a treadmill rather than thundering down the pavements and sidestepping dogs, children, the elderly and blokes yelling FAT CUNT out of car windows.

If that’s the reality they will both be unhealthy. It is not a competition or a race to the bottom.

the op is clearly jealous and resentful

what does she tell us, he eats sandwiches from the service station for lunch, she says when it’s his turn to cook it is things like fish and chips and pizza. That he brought in a sat morning treat for the kids. That he has a Huel for breakfast.

what she doesn’t tell us is how often he cooks. How often he brings in treats for the kids.

it could be once a week, once a fortnight, it could be every day, none of us know.

it is highly unlikely if he’s having Huel and sandwiches during the day he’s eating a lot of junk on top of this for the simple reason he’d not lose weight. His calorie intake would be too high. I’m fairly sure if he read this thread he’d think she was being unfair. And I suspect he’d think thr same over his mothers comments.

shes clear the mil doesn’t now mention her weight, doesn’t mention her diet, just makes comments like how often are you going to the gym.

my take is the first part of the title of this thread is the relevant bit. She’s resentful , she sees him having treats a couple of times a week, dropping three stone, his mum saying he’s done well and it’s infuriating her.

i really don’t think this is a case of her husband sits and gorges on crap or her mil is round daily making digs on her weight. I think she needed to vent as she feels bad about herself.

she fails to tell us why she doesn’t want to try to the injections. The quality of her diet is not it seems the issue, the issue is how much she eats. She seems to focus on the gym a lot, but we all know exercise doesn’t result in weight loss, unless you’re in a defecit. We also know going to the gym doesn’t automatically mean strenuous effort. I work out most days, some days I do it with way less effort than others.

Indeed. Anyone is free to set whatever rules they want for their games of weight loss, but not to impose them on people who didn't sign up for it.

As I said upthread, I'm very open about the whole thing and enjoy discussing it IRL. But lots of people aren't, and nobody is obliged to share private medical information with anyone. You'd think the people who are very keen for others to disclose would have the sense to realise that mouthing off about cheating is going to deter some users from being open about it. Personally if I came across anyone like that I'd make sure to rub their nose in it, make up loads of lies about how I eat KFC all day and the weight is still falling off me, but not everyone is up for that.

I have to disagree. One of the reasons people love mj is because they have been able to change very little and still lose weight, because they are in a calorie deficit. I dont agree with it because in the long run it can't be healthy if not eating properly.
I found it ridiculously easy to lose almost 6 stones on mounjaro. I did calorie count but having done that many times before i didnt find it hard work at all.
Its the maintenance i find harder now i have reduced my dose.
The slower gastric emptying reduces over time, so if eating junk food, the portions could increase and the weight go back on, even on mounjaro. OP's husband may find this a struggle!

I’m going to get so much hate for this but I really don’t agree with the jabs being used for minor obesity. I’m not totally anti them by any means. I understand for chronic obesity and eating disorders they are a god send! But my feelings are unless you’re on the pathway that in the past would have resulted in weight loss surgery they should be avoided.

There are posters on this thread acting holier than thou because they slimed down from an 18 to a 10 using them with the context they are better than the op. I’m sorry but you were likely overweight for years and unable to shift it through diet and exercise. It’s easy to preach when you’ve effectively taken a short cut. I know people take them alongside exercise and healthy eating but that is so much easier to do when you’re not feeling hunger in the way our bodies are designed to.

I will always think doing it through diet and exercise alone is more ‘honourable’ than taking the jabs. Somethings that are worthwhile should require a bit of hard work. I am not in favour of medicating everything to avoid a bit of discomfort.

I'm not going to hate, but I am rather interested to know why you think you're better qualified than the various regulatory bodies to make this call. Also, as access to weight loss surgery has varied at different points in the past and also by area, how you're defining and factoring that in.

Size 18 to 10 is not minor obesity. I've joined slimming world, weight watchers after every pregnancy to get back on track. Three times in fact. I've never had to climb the mountain other members had to. The NHS doesn't treat food noise for fat people. If a gastric band, a jab does the trick, go for it.

If you can do it with careful eating, exercise great, if not take whatever is available.

I think the biggest problem is the prevalence of edible food like substances which are highly engineered to be as addictive as possible. Where it not for this problem then far fewer of us would struggle to control our food intake.

I don't understand how he has lost so much weight if he hasn't changed his eating habits. The jabs act as appetite regulators mainly, triggering feelings of fullness and reducing hunger. You could try increasing those effects yourself by improving your gut biome (you may already be doing this). Increasing fibre, (veg, beans, lentils etc) drinking water kefir about half an hour before you have anything to eat first thing, eating live natural yoghurt (NOT reduced fat). Your gut bacteria should help to regulate your appetite - often, if it's functioning well, you don't even want the kinds of foods your husband is eating.

My granddaughter lost a lot of weight on the jabs, but the side-effects were too bad, including a nasty staph infection she couldn't throw off. Sadly, she's back to her junk food diet and the weight is going back on.

If your weight is gradually coming down, you are doing it right and will see permanent benefits.