To have gone for after work drinks tonight?

[tillyougetenough]

This week has been horrendous at work. The office has been hot, pressure from management has been insane, we’ve all worked different hours due to the heat and it’s just been incredibly draining.

We all decided to go to the beach for a few drinks tonight. It was well needed and deserved, even if it was just to sit in the shade and the breeze!

I got home around 10, I’ve had three cocktails. Not huge, I’m not wasted, just pleasantly tipsy. My partner is outraged, he thinks I have a drinking problem and has genuinely suggested I go for counselling for my “alcohol issues”.

WIBU to go?

Absolutely this! He is being controlling but he knows he can’t really come out and say he doesn’t want you going out so he is making it about alcohol.

My ex was like this, would act all fine if I told him I was going out but then pick a fight with me over something stupid. Such as - he rang me at 11pm while I was out with friends but I missed the call - called him back less than ten minutes later and apparently that was my crime.

He is being a total dickhead OP. You absolutely weren’t in the wrong to go, sounds like you needed it and he’s just ruining that for you now.

Why is he annoyed at you having a few drinks?

Just to expand on this. I’m single. So in this same scenario I would have gone to the beach, without having to think about or text anyone. I would have come home giggly and happy. I would have come home to no negativity. I would have woken up with no negativity. I would be doing whatever I wanted to today.

This. With some clear ultimatums- I will not be in a relationship where I cannot go out and have a few drinks without all this anger and sulking, it’s very unattractive and makes me think I should go out again tonight for a few drinks, I clearly don’t do it enough since you think you can ban me like a child.

I went out with some mum friends and had 4 drinks last night, I’d never get this reaction from my dh. It’s not hot here either 😂

@tillyougetenough can you laugh and ask him what the problem is or to piss off, stop being a knob and get real without fear of repercussions? If not, you need to leave as this will get more and more miserable.

I've only read your OP, so will read on to see if you've added any other information to decide if YWBU or not because it's obviously impossible to say from one single incident.

Well then, you haven't got an alcohol issue and your partner is nuts 🤷🏻

I would blatantly drink a large glass of wine on front of him, raise your glass and say ‘cheers’. I would imagine this is the start of him trying to control you and it will get worse.

So you've had three drinks with colleagues on a Friday evening after the hottest day on record and were home by 10pm.

As long as you sent him a text saying you were going for a drink and would be back later, your partner needs to unclench, and get a life of his own. He's being ridiculous. Is he always such a killjoy?

Unless there is a huge backstory he sounds like a controlling arse. If you have a good relationship could you ask him at a more neutral time what his problem is with drinking. I would say to him firmly that you don't have a drink problem, that you are a grown woman and that you will go out for a few drinks when you want to and that you won't have him making a fuss about it. Tell him it is a him problem, that you are happy to find out what his issue is but that if he doesn't want to share you don't want to hear any more about it. I would also go out and have a few drinks again soon just to reinforce your message that you are not going to stop because of his complaining.

This. He'd probably like to forbid you socialising without him but knows that would make him look a controlling fool. So instead he's attempting to train you using sulking and deflection about 3 cocktails.

Is this a one off from him, or has he been like this before?

It’s clear you weren’t too drunk, by the way you were typing. I don’t drink but even I know he’s being unfair. You really need to speak to him and find out what his ‘real’ issue is. He sounds pretty awful.

OP, having read your further updates, could you just tell him to leave permanently? I hope you don't have children with this knob.

He's controlling, manipulating, jealous and a miserable pain in the arse. Why waste your summer on him?

I agree with everyone who says this is about control. He wants to keep you at home, he wants to make your life small, he wants to cut you off from friends and colleagues so that you only see people he approves of. Don't let him do it. Tell him straight out that he knows you do not have a drink problem, that you will continue to go out with friends when you want to, and do what you want to, and if he can't handle it the relationship is over.

Go and have fun.
Don't let this man squeeze the fun out of the weekend, because you had the audacity to go out after he declined the invite, which was a clear indication that you shouldn't have attended either!
He is trying to train you to think as the above.

Will he have a drink watching the football tonight? He is being ridiculous.

His problem is you went out and had fun - without him.

I’d be telling him he sorts out this controlling and manipulative behaviour otherwise he will have no one to control and manipulate. And mean it.

As a PP said, you need to have the row. He doesn’t get to tell you what you can and can’t do, especially over something so small as having 3 cocktails or lying in bed a tiny bit longer on a Saturday.

If he can’t agree that he was out of order and won’t ever do this again (and doesn’t) then you need to leave him. It’s coercive control and that’s abuse.

Agree that this could be the start of controlling and coercive behaviour OP and you do need to have 'that' conversation.

Urgh, how horrible and pathetic. Sulking and the not speaking is so bloody childish.

He sounds awful. I hope you enjoy a few drinks at the BBQ today, I’m guessing he will be

Wouldn't life be so much easier if you didn't live together, you could stay out for as long as you want, lie in for as long as you want and your DP wouldn't be in your space to ruin your fun. This is why I always refused to move in with boyfriends.

He sounds like an arsehole. He's allowed to drink whenever he likes but it's outrageous and you need to go to rehab for having three cocktails?

Honestly why are you with someone so controlling? I would not tolerate anyone telling me what I can and cannot put inside my own mouth?!

Nothing to do with your drinking he just doesn’t want you going out

Oh my word I’m sorry op this sounds worrying! Controlling. He’s upset you went out without him, is he worried about anyone at work in particular? Major insecurity vibes that he’s pinning on your and warping your well deserved fun into the problem. Good you’re not standing for his bullshit but worrying that’s he’s doing this. What could he do in future? If this is the start of him showing true colours bw wary! Though if you’d been together since 2022 and this is the first time (?) maybe he’s just gone mad in the heat? Is there something else that’s frustrating him and he is terrible at communication? Or is he just actually controlling?