Tipping waiting staff..

[JacknDiane]

Ive just read an article about football fans visiting the US and being frustrated at how expensive the tipping culture is over there. Its because US waiting staff are paid so little, the tips are meant to boost their wages. But visitors are saying the staff should be properly paid and its on businesses to ensure staff are properly paid, not on the customer to be expected to make up the wages shortfall. I think football fans from around the world are feeling the pinch in the US as they are getting ripped off anyway.

BUT its made me think. We dont eat out much here in the UK, its frankly expensive and not always great. But whenever we do eat out, I notice a service charge is always added automatically to the bill. And frankly it makes the bill quite a bit higher. Id love a cocktail with my dinner or lunch but I very very rarely have one, as they can be £8-£9 each. So I have either water or a soft drink. But then the bill comes and the tip is often £8-£9. That's the cocktail I usually deny myself. And it sort of pisses me off. I earn 25p over minimum wage. Dh isn't on much more. And im guessing the hospitality staff are on similar to me. Im in retail and I give customers good service . But I dont get tips and of course I dont expect tips. Yet waiting staff here get minimum wage and we still tip them 10% of the bill. So they'll be earning a whole lot more than me. Yet I feel mean if I dont tip.

What's the answer? Please bare in mind my earnings and how infrequently we eat out. Its a treat, and drinks are usually water or coke to keep costs down. Having a coffee at the end and sharing a dessert is a treat too.
Then the bill comes and im expected to tip someone better paid than me. The tip is always on the bill, gone are the days the tip feels optional.
And I know this isn't the waiting staff's fault. I know they dont make the rules and i know the tips are pooled between all staff working.
But it just feels too much when our budget is stretched to the limit. I also know ive tipped and the staff/ meal frankly weren't all that great. But I feel pressure when its on the bill.

Am I the only low waged person to feel like this?

I have absolutely no idea why we tip hairdressers either. They are not badly paid.

I never have except once during COVID when I felt sorry for them standing around in masks all day (and they did the trick of adding it on the contactless machine).

They can’t afford to put the prices up as that will put off more customers who are struggling with the COL.
I don’t agree with them adding the service charge to the bill though. They should leave it to the customer to tip if they want to. We always tip unless the service is poor.

I know a man who, despite being skint to the floorboards, asks a lot of women out to posh restaurants on dates to impress them and get his leg over. Invariably, he makes a huge fuss about something - that he's usually had a hand in - to get the bill either reduced or written off and then goes off on one about the service charge. Yes, he is still single and pushing 60.

If they were wiping a family member’s arse, I’d definitely be recognising it too. We tip the binmen and postman at Christmas. The guy that fills our oil tank twice a year. The gardeners, the cleaner, the window cleaner - we give them all tips.

It’s not quite the same as hospitality though. You go out for a meal, you tip the waiter every time unless the service is bad. It’s part of the cost of the meal to me. I’d rather there was a service charge added on tbh, but I don’t begrudge tipping. I tend to think people who do are tight.

I literally always tip the wait staff in cash but I refuse to pay service charge, so the restaurant will continue to lose anyway - seems like a bad business model.

@igelkott2026 I’ve never tipped my hairdresser but they’ve had my custom for 28 years. They don’t need tips on top and there’s something odd that it seems older women do it the most. Of which I’m one.

Service charge in a restaurant is acceptable if you have been advised about wine, details of the menu (sometimes that’s every course!) and they do look after you at very good restaurants - water topped up, wine poured, friendly welcome etc. If it’s a burger joint - they aren’t doing anywhere near as much. A bigger group in a high class restaurant is more work!

USA has rinsed football fans. Tipping is 20% plus anyway. If op cannot afford the service charge, then I’m afraid eating out isn’t possible. There are treats that are cheaper than eating out if you resent the cost. Many restaurants close every year so they are hardly reaping huge bucks. Read Tom Kerridge on the subject. He’s not making any of his restaurants pay!

The restaurant doesn’t lose out though. They are able to retain staff as their wages are being topped up by tips and they don’t have to put up their prices even more to pay their staff more.

It shouldn’t just be part of the meal, just a habit. Why should the person who brings you your meal be tipped?
Why not tip the person at the till in Supermarkets as well. I wish some would be brave enough to stop the whole tipping culture including service charge. No one should be made to feel mean if they don’t.

It’s not just tipping these days I find shops are also asking to ‘ round up for charity ‘

That's another Americanism that's made its way over here with an awful inevitability. I first encountered it in a Goodwill store of all places, where the vast majority of the goods were donated and the staff volunteers, and on an $11-ish bill they wanted $15

I've always tipped, even when I earned next to nothing. It's just how I was brought up, and is very much the norm where I'm from, but we live in a country where it's very much personal choice.

I have precisely zero sympathy for people who can't even be arsed to read up on the cultural norms of countries they're visiting who then cry about those norms being different to home.

Regards service charge, it's optional and you can have it removed. I tend to have it removed purely because I prefer to manage my tip myself and would generally tip more than the obligatory 12% service charge. I also prefer to tip in cash because frankly, if whoever has actually waited on our table pockets the whole amount rather than putting it into a collective pot then good for them.

Just to add, I'm always upfront about the fact I prefer to tip cash and request no service charge so it just doesn't get added because I couldn't be doing with the faff of waiting to have it taken off.

I can only assume that they have to give this speech to foreign tourists, people from the USA wouldn't dream of not tipping after a serviced meal. It is the respectful cultural norm. It is also usual after tours etc. I have heard some restaurants don't serve cruise ships visitors from outside the USA because they refuse to tip.

I don't use the post office but I give my binmen a tip from time to time and always offer them a drink.

We were the only non Americans on any of the excursions we went on.

Also while every US state is different some have a different minimum wage for tipped workers. Tipped workers are also taxed on the assumption of their tips, so if they aren't tipped as expected they as individuals are out of pocket.
It isn't the same situation as the UK.

@peachyhead if you mean the little speech given by the workers themselves at the start or end of the actual tour they are just a normal part of US vacations and I would be surprised if the Americans didn't expect them. It is just done differently.

I have heard some restaurants don't serve cruise ships visitors from outside the USA because they refuse to tip

That honestly surprises me when you consider that many cruise ships are already tip-heavy, and having been on board you'd think they'd be used to it

That said it's getting even more complex now, with tips, gratuities, service charge, favors and staff appreciation (I may have missed some) all being used interchangeably. Presumably it's done in the hope some will stump up several times, and presumably with some it even works

It's interesting that reading the comments a lot of people are saying they will give cash so it goes directly to the server. If you have had a good meal out do you not want it to go to the chef who made it?!
As pointed out a lot of staff have to hand over any cash they are given and it has to be put into a shared pot. Then it is divided between all staff on shift that night.

@Puzzledandpissedoff I tried searching for the article I'd read for you but my feed was flooded with stories about Kansas City bars and restaurants in particular adding a 20% service to World Cup fans bills because they didn't trust them to tip properly.

Tipped workers are also taxed on the assumption of their tips, so if they aren't tipped as expected they as individuals are out of pocket

Not any more, @onlygeese:

Edited to add that the extra 20% for British football fans doesn't surprise me in the least. Obviously they vary, but if their behaviour in the US is anything like that of too many at home thhe staff will deserve it for the kind of cleaning up they'll have to do

https://www.fidelity.com/learning-center/personal-finance/no-tax-on-tips

I do usually tip, unless service has been dismal, I don’t eat in very expensive restaurants as a rule though .
We once went to a bar in London , was around 10 of us , we ordered several bottles wine at the bar, waited and was told to sit down , which we did . The bill then arrived with a sizeable service charge included which we asked for to be removed ( we were standing at bar fully prepared to carry our drinks the 10 metres to our table ) and it was a lot , central London prices.
The waitress called the manager who asked what was wrong , nothing but explained we were unhappy with the charge , he was extremely put out to say the least & one of our party overheard him calling us cheapskates 🤣

I always tip my hairdresser & beautician , but only by rounding the bill up to nearest fiver

I've not come across a pre added service charge yet in the UK but as I object to paying a % I would ask for it to be removed.
I will tip but based on the amount of effort and quality of the service. Four x £5 drinks brought from the bar takes far more effort than delivering and not even opening one bottle of £30 wine. Four x three course lunch menu meals take more effort than four single plates off the expensive a la carte menu.
That's my logic and I'm sticking to it 😊
My hairdresser comes to my home and cuts my husband's and my hair for £25 but I give her £30. She does a great job and is great with my husband who has Alzheimer's. Again, that's my logic and I'm happy with it.

But who will benefit from your tip? The chef? Waiters? Barmen? Cleaners?

Always tip in cash so whatever/whoever the establishment's custom is. I can't dictate that.

So you say you tip for good service yet admit you don’t know where your tip is going, so why bother to tip?