AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding?

[princesspicker]

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding. His gf saw my dress and said she thought it was inappropriate because she claims it’s white. The reality is that it’s not white, it has a red and green floral pattern. I don’t really have time to find a new dress but my brother keeps asking me if I’ve found something new, saying he and his gf are worried other guests will talk about me behind my back if I show up wearing something white (it’s not white!!). I think it’s so rude that they’re trying to police what I wear, especially when they know I had to call off my wedding last year and he’s my brother so I should get to wear something special to his wedding!

I know it's condescending... the previous poster said it in a condescending way hence why I said it back.

I actually didn't mention the OPs dress (I think its absolutely hideous BTW, but fine for the wedding)... I specifically was correcting her that the idea of no white to a wedding isn't a rule but absolutely is well known etiquette.

I've also repeatedly on this thread mentioned that the OP is having a big debacle for nothing because the bride hasn't even seen the frumpy dress.

They haven't seen the dress if you read the thread.

Oh no, imagine marrying into this family 😫

OP, you did mention that your own wedding got called off - in the context of how you should be able to wear this dress. This does sound like you want to be seen in (even a bit of) a bridal way at their wedding.
Come on, that's not appropriate. It's THEIR day. I hope you'll have your own day in the future.
Also, you've described them as 'cowardly' and the bride as 'not having the balls' to ask you directly about your dress. You're being very negative. They could equally be described as tactfully asking, or gently asking, or indirectly asking via your mum so as not to offend you directly.
It's clearly important to them that you don't wear anything remotely bridal. No matter whether the dress truly is cream or mainly floral or bridal or not, outdated etiquette to not wear white or still current etiquette - everyone's got their own differing view on that, but..... it's THEIR special day, and they've tried to make it clear to you, so either change your dress or 'have the balls' to send her a pic and ask her directly whether you should change it.

I’ve been to three weddings this year, genuinely. And there was not one woman dressed in white or cream at any of them. Not one.

Thank god this thread is nearly full. Everyone should just stop feeding the narcissist.

Oh my goodness, if I was the bride I'd call the wedding off rather than have you for a SiL.

I’m not sure, from the very odd things the op is posting, I’m wondering if she is vulnerable. I think she lives with her mother.

You need to dye the dress pale pink. It isn’t right as it is. If you were in your 60’s like me and wore it you could get away with it as a 60 year old isn’t in competition with the bride and won’t outshine her. At your age this will outshine her. Dylon products are great.

Yep, everyone should indeed stop pandering to the likes of this narcissist bride and any others who police their guests and their outfits. So tedious.

Hi OP.

It feels like you and your mum are just trying to wind her up. Send her a picture of your dress, ask if it’s ok. If she says no, get something else.
it sounds like she’s getting stressed over what you might do & given your attitude on here, I can understand her being worried.

I can’t see why that dress would be a problem unless she’s chosen bridesmaids dresses similar, or her own is similar pattern with florals. But you seem to be enjoying her stress without actually letting her see what you plan to wear.

What an odd bitter little comment,

Not as bitter as those who think someone wearing a standard floral dress is trying to upstage the bride and has issues and is a terrible person.

Agree. Just ask. She's not even told you not to wear this specific dress.

As an aside, I don't think your mum should have a say in the wedding because she's kindly paid. Paying towards a wedding should be because you want to, not to decide what happens on someone else's special day.

I wouldn't have an issue with the dress you have, but it may be too close to bridesmaid dresses or whatever so best just to ask.

Why are you commenting if this thread bothers you? If it becomes full, could make a new one?

@Cloudconfusion As I’ve said, I don’t live with my mum. Not sure what you mean by vulnerable.

You and the rest of us

OP sorry but you’re being really nasty and selfish. I personally didn’t give a flying fig what colour people wore at my wedding, but there were things that were important to me. Why can’t you just respect the bride’s wishes and wear something else?
Not a hill worth dying on.

@princesspicker - just send your brother and his fiancée the picture you posted earlier, and ask directly if it is acceptable - and if they say No, respect their decision.

Would you wear this to a very good friend’s wedding? I think you’ve got muddled into this all, and that would give you a clearer head

probably you would check with the friend? There’s plenty of time to find a beautiful dress

I'm you age and I would wear it, my kids would wear it too.

OP ignores anyone pointing this out. She won't bother sending a single message but is ok taking up people's time with a thousand post thread. I know people are here voluntarily but most likely started with the assumption op is operating in good faith.

It comes in different colors from a chain store, no reason it couldn't be exchanged.

I’m posting to help fill the thread. Make a new one if you want, but hopefully others will heed my advice to starve a narcissist of their oxygen.

Here is the new thread x

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5547309-aibu-to-wear-a-floral-dress-my-brothers-girlfriend-calls-white-to-their-wedding-part-2

Dear Lord, no.