AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding?

[princesspicker]

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding. His gf saw my dress and said she thought it was inappropriate because she claims it’s white. The reality is that it’s not white, it has a red and green floral pattern. I don’t really have time to find a new dress but my brother keeps asking me if I’ve found something new, saying he and his gf are worried other guests will talk about me behind my back if I show up wearing something white (it’s not white!!). I think it’s so rude that they’re trying to police what I wear, especially when they know I had to call off my wedding last year and he’s my brother so I should get to wear something special to his wedding!

I wouldn't describe a dress that originally retailed at £169.00 and is fully lined, as a casual summer dress. On the contrary it's a dress that screams summer occasion and I'm sure that many people would choose something similar to attend a summer wedding. Where did all this 'don't wear white' nonsense come from anyway? Surely, we've all moved on from such nonsense in 2026?

You need classes, its a cream dress, nothing like a bridal outfit, unless of course you are having a low key registry office wedding and are an older bride. And yo plan to re-use the outfit as, yup, you guessed it, a wedding guest outfit.

Read a lot of this but CBA to read all of it.
From what I can gather, it all boils down to the fact that you don't seem to like SIL very much.

Just because somebody offers money for your wedding doesn’t mean it’s the automatic right to do everything. I don’t think it’s v nice of the gf to leave your mum out but I guess it depends what relationship they have?

re the dress… you know it’s going to cause issues so why not just find another one? Seeing photo it’s underwhelming anyway you could definitely find something so much nicer! I tend to stay away from anything with. Lot of white line this one - if it’s was all floral with white underneath it would be diff but it’s not.

it’s weird you’ve posted for advice but then you’re just getting defensive? We all don’t really care what you do lol enjoy the wedding!

Ehm, the difference being that this was her bridesmaid dress and coordinated by the bride and groom. If Pippa had just turned up in that dress as a mere guest to her brother's wedding how do you think that would have gone down? It doesn't sound like OP is a bridesmaid. Maybe SIL bridesmaid's are wearing something cream and flowery.

It's her wedding. She has said it's too white. You need to change it. Otherwise you'll always be known as the crank who tried to upstage the bride on her wedding day. Return the expensive deess get a cheaper more appropriate one and treat yourself with the difference.

Keep reading down…you’ll see my reply.

What I want to know, and it may have been answered as have not rtft...

did your mum help you pick out that dress after she had been told that a very similar dress would be inappropriate?

I think it's a perfect dress for a wedding!

This. I wore a wedding dress with colourful flowers on it to my own wedding. The only other outfit I remember years since is someone (I didn’t know, was a +1) turning up with a white dress with red flowers on it… it’s common for brides to not wear a pure white dress these days and soooo many other options out there… OP you sound like you really hate the bride, maybe you’d be better off not going…

Yes I think it's suitable for a bride. It's similar to what I wore for my wedding.

The li k might say cream but it looks white - what is cream but a slightly off/white anyway ? A shade of white

Having seen the actual dress it’s fine. It’s not white. Your attitude is weird though

Op come on... I've read every post and I'd say usually I'd be pretty laid back around wedding stuff and roll my eyes at anything bridezillaish but you are coming across like a nightmare in law here.

What is your parents contribution to their wedding anything to do with anything? In what way does your mum contributing entitle you to do what you want? You have not contributed anything and I absolutely cannot stand people who feel that gifting someone money buys control over those people. Horrible attitude for your mum to have and particularly for you to have since it's not been your money. I would never expect to speak to suppliers, dictate food options or venue etc if I were to give my son and his partner money to help them get married. That's massively OTT.

Calling it a "wedding event" rather than a wedding is also really telling. You're minimising the importance of this to them. It's not your "mums wedding event" it is your brother and his wife's wedding. Honestly if I were in their shoes I'd be handing your mum her money back, eloping and putting serious distance in with the two of you.

The fiance saw a dress she felt was too white to pass as a guest dress. Which is fair enough each to their own. Your mum felt your dress fell into the category so gave you a heads up. Why are you centering yourself in your brothers wedding? Your dress is a cream/ white/ ivory dress with a bit of coloured detailing. If you cannot see that then I'd make the time for a trip to specsavers. Whether or not you feel its appropriate is irrelevant, you know it doesn't fit with their dress code which is why you're painting her badly to try and curry agreement on here.

You've also criticised her for not "having the balls to tell you in person". Why the unnecessary aggro towards her if she's not even seen your dress and therfore has no reason to tell you anything in person? Calling her nosy for asking if you have a dress yet which is a perfectly normal thing to ask about a sil. Why are you trying to present her negatively? It sounds like you are trying to set this up in a way that people agree with you rather than just in a way that's not overly outing. And op all of that is your issue and nothing to do with her.

If you give a hoot about your brother and if you can find it within yourself to acknowledge that their wedding is a really big deal to them so it's fair for them to want to do it the way they want to do it, then order a new dress from next online wear that one somewhere else or return it and put your best foot forward with your new sil.

I think your behaviour, your attitude and the way you are talking about your mums money in particular is appalling. I feel genuinely sorry for your sil.

But neither SIL or brother have seen the dress!

I wouldn’t say it’s a casual dress either, but that works against OP. It’s the sort of dress a bride might wear to a formal occasion like their own wedding, it’s not like florals are unheard of for a summer wedding. Sure, there’s nicer bridal dresses out there etc, but clearly the people in OP’s life who have seen the dress/know the person involved feels it’s not the right occasion for it.

Well there's no reason for OP not to show them it, unless she knows they will think it's too white (based on them saying a similar dress was too white).

💯 This.
OP and her DM have dibs on this wedding day.

If you go on the likes of John Lewis, Hobbs, etc, every third wedding guest dress is white/cream or ivory with a floral print. If OP is making a mistake then there are lots of other people making the same one and lots of professional designers, who don't know this new "etiquette" either.

When I got married, I didn't tell people what they should wear, I just trusted they wouldn't outshine me!

The dress is probably fine to most people - but if you knew the bride would have an issue with it why wear it? Surely you'd just wear something else and get on with your life!

I don't see the problem. It's not in the least bit wedding-dress.

I once wrote a pale blue dress to a wedding and someone said 'oh, here's the bridesmaid'.

Wear what you want.

That's not how it works.

Parents can choose to contribute or pay for an entire wedding but that doesn't make it theirs.

So do I. Not remotely bridal. I get that people choose low key weddings and wear dresses like this for their own wedding but that would be a deliberate choice to not look bridal. For a full white wedding it's absolutely nothing like a wedding dress.

I see no problem with that, but I am a man. It doesn't look like a wedding dress in any way.

Clearly they think it's inappropriate so don't wear it and cause then a very and risk a fall out. They have told you their feelings please respect them