AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding?

[princesspicker]

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding. His gf saw my dress and said she thought it was inappropriate because she claims it’s white. The reality is that it’s not white, it has a red and green floral pattern. I don’t really have time to find a new dress but my brother keeps asking me if I’ve found something new, saying he and his gf are worried other guests will talk about me behind my back if I show up wearing something white (it’s not white!!). I think it’s so rude that they’re trying to police what I wear, especially when they know I had to call off my wedding last year and he’s my brother so I should get to wear something special to his wedding!

Yes. A billion times. I couldn’t count your 00s 😄

Indeed. There’s a definite sense of the OP feeling she deserves some sort of “special day” within the context of a wedding. Everything you’re saying about your mum wanting (very unreasonably) to be involved, indicates your side of the family wanting to “hold court” on the day…

I've actually come to same conclusion.

A dress was seen at the mum's house, it was the OP's dress but not the dress she is wearing to the wedding.

Although both dresses seem to be white and floral?

Thanks for clarifying that!
I still think you should wear it, it’s lovely.
I don’t think YABU but you will
have to deal with the fallout if she doesn’t like it.
I wouldn’t find it easy to find another dress for a wedding within three weeks!

But you said she saw a similar dress at your mums? You are making this hugely confusing for anyone to read.
Also it doesn't sound like you like your brother or his fiancee much, but thats beside the point.

She maybe a bridezilla based on her opinion on the dress. But I don’t know more about her. But op is a totally monster in law based on the way she is expressing her true feelings here. All her posts shows entitlement and bitterness. I understand it’s hard having your wedding cancelled a year ago in your early 40s but you cannot be this bitter.

princesspicker · Today 00:12
As I keep saying, my mum has paid for a lot of things. So in some ways it is my mums wedding

It's a perfectly suitable dress for a guest to wear to a summer wedding. It's hardly like the OP is going to somehow upstage the bride, who presumably will be wearing a wedding dress. (Although I'm sure the OP will look very nice in her dress). Not wearing white refers to not wearing a wedding dress, not "not wearing a light coloured floral dress".

I showed the dress to my 17yo DD and asked her to describe it. She said "it's white with some flowers scattered on it". I told her about this thread and that OP plans to wear it to her brother's wedding and she gasped. Then said "does she like her brother?".

Case closed.

The dress is unsuitable, get it in the lilac which is much prettier anyway.

Fair point.

Plus the bride is brother's fiancée not girlfriend.

I think OP is so bored or lonely that they decided to fabricate a post. She is so defensive and the things she says seem to be purely to spark a reaction.

Either that or she is a horrible person. She speaks so awful of her soon to be SIL. I’m guessing jealousy.

Either way, grow up and a life.

Why does the viewpoint of a 17 year old mean case closed? I don't think the views of teenagers on what is appropriate for an adult wedding are significant.

@princesspicker the dress is absolutely beautiful, but not appropriate to wear for a wedding in general.

If the bride has specifically requested/hinted guests not to wear white then it would be really unkind to wear this to the wedding as it has too much white (cream) in it. You will ruin any relationship you had with your SIL.

If it's the style of dress you like then just get it in an Alternative Colour where white(cream) isn't the dominant colour.

Why is it so important that you wear white cream to your brother's wedding?
What makes that colour more special than others?

The dress comes in a different colour? Makes sense to swap the cream / white one for the lilac

<waits for OP to tell us she has lilac skin and couldn't possibly wear that colour dress>

That’s not how it works! They’ve been gifted money for THEIR wedding, people don’t get to make demands afterwards and it’s still definitely not their day!! And even then - your mum helping them out with some money doesn’t mean you get special treatment.
If you’re unsure about the dress, speak to them directly and ask if the dress you’ve bought is ok.

You and your mum need to love your brother enough to not take over his wedding. Your mum needs to love her son enough to not make his wedding her event because she paid for it. You need to love him enough to respect his choice of partner and not make their wedding about you.

Is it really so hard to go in a dress with no cream on it, smile and be happy for your brother as he starts his life with the only person he actually got to choose?

It's actually not beside the point, @princesspicker .

You and your mother are coming across really badly here.

Your mother gave her son and his fiancee money towards THEIR wedding as a gift. Perfectly normal, many parents do this for their children.
It does not make it HER event.
It does not mean that she has 'bought' the right to make demands on them regarding the 'wedding event', or to be involved in the planning.
She sounds resentful that they haven't involved her in the planning (I think we can all understand why they didn't).

Your mother probably guilted her DiL2B into letting her go to the dress fitting, on the basis that she wouldn't tell anyone anything about the dress.
She immediately told you about the bride's dress.

She 'covered' for you when your SiL2B saw your other dress and said it wasn't suitable, so deceived her.

You seem to be resentful of your SiL2B, that she is getting married when you had to cancel your wedding last year.

You feel that you 'deserve' to wear something special because it's your brother getting married, even if it's a dress you KNOW your SiL2B will be unhappy about.

You have belittled her choice of wedding dress - "OTT traditional".

You have called her controlling, demanding, and cowardly ("she hasn't got the balls to tell me herself, she's gone through my mum")

You know she won't like the dress you're determined to wear, and you don't care.
In fact, it comes across to me that you're almost gleeful at the thought that it will spoil her day just a little bit to see you in it.

Honestly, I can imagine your brother would be heartbroken if he knew you and your mother's attitude to his wedding and his fiancee.
And his fiancee would be horrified and distraught.

I can see them both going low/no contact wirh you and your mother in the not-too-distant future, and I can't say I blame them.

We all know you're going to wear the Hobbs dress, so further comments are pointless.
I hope they have a wonderful wedding, and you have the day and future you deserve.

It comes in lots of different colours!

But you said it’s not white it has a red and green floral pattern on it. So which is it?

Clearly she’s made him do that because she’s insecure or something.

This is a really unkind thing to say, op.

That's not really appropriate even if she is helping to pay.

They are not the ones who are saying/doing anything unusual in this saga. Even the fact that you are still coming back arguing here while taking nothing at all on board is unusual.

Oh now I know its a wind up!

You are both unreasonable.

That dress is perfectly fine for a wedding. I have no idea why people are saying it isn't. NO ONE will mistake you for the bride, it isn't overly flouncy - it's a nice dress.

She doesn't want you to wear it. She's being unreasonable - accepting she hasn't seen it.

You are being weird about that. YABU.

That may have been true at one time but it's not the way many people see it now. It can also cause an issue with photos.

It is like a bridesmaid dress. Honestly is it worth all the drama? Maybe just get another dress … after all the day is not about you.