AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding?

[princesspicker]

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding. His gf saw my dress and said she thought it was inappropriate because she claims it’s white. The reality is that it’s not white, it has a red and green floral pattern. I don’t really have time to find a new dress but my brother keeps asking me if I’ve found something new, saying he and his gf are worried other guests will talk about me behind my back if I show up wearing something white (it’s not white!!). I think it’s so rude that they’re trying to police what I wear, especially when they know I had to call off my wedding last year and he’s my brother so I should get to wear something special to his wedding!

Er no

Why would you sabotage your relationship with your brother and your soon-to-be SIL over a dress? The bride has asked you not to wear it. Your brother has asked you not to wear it. Whether it's white, cream or pink-with-purple-spots, just don't wear it and pick something else. The only reason I can think of that you'd deliberately want to upset the bride and groom is that there is already a back story about you wanting to hurt them for some reason.

so I have read all your replies and you aren’t very consistent in your answers. Additionally the defensiveness of all your replies says it all. I feel so sorry for your SIL.

You are trying to make their wedding about you. You come across as absolutely mental tbh going by your replies. It’s a fairly standard shaped dress. Get a similar dress shape in different pattern.

Or alternatively don’t go. But right now, you are coming across as a major AH. You’ve been asked something by your brother. It doesn’t matter if you have other siblings. Either comply or don’t go. The world doesn’t revolve around you.

It was more that she didn't know the background, and her immediate reaction was that it was white, and then that it wasn't suitable for a wedding, and that she is young ie not going to be dismissed on here as being out of touch or too old to understand modern dress codes.

Yes and with a lot more flowers on it in a much nicer design.

Thats unnecessary

I have already said my piece on the dress, which is that I think its lovely but the chat seems to be a bit derailed over the hopes of your mum in relation to her involvement in the run up to the big event.

As a parent, I don't think contributing to the wedding gives you any right to choose how the day is planned. If the happy couple want or accept your help that is up to them. And as a parent its up to you whether you do. You have to give on that basis without expectation. Its my experience that the amount of money offered in scale to the wedding may bring some influence, but in reality its their day.

And sometimes its not even that, it depends on the relationship with the parents involved and sometimes for a bride to be, its simply that they don't yet know the prospective inlaws well enough to let them in on the planning of the most important day of their life. It comes with time.

But equally its her sons marriage and I can see why mum may want to help. Maybe British weddings are too bride and family centric as its traditional the brides family that pays although things are changing at long last.

I think its a perfect wedding guest dress but then i never worried what our wedding guests wore

Don’t need help from any future in-laws, I have lots of savings and if I need help my mum will pay.

You're slagging off your brother and his fiancé because they have declined your mother's help with wedding planning. The only thing your mum has been involved in is wedding dress alterations (and you made it sound as if she somehow elbowed her way in). She was sworn to secrecy but has told you all about the bride's dress. I wonder why they don't want her more involved?

You think your brother's fiancé will not approve of your dress choice. Or else you would just send her a picture and ask her thoughts. Tbh your dress wouldn't bother me but your brother and SiL to-be mentioned that other guests might question your choice. Given that you cancelled your wedding last year I wouldn't want anyone thinking I had any regrets about that.

Revenge is a dish served cream with a floral print.
It is fine but not exactly show stopping.
The dress isn’t the issue here.
It is the nastiness displayed towards the bride.

It isn't too late to get these people back to the side of sense, where most of us still are, and realise that a floral dress on a white background isn't any issue.

It really doesn't cause any issue in photos unless you look at the photos trying to find problems. Nobody looks at a photo with a bride in it and is confused for a nanosecond about who the bride is just because there's some more white visible.

'Ballistic missile'

Love it!!
😂😂

Why be so stubborn though?

You haven’t really addressed why you can’t wear something else even if you think they’re being unreasonable about this dress to keep the peace and make sure they have a lovely day without this distraction…

Your dress is lovely and I’m sure there will be another occasion to wear it, does it really have to be this wedding when you know there’s a chance for ructions?

So what? That’s not the deciding factor here. Ultimately multiple people in your life have seen it and have warned you that the bride & groom are concerned. So the website description of cream isn’t really valid, when people are telling you otherwise. Beyond that your logic is flawed, because off white/ivory/cream etc colours are bridal too it’s not strictly pure white.

I wouldn't wear that for several reasons (and I'm quite chill about what people wear to weddings).

1. I went to a wedding last year and the bride wore a wedding dress that was VERY similar to this, except full length. I think wedding dresses with floral motifs are quite fashionable so it's very possible your SIL has something similar too.
2. the bride has said she'd be upset. Why would you knowingly upset someone on their wedding day when it's in your power to avoid it?
3. if you upset the bride, you'll upset your brother. Why damage your relationship over this?!
4. you could have gone online and found something else in the time you've spent on this thread.

I can’t imagine wearing a dress to someone’s wedding that I know they wouldn’t want me to wear. The description is irrelevant, it’s their day.

You and your mum both sound like nasty bits of work now!

Your mum has be sworn to secrecy about the dress but blabbed.

She thinks as shes putting money towards the wedding she has some sort of entitlement to everything.

All you've been asked to do is not wear that bloody dress its not hard is it.

Make no mistake your brother will choose his wife, think about this in a few years time when you get notified of a new addition to your family 4 months later via text with no invitation to visit.

Is it really worth it for a bloody dress?

🙄

And there we have it.... It's all about entitlement! 😂🤣

Actually @princesspicker I think that dress is fine. Others may not agree. And even more so if you had a coloured light shawl or cardi for a cool evening (not this week obviously 😎). So, I’d be the bigger person here and message the bride and say “Mum says you’re a bit worried about what people are wearing, I hope this is ok” and see what she says. And keep it regardless because it is lovely.

I can't believe I've been on MN since the olden days of writing cheques and being able to cancel them!

@BeardySchnauzerLove your username! I also have one who is shoving his wet beard in my face as I type this!

Also I’ve just checked the link and the website has the exact same dress in a different colour, just get that? Why the insistence of the “bridal” colour way? You can get the pink one and be assured it’s going to be a flattering fit etc

Red & green sounds Christmassy to me, regardless of the pattern!
To be honest, it doesn’t matter what colour/style it is, the bride is unhappy with you wearing it.

you’re being very silly now. It’s not in any way shape or form your mums wedding