AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding?

[princesspicker]

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding. His gf saw my dress and said she thought it was inappropriate because she claims it’s white. The reality is that it’s not white, it has a red and green floral pattern. I don’t really have time to find a new dress but my brother keeps asking me if I’ve found something new, saying he and his gf are worried other guests will talk about me behind my back if I show up wearing something white (it’s not white!!). I think it’s so rude that they’re trying to police what I wear, especially when they know I had to call off my wedding last year and he’s my brother so I should get to wear something special to his wedding!

But 44 is middle aged! Did you mean 'you're not 24, you're 44?!'

64 is nearly a pensioner. It's (almost) retirement age! In fact, some people have retired by 64!!!

.

OP comes across as a petulant teen, not someone is their 40’s.

Yes of course I’ve heard of that. I’m not fucking thick, I don’t live in a cave, and even managed to find some poor hapless bastard to marry me and have had my own wedding day. 🙄

The point is, this is NOT such a dress that is inappropriate for a wedding. It’s a floral dress with a white background and not even remotely reminiscent of a wedding dress at all. In fact if you look at the photos it’s clearly styled as a wedding guest outfit, with coloured accessories and a fascinator.

I am shocked at the kicking and insults the OP is getting when the SIL is the one who sounds like a controlling horror trying to police what other grown adults can wear!

OP, why are you here badmouthing you future SIL with made up story? By your own admission, they haven't even seen your dress so they haven't told you not to wear it because it is too white. Grow up.

The dress is more white than color and I personally wouldn't wear it without checking with them. And you calling off your own wedding last year or your mom paying for this wedding does not make it your special occasional.

Yabu

No, I don’t live with my mum. I live independently with my DD and manage fine, thanks x

Why don’t you just send a pic of dress to SIL-to-be and ask her? Instead of doing all this mental gymnastics about what she has/hasnt seen or thinks she’s seen or your brother thinks he’s seen.

And then take on board how the bride feels about her own wedding. (Because it’s definitely not your mums wedding)

This! ^

Are you having a laugh? I don't think it's the OP's sister in law who is the 'controlling horror' here! 😂

I think 'it's my mum's wedding really as she is contributing to it financially' was the peak batshit moment of the thread! 😂

I do! Anyone who comments on their guests' choice of clothing is controlling and being completely unnecessarily petty.

According the OP, she hasn't even said to her not to wear the dress, OP's brother has just sent messages to remind people not to wear white. Off the back of that, OP has come here to enquire about the dress. There's nothing Bridezilla about the bride at all

He has sent messages reminding us of the dress code. I heard from my other brother and mum that she is worried the family will turn up looking scruffy and that she refused to let the groom wear his favourite shoes that mum bought him a few years ago.

It may have been etiquette not to wear a wedding dress to somebody's wedding. It certainly wasn't etiquette not to wear a floral dress with a cream background. I've just dug out photos of a couple of 80s/90s weddings and by my reckoning, about 25% of the women guest should be living their lives shunned by everyone for bad etiquette!

But then, the weddings that I went to weren't the bling social events that people on this website seem to constantly attend. They were gatherings of like minded friends & family.

Exactly. Not just etiquette, but decent manners and plain decency. It's such obnoxious and arrogant behaviour to wear a white/almost white dress to a wedding. OR a cream one!!! It stinks of trying to upstage the bride, and 'Main Character Syndrome.'

The OP clearly dislikes her sister in law to be (brother's wife to be) and wants to upset her and ruin her day. The sister-in-law has asked the OP to please not wear this dress, yet here she is intending on 'wearing it anyway.' I'd ban her from the wedding if I was the sister-in-law!

As has been mentioned a number of times, the OP is jealous because her wedding didn't go ahead, and jealous that SHE is not getting married, and she's trying to derail her brother and sister-in-law's wedding, and make it about HER.

She asked 'AIBU,' and 83% of almost 2000 people are saying 'yes you ARE being unreasonable,' yet she is continuing to double down and dig her heels in and say 'yeah but yeah but, I am right, so there!' She has even laughably said 'it's my MUM'S wedding really' because she has contributed something to it financially. 😂

AND @princesspicker if people had seen the dress at the beginning, you would NOT have 50% of people agreeing with you, (as you claimed a few posts back,) the amount saying YABU would be more than 83%. It would probably be 93%! The vast majority of posts on this thread are disagreeing with you!

Also, as I have said multiple times, it's always sisters, and sister-in-laws who pull this shit (and mother in laws to the bride!) Really poor, guest-zilla behaviour.

@princesspicker I really hope your brother and sister-in-law are planning a future life together that is 100 miles away from you and your mum. I would be if I were them. I would be giving you both a very wide berth going forward.

It's such obnoxious and arrogant behaviour to wear a white/almost white dress to a wedding. OR a cream one!!! It stinks of trying to upstage the bride, and 'Main Character Syndrome.'
Only if the bride is terminally insecure and her friends are shit-stirrers. Otherwise it looks nothing of the sort. It just looks like someone in a normal guest dress.

You don’t think trying to dictate the clothing choices of other adults is controlling?

so she is Sonia from Gavin and Stacey then?

Errrr old person here. Genuinely curious to know this. Would the people who say you can’t wear this lovely dress to a wedding think it’s a suitable dress for a bride? Not in a registry or whatever, but as a first time bride?

just seems to me that if it’s not suitable for a bride (which imo it isn’t) then by definition it has to be ok for a guest.

or am I missing something?

With respect THEY are not wrong. Its their wedding and only their opinion matters. I would think being your brother's wedding you would want to make sure their day goes perfectly. As you know perfectly well that wearing a dress like the one they said was inappropriate, will upset them, naturally you should be looking to wear something different.

If your brother has sent messages with a reminder of the dress code then the solution seems pretty clear to me. Send him a picture of your dress and ask if it is ok 🤷‍♀️ if he says yes then fine, if not then you have plenty of time to sort an alternative.

Absolute rubbish Sweetheart! (that's condescending)

What modern wedding industry guidance says
Sources like Brides.com, The Knot, and Vogue Weddings all echo the same rule:
Allowed

• White background with bold florals )like the dress in question)
• Cream/ivory in a tailored or casual cut
• Polka dots, stripes, prints
• Short dresses, jumpsuits, or clearly “daywear” styles

Not allowed

• Anything long, floaty, lacy, or formal
• Cream/ivory floor‑length gowns
• Dresses that could look bridal in photos
• Anything with bridal fabrics (lace, chiffon, tulle, satin) in pale colours

Or lets go back for something more traditional Debrett’s itself describes its heritage as “over 250 years” of chronicling British etiquette, lineage and social customs

Debrett’s doesn’t ban white outright and this dress is NOT white, its cream. Their guidance is:

• Guests should avoid anything that could be confused with a wedding dress (it looks nothing like one and is part of Hobbs Wedding quest range)
• Pale colours are fine if the cut, fabric and overall effect are clearly not bridal

This is the closest thing the UK has to “official” etiquette.

And yes, myself and many other posters have been around for a long time and this fixation on not wearing ANYTHING white for a wedding is definitely new. In the 70's, 80's and 90's it was all about the bridal vibe of a guests dress and the dress in question is not bridal. Its about not upstaging the bride, so that is not limited to a white dress, its simply not upstaging the bride point blank, this dress will not.

The world has gone mad. This Hobbs Dress is probably one of the safest CREAM dresses you could wear to a wedding. The Carly Floral Dress is:
Cream‑based but heavily printed - the floral pattern dominates, so it doesn’t read as “white”. A day dress cut - not floor‑length, not bridal, not formal. Structured, not floaty - no chiffon, tulle, lace, or satin. Clearly fashion‑retail, not bridal‑adjacent - Hobbs designs wedding‑guest dresses, not bridal gowns.

This is exactly the kind of dress that traditional and Etiquette leaders Debrett’s, Emily Post, and every modern etiquette source says is perfectly acceptable.

Her brother and SIL have not seen the dress so leave the poor woman alone.

God yes, only at the trashiest weddings would it be ok for anyone but the bride to wear white!

OP wear the dress. It’s completely boring imo but suitable for a generic wedding. Maybe a bright pink fascinator or something to try and bring something to it.. with a matching heel.

That isn’t a white background with bold florals - it’s a white dress with a few pretty flowers that would make a lovely bridal dress