AIBU to assume an almost 12-year-old no longer believes in Santa?

[EagerHelper]

My sons are in their 30s so maybe I’m misremembering, hence this post to get some feedback from parents with younger kids.

My niece is 12 in a few weeks, and I was asking her what she wanted for her birthday. I mentioned something she might like and she said “no I think I might ask for that for Christmas”, which got us on to the subject of Christmas. I told her how oldest son wrote to Santa but didn’t tell me, then when he didn’t get the requested gift that’s how he found out Santa wasn’t real.

Niece just carried on chatting but her mother (SIL) was staring daggers at me and they left shortly after.

I then got an angry message from her saying niece still believes in Santa (and the tooth fairy apparently) and I’ve ruined things.

I was very apologetic, but it would never have occurred to me that an almost 12 year old would still believe.

Is this still common at that age? I’m pretty sure my sons stopped believing at about the age of 8 at the latest.

🤣🤣🤣 my 8 year old hasn’t thought of this yet, he has been asking since he was 5 and I’ve managed to keep it going. He is obsessed with Google so I guess it’s only a matter of time.

I think it's quite sad the magic fades so quickly. I was ready to sit my ds 11 down last christmas and tell him before secondary school. He informed me very gently that I had no idea what I was talking about and neither did the kids in school but if I wanted to he could do what he does with them - nod wisely and go along with it because it's rude to tell people they're clueless 🙈
I asked if he told them he believed. He said he didn't because he didn't need anyone's permission to think what he liked.
I don't really know where to go from here, but he is 12 in a week and remains convinced santa is real, regardless of what people say. Not sure if I'm impressed he doesn't just follow the crowd, or exasperated because he won't listen! 🤣

Some of these posts 😂 no I didn’t do it deliberately or want to “get one over” on my SIL. Here’s how the conversation went, not verbatim because my memory isn’t that good.

Me - “what are you getting for your birthday niece, are you hoping for (that thing) you wanted?

Niece - “no I think I’d rather have that for Christmas and have lots of little things instead for my birthday”

Me - “oh that’s good, I wanted something similar for like three Christmases in a row and never got it. Might get it as an adult now I can”

(general discussion at the table about 80s Christmases and how we’re all still salty about that one gift we always wanted and never got)

Me - “yeah I always tried to make sure (sons) always got what they wanted because of that! Although there was that one time (son) wrote a letter to Santa to ask for this one thing and didn’t tell me, so he didn’t get it. He was all aha! I knew Santa wasn’t real”

SIL - daggers

I was babied a bit, but I remember questioning Santa around age 8. I knew then he wasn't real, but there was no way I'd tell my mum as I didn't want to upset her. My 9 year old niece has also worked it out, and drops hints all the time wanting me to confirm it (no way, I'm not going there! 😂).
Theres no way a 12 year old believes in Santa, and I imagine the mum's anger is more about her feelings rather than about her daughters childhood being ruined, and struggling with the reality of her starting to grow up etc etc?

I'm sorry, what?! What do you mean?!

Sorry.
Couldn't resist.
Reminded me of that Phoebe Buffay moment.

There’s no way she didn’t know. She’s just playing along with her mum for whatever reason. You’ve done her a favour. Now she can talk normally about xmas to her mum. I was putting xmas presents away with my seven year old son when he said , he doesn’t exist does he? So I said no but it’s a fun story ( we laughed) just don’t tell your younger siblings til they’re older.

The tooth fairy..aye right and at 12 how many teeth is she losing and putting under her pillow
Sil is nuttier than squirrel poo.

My 10 and a half year old still very firmly believes in FC, the tooth fairy and the Easter Bunny. She is probably autistic though which possibly contributes to why.
As a teacher, I’m always careful with Year 7 and even sometimes Year 8 as I’ve taught some kids who do still believe at that age.
I don’t think I’d be cross with someone for slipping up though at that age. It’s a fair assumption that most kids do know by the end of primary school.

I never told my mum I didn’t believe (I think I secretly thought I may not get a stocking if I admitted it), and she’s probably doing the same. I’d be amazed for anyone of secondary school age to still actually believe.

12 is pretty late. And it does seem that she was chilled about it even though her mum wasn’t.

My kids have always known Santa isn’t real. We tell them that it’s fun to pretend though and we do a lot of the fun traditions like putting out milk and cookies, but if you ask them straight up they’ll say he’s not real, just a fun idea.

Our family had a game which we played right up to 11 or 12. On Christmas Eve in the garden, wrapped up in our winter coats, we children were blindfolded, and had to listen out for sleigh bells (made by someone shanking them from an upstairs window), and listen for the thud of something being dropped in the garden, which we then had to find my torchlight.

Weknew it was all pretend, but we loved it!

Regardless of when your children found out NEVER assume a child knows or not!! You play along and never admit unless you know!! I would be devastated if their own auntie ruined the magic 😢

Yes YABU....Some of these replies are really sad and just highlight how people expect kids to grow up way too fast nowadays, saying 7 or 8 year olds are too old to believe in santa is crazy! And even at 11 they are still very much a child.Let them be young and playful and imaginative as long as possible....let's not force them into the boring & serious world of adulthood too soon :(

The age of criminal responsibility is 10. How can a child be, on the one hand, criminally responsibility for their actions and on the other not to old to believe an old man dressed in red comes down every chimney in the world on the same night delivering presents?

@EagerHelper “general discussion at the table about 80s Christmases and how we’re all still salty about that one gift we always wanted and never got”

You wanted Mr Frosty didn’t you?! It’s the thing everyone wanted in the 80s and I don’t think anyone ever got 😂 I finally got one in my mid-40s and it was the biggest disappointment ever, such rubbish.

8 is on the young side.... You may be misremembering there. Although my nephew was only 5 when he stopped but he's like a little old man. My eldest is nearly 8 and I'm hoping another year or 2 out of her believing. I wouslt expect past age of 10 though. Your niece likely knows and just hasn't told her mum that she has stopped believing

What is this fascination parents have with ‘believe or not.’ My son is 24 and it has NEVER been said in our house that there is no Santa. Ever. Part of the magic of Christmas is Santa. (Clearly he knows there isn’t really a man who drops down chimneys). It’s all just part of what makes Christmas magical

Perhaps he just loves the magic of Christmas? Why do you care? It is amazing

This!!! I literally just posted this! My son is 24 and it has NEVER been said amongst us there is no Santa. Ever. Like you said, don’t shit on other people’s magic!

I had to tell my youngest when she went to high school!

Totally agree. My 24 year old would never dream of saying out loud there was no Santa as he wouldn’t get a stocking anymore lol 😜

Being in secondary school she likely knows but just hasn't said (same with the tooth fairy) scammed money out my mum for years that way, brother made the mistake when he was like 7 saying she wasn't real and stopped Tooth fairy money very quickly.
Also used Santa present (got 1 selected present from Santa in my household) as a surefire way to get the thing that I wanted (normally a specific lego set) as my mum still assumed I believed so had to make sure she found it 🙈😂😭

That's not obvious at all, and pure speculation.

I've worked with plenty of older children who firmly believe

Lol this has got to be the stupidest comment so far.

...or her parents buy the presents from father christmas and the tooth fairy, and the presents from other people are from other people who she thanks