AIBU to assume an almost 12-year-old no longer believes in Santa?

[EagerHelper]

My sons are in their 30s so maybe I’m misremembering, hence this post to get some feedback from parents with younger kids.

My niece is 12 in a few weeks, and I was asking her what she wanted for her birthday. I mentioned something she might like and she said “no I think I might ask for that for Christmas”, which got us on to the subject of Christmas. I told her how oldest son wrote to Santa but didn’t tell me, then when he didn’t get the requested gift that’s how he found out Santa wasn’t real.

Niece just carried on chatting but her mother (SIL) was staring daggers at me and they left shortly after.

I then got an angry message from her saying niece still believes in Santa (and the tooth fairy apparently) and I’ve ruined things.

I was very apologetic, but it would never have occurred to me that an almost 12 year old would still believe.

Is this still common at that age? I’m pretty sure my sons stopped believing at about the age of 8 at the latest.

We never explicitly told our daughters that Santa didn't exist but I do remember they started questioning things at the age of about 10, so I think they worked it out for themselves. They have since told me (both adults now) that they had definitely stopped believing by the time they started senior school.

So, in answer to your question, no - I dont think you were being unreasonable because I would have assumed the same thing. Chances are your niece already knew anyway; it's highly unlikely that she'd have got to nearly 12 without hearing things from school friends.

Not at all - some parents do insist on the 'all presents are from Santa' idea.

I've seen threads on here where the OP has fallen foul of this by labelling presents for nieces and nephews with "Happy Christmas, love from Auntie Sarah" and been angrily accused by her bonkers DSis/DB of giving the game away and 'ruining the magic of Santa' for their kids.

What's the obsession with magic on this thread? You can't expect the world to pander to older kids when everyone else doesn't believe. There's still lots to enjoy about the Christmas break. Everyone I know still gets a stocking.

Things have definitely changed, kids believe into teenage years often.

Any kid at secondary school knows the truth! Her mum might think she doesn’t, but she does!!

The mother is deluded OP take no notice. I love Christmas and my own mother did Santa until we left home and I’ll do the same with my own but but we’ve never been big into the whole Santa thing if that makes sense. It’s more about the surprise of Christmas morning and the fun. You don’t have to believe in Santa to have a lovely time on Christmas morning. My DS has asd and hated the idea of a random man coming into our house so he is a happy non believer since he was 7 but never said anything to his younger siblings but it’s not like it made his “Santa list” shorter. Same with teenage DD, if anything her Santa list is getting longer lol. Also up to our late teens we went for a Santa visit with my parents. It was all for fun and the annual photo and a trip to the Chinese afterwards.

She debated at school ? And the outcome of this ? And how old was she b

as I said many children do believe at age 8/9 year 3/4 - my dd still does

it’s not about lots of pressies as I’ve always done small pressie and stocking from fc. Everything else from me

those parents who say they told their child at 4/5 - why ? Xmas creates joy and magic for youngsters and seems sad they don’t get a few years of magic and believing

but agree have to tell them after they leave yr 6 in the summer before starting yr 7/secondary school in the Sept so that they don’t get bullied etc

I understand that many families like to incorporate Santa as part of their enjoyment of Christmas; but I'm absolutely baffled as to why people declare it as such a pivotal, essential part of enjoying a family Christmas: a tale of a stranger coming around and bringing presents.

Is that really the only thing that can make Christmas special and joyful? Is Christmas ruined for kids if they realise that it's 'only' their loved ones who give them lots of great presents as part of the celebrations?

There are plenty of traditions that some cultures and families have and others don't; it doesn't mean that any of them enjoy Christmas any more or less. In the UK, we don't tend to share in the tradition of the random man having a dump in the corner of the stable, as they do in various parts of Europe, but I don't think our Christmases are any the poorer for it!

You've said yourself you don't think she believes any more so it's not relevant that she's massively intelligent and I'm not sure why you'd be furious if someone told her santa wasn't real. Did you go storming up the school in a fury that they held a debate where the other team were arguing santa isn't real?

I knew from when I was about 8 when I found our presents wrapped. Parents do usually tell them before they start secondary school

A friend of mine told her son before he started. He has autism but in mainstream school. He just said to her oh thank goodness for that. I don’t have to worry now about a strange man coming in the house when we’re in bed.🤣🤣🤣

He told her he never even liked Santa. But he just went along with it to fit in because it’s what everyone else does.

My eldest had it sussed at just shy of his sixth birthday. Asked me to tell him the truth so I did. The younger ones were about eight.

I witnessed a mum of an 11 year old creating merry hell in the playground because of someone else’s child having told her DS the truth. Utterly pathetic. Threatened her DS with Lapland consequences if he didn’t start believing again!

It’s not even a good thing to have them believe. All the talk about magic but for the kids who never get what they hope for it’s not magical at all. Bah humbug.

When my daughter was 11 I took her to Lapland. She still believed in Santa (as did all her friends, in the final year of primary school, not long coming out of covid) until an annoying man sat on our table for the gala meal talked about how 'realistic' the visit to see Santa had been. I saw her face fall. I think she had been having some doubts but wanted to still believe for a bit longer and had confirmed he was real. I had hoped she could have one more magical Christmas but he spoilt it. I know other kids who found out much earlier, but you can't assume.

My kids knew by the time they were 3 that there's no such thing as santa or the tooth fairy, and they've both said that it's they ever have kids themselves, they won't be telling them lies about these things either.

What? Santa isn’t real?🥲

We never did FC as being literally true, either, but even if we had, DS was in contact from his pre-school days with a range of children from cultures which either didn't celebrate Christmas at all or did but had different stories about who brought the presents for children. And DS also had an autistic friend whose family had a different story about a snow dragon bringing presents as he'd found the idea of a man coming into the house secretly very frightening. I'm always baffled by threads in which children, according to their parents, appear to preserve an unbroken belief in something relatively culture-specific throughout primary. They must not be exposed to much variety of other people.