AIBU to assume an almost 12-year-old no longer believes in Santa?

[EagerHelper]

My sons are in their 30s so maybe I’m misremembering, hence this post to get some feedback from parents with younger kids.

My niece is 12 in a few weeks, and I was asking her what she wanted for her birthday. I mentioned something she might like and she said “no I think I might ask for that for Christmas”, which got us on to the subject of Christmas. I told her how oldest son wrote to Santa but didn’t tell me, then when he didn’t get the requested gift that’s how he found out Santa wasn’t real.

Niece just carried on chatting but her mother (SIL) was staring daggers at me and they left shortly after.

I then got an angry message from her saying niece still believes in Santa (and the tooth fairy apparently) and I’ve ruined things.

I was very apologetic, but it would never have occurred to me that an almost 12 year old would still believe.

Is this still common at that age? I’m pretty sure my sons stopped believing at about the age of 8 at the latest.

My daughter is 40 next year I still pretend Santa is real when we discuss it. Even more now she has her own children but I've never admitted it to her. Santa is the spirit of giving without expectancy of thanks it's a lovely tradition rather than an actual person dropping down your chimney.

It’s possible she didn’t know. My 11 year old recently found out santas not real because we were watching motherland together 😫.

I would be annoyed at you too. Just because kids might ‘know’ doesn’t mean you don’t still play the game. We still have stockings from Santa and my kids are adults who all live away from home. It’s a bit of fun.

And to tell a 12 year old who is still young enough to possibly still secretly enjoy the magic, you were thoughtless and joyless.

Never assume. My son's friends still believed in Y6.
My DS still hasn't said he doesn't believe (he's 15 😂), and neither have I (57).
DS still gets a rhyming letter from The Teen Elf on Xmas Eve with his Pj's - he's still playing along despite being a PITA know it all most of the time, who wastes no time lettimg me know I'm an idiot at any other opportunity.
I imagine DN just knows which side her bread is buttered.

She didn’t react when you said that correct ? If I was told that and I truly believed as a child I would have been in tears . I think her mum just assumes she knows and the girl goes along with it, maybe to get cool gifts . She’s smart

Reason #3546 why it’s really, really stupid to say that all presents are from Santa. He fills the stockings, everything else is from a real person who can be relied on.

YANBU, it's perfectly reasonable to assume a 12yo knows. Your SIL needs to pipe down and get real.

I wouldn't speak openly about FC being fake in front of an 11yo unless their parents were doing the same thing.

Yes, I'm sure they don't believe, but adults not confirming it is all part of the game!

Your SIL does sound nuts to be so upset about it though!

I thought my 11 year old knew last year, but he has already mentioned what he might like for Christmas this year and what Santa could bring so I am not entirely convinced on if he knows and is playing along or if he is genuinely still a believer.
He has luckily now lost all his teeth but he very much believed in the tooth fairy too.

Personally I feel it's kind of sad we expect 7-8 year olds to question it and it's again another thing from childhood that is lost.

Your relative is deluded.

I think there's a few years where children know really but still enjoy going along with it.

You should NEVER assume

I was 11 when I figured it out, and my IQ is over 150 so that doesn't always follow. I was naive and childish perhaps. Fond of fantasy and fairytales but not stupid. No one ever told me. I assume my parents thought I knew and didn't need telling
But actually, now I think about it, I never really gave it much thought - it just was what it was, until it wasn't anymore.
Oddly, I never thought those Father Christmases at shopping centres etc. were real though; even as a very small child I knew they weren't, yet I believed there was a real one.

I think it's always a bad idea to assume on this topic. I believed for longer than average, and contrary to what some seem to think on here, that doesn't mean I was 'delayed' or anything of that sort. I was a bright child—just happy to try to continue to believe in something as magical as Santa. Also, I had younger siblings, so my parents were pleased to keep the Santa years going as long as possible.

Anyway, the damage is done, now, but in future, never assume where Santa is concerned.

If my parents had tried to pull this one on me, I'd probably have figured it out aged 4.
It's such self evident nonsense. Why would Father Christmas function as a delivery service? I'm certain most kids who are told this story work it out sooner than the others who think the presents are FROM him.

I would be highly surprised if a 12 year old hadn’t figured it out! And the fact she didn’t react when you said that is further proof. I think she’s doing it for her mother too.

I’m with you OP. Until coming on Mumsnet it would not have crossed my mind to assume any child over about 8 still believed in Father Christmas but on here it’s apparently quite common.

Personally I find it hard to believe all these children of secondary school age genuinely believe a magic man in a sleigh pulled by reindeers delivers presents to every child in the world whilst they’re asleep on Christmas Eve so I assume most are just playing along for their parent’s sake. Otherwise I really worry for their critical thinking skills as harsh as that sounds.

I sound like a kill joy but I’m really not. It’s possible to carry on with the fun and the ritual of putting out the mince pies and stockings in the evening and asking if “he’s been” in the morning without actually believing it. Me and my DM still play along in our 30s and 60s!

I would definitely internally assume that a child in senior school would no longer believe but I probably wouldn't risk saying it out loud. I actually think it's a bit cruel to not tell a child the truth before senior school though, although nothing wrong with faux believing for ever.

I sense a competitive mumsnet theme that the younger your kids are when they stop believing, the better and more bright they must be in comparison to others, which is an absolute load of old rubbish IMO.

I still believe in Santa and the happiness he can bring and the sadness when certain gifts out of stock.

Also he must be real ass people go visit him in his real home and now you can also track him on the phone 🎅

Tbh I made sure my eldest 2 knew before they went to secondary and will do the same with my youngest - sorry but you are just setting them up to be bullied otherwise!

So I would absolutely assume a 12 year old knew the truth

Of course she knows Santa isn't real. She's 12!!

You're not wrong to assume a secondary school aged child would know FC isn't real. You didn't do anything wrong.

You can’t be the only person who’s said something like this to an almost 12 year old - I assume she goes to school and mixes with other kids her age? Her mother is delusional.

Your IQ is 150 yet you believed in Father Christmas until you were 11? That’s very hard to believe.

I think that if she still really believed, there would have been more of a reaction from her when you said it. The fact that she seemed to take your comment quite calmly suggests that she already knew (I would be surprised if she really never heard anyone saying he wasn't real in primary school).